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This fanfic comic should be rated R21 in the USA. And is only intended for those over the age of 21 (except in countries such as Scotland or Cambodia where the legal age of adulthood is 16 or above). Will contain graphical descriptions of erotica and violence. You have been warned.
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Reality-Avengers (Euro-Avengers) Tri-Annual [Fanfic]
[Reality - 618]
[This is the post-bronze age of the 616 reality.. set in the 1990s.. all the heroes and villains you know but during that time. 618 is the backup.. the template.. the hard storage. There are 618 versions of our team here.. but no Alan McKay due to this being pre-clone saga, no Lep due to Magus collecting the 'soul gems', no Dave Shaw in NY as an engineer as here he was only 15 years old.]
Ares asks a passer by.. where can I find an internet cafe.. I need to watch the last series of Secret Gambler!
Passer by: What. on. Earth. is an internet??
Ares whispers: this must be the 1990s..
Ares grabs Peri: Oh man this is bad.. really really bad.. I need my internet!!
Gil: relax.. you still have TV!.. first season of Friends..
Ares: I suppose..
Gil: but wait.. don't yous prefer the second series because yous can see their nipples? I seen yous watching and smiling because of that
Ares: nooooo... I forgot about that in the first season [sad face]
Gil: What's the big deal? it's just girls.. I mean I've lived with yous now for a while.. you've all seen me going about in the mobile base in nothing but a wet towel.. and Lep.. everyones seen her naked..
Lep: Hau!.. naw wait.. aye Ah dæ enjoy dat :)
Alan grunts disapprovingly.
Lep laughs: prude!
Team of guys: but it's not the same.. they are famous girls..
Peri: I don't know what the fuss is about.. I'm a frenchman.. if I want female company I'll pick up a woman.. but I'm married.. I'M MARRIED!?
SHOCKED..Peri realizes he left his wife in the last reality.
Alan: baywatch?
Zero: Yeah baywatch is.. goooood.
Gil to Peri: do not worry.. we will find her here [smiles reassuringly]
The team are discussing the pros and cons of living in the 1990s
Alan: How ye feelin' ma love?
Lep: little better aye.. t'anks.. [Lep is standing and tries to move towards Alan but wobbles, Alan catches her]
Lep: maybe NOT as much as Ah t'hot..
Alan to group: we need tæ git her awæy fæ here.. git her rest'yt..
Ares: I know a bar..
[ we flash back to:
Ares and Deadpool getting blind drunk in a bar.
Arguing about mexican food outside the Sanctum Sanctorum on Bleecker Street.
Wade and Ares breaking into the Sanctum to find 'a magical item that will make the *perfect mexican food* that will convince Ares mexican food is excelente .
The two accidentally smashing the place as they so drunk, we see Wong catching them and giving them a convincing beating, but with little to no resistance from them.
We see Ares telling Wade 'I like greek food, which IS spicy but only a little spicy to improve the flavor'
We see Wade and Ares standing outside a Taco Bell drive through with much much munchies tucking in, then outside a greek place similarly with much much munchies tucking in.
Then behind a dumpster taking turns vomiting.
Then back at the bar getting blind drunk again]
Ares: It's the BSB.. Bleecker Street Bar.. cool hangout place..
Alan: wi mær need a hotel mate..
Ares: Don't know any.. I normally sleep in a phonebox or ask a friend.. don't usually have earth money..
Gil: [shouty french swearing] we don't have money!! everything is online back home..
Ares: I still have some of that earth paper money Doctor Strange gave me..
Gil: How much?
[Ares fumbles through the remaining paper money.. $180.. which means he spent $170 on burgers.. and perhaps beer/ale.]
Ares: $180
Cap: wait.. I'm pretty rich myself.. and I should exist here.. we could get some money from past me..
Gil: OHW bien merci! merci beaucoup!
Cap: it'll take a day or so I should imagine.. need to contact me.. which won't be easy.. the early 90s were a merry-go-round of me getting captured.. I have no idea if this is during one of those periods..
Alan pressing the group: Lep!
Peri: oui.. we will get her rested first and foremost..
[Two hours later, the group have found a, now run down, but in-its-day beautiful art-deco hotel, Lep is resting on the bed, while Cap is trying to get an international line.. Ares and Zero have elected to go to the BSB, Dave Shaw is reading through old newspapers the group found in a closet, Firegirl is tending to Lep with a damp cold wash cloth while Alan brings endless glasses of water, which Lep consumes in two gulps, Gil and Peri are in the corner whispering in French]
Cap to group: I forgot how much of a pain this is.. how ever did people manage this way in the 90s?!
Cap: Hello? hello?
Phone: One more minute sir.. we are trying to put you through. thank you for your patience.
Cap to group: I haven't even got the local line in England yet.. this is crazy!
Phone: putting you through to the local exchange now sir, please hold.
Cap to group: finally! this is costing $3 a minute, its already been 15 minutes so.. $45? crazy! where is Skype when you need it??
Phone: Hello sir, this is the London exchange how may I direct your call?
Cap: I am looking to get a line through to Braddock Manor, Essex.. number 01268.. no wait.. 0268-197-616..
Phone: putting you through now sir..
Phone ringing..
Jeeves: Hello, how may I assist your call?
Cap: Jeeves?? excellent!
Cap to group: .. it's my holographic butler Jeeves.. he will get this sorted in no time..
Cap to Jeeves:It's me.. Brian.. Captain Britain .. I am stuck in NYC and need some money.. a lot of money..
Jeeves: I don't know what prank you are playing sir, but it is NOT amusing!
Cap [whispering]: Listen here you jumped up collection of circuits.. I know your secret that you are sentient.. and that you killed my parents.. you will wire me all the money I ask for and do everything I say or will expose you to S.T.R.I.K.E...
Jeeves taken aback: Ah!.. it seems you have a point. I am sure we can agree to some amicability. How much would you like sent to you?
Cap: £200,000.. no.. in dollars..around $400,000
Jeeves: I will get this arranged posthaste.. you should have it within 2 days..
Cap: good. send it cash to the Marquis Hotel NYC, Room 618, under the name Jeannine Sauvage.
Jeeves: as you wish sir.
[Cap hangs up the phone]
Cap: 2 days.. not great but not bad.. pretty pleased how that went, all things considered..
Alan: good job Cap!.. noo miby Ah should check iyn wæ Petey-boy.. gee him a heeds up aboot yon Jackal?
Gil: I don't think we should be messing with the timeline here..
Peri: I agree.. Guillotine and I were talking, I do not wish to disturb my wife here.. she is not the same person, even though I would dearly like to see her..
[A dark shadowy figure within a dark room is watching them through a portal.. listening..]
Mysterious figure: Not yet Alan McKay..your time will come to save the day.
Meanwhile at the BSB..
Ares [ singing ] : And its no nay never.. no never no moreeee
Zero [ singing ] : And its no nay never.. no never no moreeee
[both are very drunk]
In the corner of the bar is a man dressed on all black with black eyes watching them.. it is JJ. they have not noticed him.
JJ thinks : no way am I getting stuck in this hokey reality.. I mean *I could* just change it into *my* reality and have done with it.. but I am sure once Lep recovers she would just do *something* to mess it up.. besides I am 'turning over a new leaf'.. I intend to be beneficent.. what a joke that is! crippling myself out of fear of death.. but I do respect Lep's power, that was no easy task when she followed me into that second pocket dimension*.. impressive.. no, this is the horse to back and winning team.. I just need to find a way to convince them to give me a slot.
[*Euro-Avengers Epi #3 ]
[Meanwhile, Dave Shaw is sitting alone in the hotel cafeteria, pouring hot noodle broth back into the bowl with his spoon]
Dave thinks: Haud oan a minute! Ah huv advanced knowledge o' the future tech.. miby Ah could go tæ Reed an' get awe o' us .. hame.. bit hame doesnæ exist.. flip! there must bæ an'oer reality mær closer tæ oors! aye defo..
[Dave puts his bowl up to the counter and heads to the Baxter Building, we see him look up at it from down the street with the '4' emblazoned on the side of the building, from the back it looks like he is admiring it.. but as we swing round to his face.. he is embarrassed]
[Minutes later.. inside Dave is talking to 'Ollie the greeting robot']
Dave: sa.. *thys* is wit they hud afore mæ??.. thys is even mær embarrassin' thun Ah tho'at.
Ollie: Does not compute. I do not under stand you sir, can you re-phrase and re-state your question about; the Fantastic Four, please?
Dave [speaking English] : Hello.. I would like to speak to Reed Richards concerning an urgent matter..
Ollie: Are you 1. Law Enforcement 2. Military 3. Fire, Sea Search & Rescue 4 The Avengers..
Dave interrupts: Aye.. 4.. [under breath] oar close enough ..
Ollie: in that case sir or madam, would you mind waiting in the lounge while I contact; Mr. Richards.. with a request to attend, the lounge is through the double doors sec..
Dave interrupts sharply: Aye Ah know where it is!
[Dave is doubley annoyed as.. ^ this is the same phrase Reed had presented to him on a flash card and made him read out to guests when they needed to wait. Dave had said the exact same phrase to guests at least 1000 times in his life.]
[Dave is sitting in the lounge.. looking at the 90's decor.. we see he is annoyed]
[Meanwhile.. in the hotel lobby/lounge we see Cap sitting at a table with a large piece of paper and a pencil.. he is drawing a timeline of events with info boxes and notes..]
Cap thinks: I could save them I could save them all before it happens.. I wouldn't need to get involved but.. butterfly wings/tornados and all that.. small nudges here and there.. I wonder if Betsy is stateside yet?
[A dark shadow falls over the paper]
Cap: That's fine thanks.. all I needed was the paper and pencil.. I don't need any drinks..
[we look up and it is JJ rolling his eyes.. he sits down across from Cap]
JJ: You know.. I was serious about wanting a slot on the team..
[Cap is startled and in terror knocks the table and paper and pencil over]
Cap: MAD JIM JASPERS!!
JJ calmly: I prefer JJ now..
Cap: what do want?? are you here to kill us all? are you from this reality?
JJ: I just told you.. flip!.. for a 'genius' you're not too bright when you are alarmed.. no.. I am from your reality.. well the Kobik one, well even that's not true is it? and what I want is.. a slot on the team! Or did you really think the JJ from this reality was looking to join your rag tag bunch without the respect you have earned from me? e.g I respect that you actually killed me.
[JJ stands up and physically rights the table up without using his power and begins cleaning, putting the paper and pencil back on the table.. then sits back down]
JJ: honestly.. it is a shear wonder to me how you managed it..
Cap: effort.
JJ: Well I do enjoy moxie.
[Cap is still slightly stunned]
JJ: besides your Irish girl.. Lep is the most talented reality warper I have ever seen, truly both talented and savant.. I may be A++ in ability and talent.. she is.. something else.. S++? besides.. I do not want you to leave me here is this hokey reality.
Cap gasps..: but the things you have done, the things I have seen you do..
JJ: I am aware. But in similar fashion.. I believe you and this team are the horse to back to get us to a reality closer to our own..
Cap: In similar fashion?
JJ: you're just not having a good day are you??
Cap: not really..
JJ: I am powerful.. but even with all my power, I am still backing this team to do things correctly as this team seems both powerful enough and.. well intentioned enough [sticks tongue out slightly in self-disgust] to get the job done to the satisfaction of all concerned. myself included.
Cap: ...
JJ offended by Cap's silence: Of course once back in close-to-our reality, I will double cross you, killing a lot of people in the process, but then you talk me down and remind me of our long standing.. friendship? enemieship?.. I full-of-regret and gratitude for your team returning me, will.. of course.. reset the timeline.. you will offer me a permanent place on the team.. which I will politely refuse but instead travel to the future.. and witness all your happiness as a team without me.. which will make me truly sad and bitter.. I will then return to the present, make a base in the arctic and live out my life there..
Cap: I KNEW IT!.. you're planning to double cross us!
JJ dryly..: it was a joke.. [JJ pierces his eyes right] .. idiot!
[Dusk has been slow and long, we see the strong beams of dusk sunlight streaming through to the right of the window. It must be late spring early summer in NYC, we see Dave and Reed sitting opposite to each other at a table, Dave is embarrassed, both are silent..]
Reed:..
Dave:..
Reed getting annoyed:..
Dave:.. sorry I didn't mean to shout at you.
[Dave has been speaking English and not Scots.. just to make things clearer to Reed]
Reed: it's a LOT to take in.. and by that I mean, believe.. not the information its self which is simple enough to grasp.
Dave: I knew what you meant.
Reed: of course.
Dave: so.. is it possible and are you willing to help?
Reed: of course it's possible..and I may be willing to help.. but you flagged this as an Avengers* emergency..
Dave: Yes we have an Avenger on the team.. Captain Britain...he is a full member of the Avengers.
Reed: I see.. well while I have some calculating to do, is there anything we can get you.. coffee or tea perhaps?
Dave: No I'm fine thanks.. Sue gave me some pop earlier when I came in..
[we flash back to see this.. Dave is looking at Sue.. not in a sexy way, but like its his.. aunt/sister/mother.. taking care of him during a rough period of his life..]
Dave: This is the point where I naturally ask if you want me to watch FBR.. but perhaps that wouldn't be the right course of action presently.
Reed: yes.. but feel free to speak to Ben, Sue and Johnny.. I'm sure they will want to get to know you while you are with us..
Dave: but that's the point Reed.. they don't know me.. you don't know me.. and that.. well, that hurts.
Reed: I understand.
[Avengers membership.. Ares is a junior member but Captain Britain is a full member. which gives Cap.. and by extension the team, certain rights and privileges. Peregrine is also a junior member of the Avengers]
[Over at Empire State University.. Ares and Zero have broke in..sneaking through the hallways, they are very drunk]
Ares: shhhh..
Zero: your nuts y'know that?.. Spider-Man beat Galactus in our reality.. messing with his test papers is not smarrttt..
Ares: don't be a whoose!.. and besides.. I could've beaten Galactus if I was so inclined.. and had known about it..
Zero: says you.. I once seen you struggle with candy bar wrapper for a 10 full minutes..
Ares: it was the double plastic coated kind.. they're really hard to open without smooshing the chocolate!
Ares stops sneaking, annoyed: .. .. are you mad.. do really want smooshed chocolate??
Ares continues sneaking:.. also.. shhh!!
Zero: we shoulda got Wade.. he wuda loved this!! hehe
Ares: I couldn't find him the phonebook.. [this is a drunk lie.. Ares never looked].. or something..
[Back in the hotel room Isabella and Alan are still in the same cycle of patting her head with a cold damp wash cloth and bringing her endless glasses of water]
Isabella: She looks like she has hypothermia.. she is shivering..
Alan: Aye Ah seen thyt.. should wi git her a do'actor?
Isabella: yes.. but we need to wait for Cap's money to come.. as I hear it is very expensive in the US for doctors.
Alan: Aye.. Ah hærd thyt tæ..
[at that moment JJ walks in the door to the hotel room]
Alan: Wit in the name o' Geoff and the wee man wæ the dug?? wit ur ye dæn here???
JJ: I have no idea what you just said.. but I sense your alarm at my presence.
JJ:.. can I help? I'm no doctor.. but she's looks to be suffering.. and from my experience.. she is suffering from overload withdrawal..
Alan: wit's thyt?
JJ:.. please speak English.
Isabella to JJ: He is asking what is that..
JJ: Reality warpers don't talk about it.. but it is rare when we have a get-together.. as a fight normally ensues.. but every so often, a reality warper will push the limits of what they can do.. it's a truly amazing feeling.. but the crash afterwards.. your body can't handle it.. it begins to long for that state of pushing it to the limit.. thinking of it like.. a reality warper hangover.. rumor is.. Legion had many many of these and caused his initial insanity.. feelings of rejection too I should imagine..
Alan: sa.. wit does thyt mean fur thys situation?
JJ blankly: ..
Isabella: What does that mean here?
JJ: to feel OK.. well many reality warper use strong narcotics to get them on a more level playing field.. and before you both go crazy I am not suggesting that for Lep.. just if you knew of something she loved more than the feeling when she has pushing herself to the limit.. that may aide her recovery..
Alan: OH.. næ duh! whisky! bit she needs mær wa'ter! no less.. coz yon wid dehydrate her!
JJ blankly:..
Isabella: She loves whisky.. but alcohol will dehydrate her.. and she needs more water not less..
JJ: I see.. well that's not the usual problem as most narcotics of that strength do not deplete water as much as alcohol does. no idea..
Alan: ooft.. git her stoned?
Isabella: she is anti-narcotics.. loves alcohol.. hates drugs.. except apparently aspirin/paracetamol..
Alan: aweriȝht then..wait a mo.. COKE!
Isabella sadly: I just said..
Alan: NAW.. no cocaine.. Coke!.. she loves the stuff.. coz she loves the sugar!!! and wit hus the mæst sugar!
Isabella: Claro esta!
Alan: where is Ares? need some o' that cash..wait a mo.. where did Gil and Peri go? Ah didnæ even notice they were awæy!
[Gil and Peri have went into an empty room, Gil is sitting on the bed and Peri is behind her taking her very dirty support bandages off]
< French >
Gil: < thank you for doing this for me >
Peri: < it's nothing.. >
Gil: < if I asked any of the others I get the feeling they would try to peek at my boobs.. which is not nice .. except Isabella.. but she was busy tending to Lep >
Peri: < of course.. we are French.. nudity is not the same for us as it is to them.. it's about intent.. the sexiness is the feeling of the emotions.. not what you see.. >
Gil: < I agree completely.. >
Peri: < not to be mean about it.. but these bandages are disgusting! when did you last shower? >
Gil: < I am ashamed to say.. around a week before we left >
Peri: < What on earth?!? how? >
Gil: < I am too ashamed to ask for help sometimes.. it's embarrassing.. so I cover with perfume and body deodorant.. >
Peri: < how did you manage last time? >
Gil: < ohw I asked a nice woman employee at Hallerom.. we used to play a little squash together at weekends but not since my injury.. she was asking about it and I asked her if she would help.. she was happy to do it as a friend.. >
Peri: < ohw well at least that's nice.. she helped and didn't mind >
Gil: < not so much.. I saw her peeping at me as she was doing it.. I think she is gay.. >
Peri: < well some enjoy looking at other women's bodies.. for comparison.. >
Gil: < definitely not that vibe.. >
Gil: < hence I did not want to ask anyone.. but the suit is very heavy and I am wearing it much more than I used to.. >
Peri: < yes.. I noticed the smell when you took it off.. >
Gil embarrassed: ..
Gil: < I can shower alone fine thanks.. but can you reapply the bandages once I have finished? >
Peri: < of course.. >
Gil: < thank you >
Peri: < it's nothing >
[Gil goes in for a shower.. and while she does Peri decides to clean out the suit of armor]
[few doors down, in the team's hotel room]
Alan: Where DID Dave go?
[Back at the Baxter Building Reed has finished making his Dimensional Gate..]
Reed: Should we assemble your team?
Dave: I should probably go through first and try it.. make sure its close to the right reality..
Reed: as you wish Dave.. but this is very new technology.. we have exactly zero guarantees what will happen.. what if I can't get you back?
[The machine begins to wir up.. the blue light of the portal initialises..]
Dave: then næ hærm done Reed.. Ah watched ye dæ iyt.. Ah kin recreate iyt.. Ah ay felt ye didnæ believe iyn mæ.. bit.. ye jist watch mæ go!
[Dave jumps into the portal]
Reed: I have no idea what he just said but it seemed emotional. good luck new-old friend!
[Dave lands in a dilapidated version of Reeds workshop inside the Baxter building with the portal closing behind him.. it's dark outside, the dead of night and no electricity in the city.. he looks out of the window down to the street below.. he sees much darkness but the moonlight reflected in the eyes of the people and hears a chorus of moaning.. ]
Dave in utter shock: OHW FLIP ZOMBIE REALITY! NAW! NO WÆY! YE HUV TÆ BÆ JOKIN' MÆ!
[Back at ESU Ares and Zero are next to a police car getting handcuffed.. Ares giggles a little to himself]
Zero very very drunk: It was all his idea officer.. I don't even know Peter Parker.. please don't tell immigration.. they hate inhumans .. I don't like these handcuffs! where Magneto at?
[they are both pushed in the back of the police car]
Ares to the police in the front seat: I know a great Greek place.. honestly.. yous will thank me!
[Downstairs in the lobby of the hotel..Cap is on the lobby phone]
Cap: ELIS-ZA-BETH BRAD-DOCK.. honestly this shouldn't be that hard for you..
Phone hangs up on him.
Cap: charming!
[one of the hotel staff comes over with a silver tray with piece of paper on it..]
Staff: your bill sir.. its quite.. considerable.
Cap: how much?
Staff: I would not enjoy saying it aloud.
[Cap lifts up the paper and reads]
Cap: this is.. wow..we have only been here one day..
Staff: sorry this isn't the whole bill.. you still owe us for the room.. which our staff have reported you have more than two people in.. which we overlooked.. no sir this is your phone bill for the day.
Cap: how on earth did I run up a $1000 phone bill in one day??
Staff: sir IS aware that with each of the minute charges there is also a connection charge for each exchange, and the further the telephone exchange the greater the charge..its itemized for sir.. it's all there.
Cap: ohw I forgot about that..but worry not, I am expecting a large sum of money within the next 2 days..
Staff: that may or may not be so.. but phone call charges are to be settled by the end of each and every day.. sir.
Cap: whoops..
[Staff member leaves disgruntled]
Meanwhile.. Peri and Gil are at the police station. Gil is speaking with the Desk Sergeant .. everyone can hear Ares and Zero singing from the cells..
Ares [ singing ] : And its no nay never.. no never no moreeee
Zero [ singing ] : And its no nay never.. no never no moreeee
Desk Sergeant: I.. (starts speaking very loudly, due to the loud singing) I CAN'T RELEASE THEM WITHOUT THE FINE BEING PAID MISS..
Gil also speaking loudly: HOW MUCH IS THE FINE?
DS: ITS $40.. EACH MA'AM.
Gil: THE BURLY ONE HAS MONEY, IF YOU LET HIM PAY THE FINES WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH, I AM SURE YOU WANT THIS OVER WITH QUICKLY AS THEY ARE VERY LOUD AND NOT VERY MUSICAL.
DS: HEHE.. YES VERY TRUE MA'AM.
DS to another police officer: CAN YOU BRING THE BURLY ONE OUT.. THANKS.
A drunk Ares discovers he only has $48..
Ares: erm.. this okay??
DS: well for you.. but your friend has to stay..
Gil: We will come back for him when Cap gets paid.
Ares: how long is the stay? .. (to Gil and Peri) maybe save the cash
DS: 48 full hours from pickup, but since we picked yous up at 1am, and we don't release until 12 noon he will be staying an extra 11 hours.
Ares shrugs at Gil..
Gil: we will returned when we have the money officer.
The trio begin walking down the street..
Ares: I decided.. I hate the 90s... too boring, need my internet.
Peri: I've found the lack of internet rather.. refreshing..
Zero: I miss Magneto on account of these handcuffs..
The group are shocked.
Zero: what you think I'm deaf?? I am neither deaf nor stupid! Dat big galoot was goina leave me to R.O.T. I can stop time, you think I was staying in dat dumb cell?? Then y'all are the dumb ones.
Group:.. (stunned)
Zero: And now I think about it.. why did those cops keep the handcuffs on me but take them off 'mister white but nicely tanned'??
Ares mumbling: that was more about that you wouldn't sit still for them to take them off..
Zero: I heard that.. but still it is my right as.. quarter black to assume unfair treatment..
[Ares snaps the handcuffs off Zero with them breaking into pieces]
Gil: quarter black?? mais fou..
Zero: I *may be* Inhuman.. but I am also half caucasian, quarter Indian Asian and quarter black.. I mean.. African American..
Gil annoyed: It doesn't work that way for inhumans!! You don't have races like humans, its random..
Zero: well French boss lady.. you go tell da POPO dat!
Gil shouty french swearing.. followed by: tu es fou comme un cheval avec une pomme caramel collée sur le dos.. [Translation: You're as crazy as a horse with a toffee apple stuck to its back ]
Zero: I DON'T SPEAK FRENCH .. so joke's on you.
Ares: BE POLITE.. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Zero: I don't speak French .. so joke is on you... boss lady.
Ares mumbling: .. better..
Gil: You should have waited Zero.. we would have had you out..
Zero interrupts: No offence boss lady.. but I get the feeling yous would have solved the problem of getting us home and then got there and then.. went.. WHOOPS!.. sans Peregrine forgetting his wife! Last I checked.. I wasn't married to none o' y'all!
Meanwhile in the zombie reality.. Dave Shaw has been mowing down hordes with his homemade shotgun shell fed chaingun-machinegun, he is covered in all sorts of fluids and partial solids..
Dave: Ah huv a dream.. tæ kill every last wan o'yez!
[If Dave had the time.. he would mean the whole planet.. but right now he will probably stop at emptying the city.. so he can work in peace.. from the groaning noises that were driving him to distraction]
Dave thinks: thys is no bad.. iyf Ah run oota bullets.. miby swing bi ma auld office .. see if ma Silver Tiger suit's still there..
[Dave is forgetting the relative time period (1999) and that this is before he became CTO at Rand]
[6am back at the hotel and quite a few staff have assembled outside of the groups room]
Concierge: Please, kindly, either pay your bill or vacate the room.
Braddock: It's 6am.. you have us at the disadvantage of waking..
Concierge: We know.
[JJ pushes Braddock out of the way.. then opens the door]
Braddock: NO.. Jaspers NO!
JJ: WHY ON THIS EARTH HAVE YOU CHOOOSEN TO DISTURB MY SLEEEEP!!
Concierge terrified: The bill sir.. it needs paid..
[JJ teleports the courier bringing Braddock his money to the hotel room hallway..]
JJ to Braddock: happy???.. no ones dead and I get can back to sleep!!
[The courier is shaking in terror as he hands over the money.. in cash.. to Braddock who thanks him, Braddock pays the concierge]
Braddock: $20,000 should cover the week.. yes?
Concierge silence..
Braddock.. and of course a tip of $5000 for you all to split..
Concierge: t-t-thank you sir.
[Braddock closes the door and turns around to see JJ opening the closet of which he seems to have made a room inside which wasn't there when the group went to sleep the night before.]
Braddock: you were *actually* doing well up until this point..
JJ: Even reality warpers need their sleep.. and I am too tired to bother with your tosh at 6 in the morning!.. I am usually an early riser, but 1am to 6 is preposterous!! And so I do not wish to listen to your tosh Braddock!
Braddock: you repeated that..
JJ: Like I also said.. I am tired.
JJ:.. Oh and by the way.. Dave Shaw didn't return last night.. but everyone else is accounted for. Just thought you should know..
Braddock embarrassed as he didn't notice Dave was missing: righto.
[JJ closes the closet door behind him]
Alan: The smell!! ben iys hoachin'! Brian.. kin ye kindly gee a few rooms tæ uys awe.. please?
Braddock: 'ben'?
Alan: aye it's Scots fur.. direction.. [speaking English] in this context it means.. 'in here' or 'this place'
Braddock grunts..
Alan: Y'ken.. yur sufferin' a'naw.. wæ yon smell.
Braddock: I suppose.. Alan.. listen..IF you had to.. could you take down Jaspers?
Alan: Ohw flip!.. Ah'll gee thyt Ah'm the guy tæ æsk aboot killin' somewan.. bit.. naw. It widnæ bæ thyt Ah widnæ wa'nt tæ.. Ah'm still angry aboot the heedache he gee mæ afore.. bit thyt dude hus some serious po'wer!
Braddock: sorry if I was a little rude or curt.. just this 'JJ' situation is ultra stressing me out.. we have him in our midst.. I tend not to show my soft underbelly to the person holding the sharp knife..
Alan: Naw naw.. næ worries.. an' Ah kin see wit yur hinkin'.. Peter Parker took doon Galactus in oor reality.. sa aye..if it wis agility an' stamina we need'yt.. bit fur him.. naw mate.. yur lookin' ayt Lep an' she'll no kill anywan unless they try tæ hærm any o' uys. An' jist in case ye wid try iyt.. no thyt ye wid.. bit if ye tried tæ fake iyt.. she ay talks aboot turnin' ye intæ a wee union jack squirrel when she's drunk.
Braddock: whoa..
Braddock: fair enough.
Alan: Isabella.. if ye wa'nt tæ switch shifts Ah'm up the noo..
Isabella sleepily: Gracias.. si..
[Meanwhile in the zombie reality Dave Shaw has rigged claymores all around the city and has retreated to the Baxter building]
Dave: riȝht! noo tæ send a signal tæ the team..
[ we see Dave has built a portal machine like Reeds original one.. but much much smaller.. a 'mini version' as he didn't have the parts. we see him tapping out in morse code the information that he is stranded. We then see JJ in his 'room' hear the morse code at a very loud decibel, he is alarmed and angry]
It's 12 noon, Lep is feeling a little better after a serious amount of coca cola and the group are all in the hotel cafeteria discussing what they should do..
Ares: OH my head!!
Zero: ditto.
Lep: mæ an'awl.. hehe
[Ares reaches round Zero to pat Lep on the shoulder with kindness.. also as a 'thank you' for saving them all, Lep smiles.]
Gil begins to speak 'I think..' but Cap interrupts..'we need a solid plan, one that doesn't get us trapped in an even weirder reality.. or we could just wait it out until we hit the 2010s..'
Gil: Excuse me.. I was speaking..
JJ: That's a good question.. who exactly is in charge of this team??
Zero to Ares: You said I had to be nice to the french boss lady if I wanted to 'stay on the team'..
Ares: you do.. and she is!
Isabella: and.. am I still a 'junior member'... I would like to be a full member.. especially in light of this particular adventure..
Lep: in order of authority.. mesel Ah t'ink.. it goes Gil den Cap den Peri, den me man den Ares
Ares: HEY!
Lep: or joint ma man AND Ares [wink]..
Ares: better [smiles]
Lep: den Isabella den meself den Dave den Zero.. and [points to JJ] YOU Ah'm not sure about..
Gil: I am not 100% on that list.. Dave should be higher on the list as he has strategic talents.. but the rest sounds about right..
Ares: Lep do 'order of power'!
Lep: Hehe.. mesel den yon weird fella JJ
JJ: I'm sitting right across from you..
Lep: den atween Ares an' me man..
Cap: HEY..
Ares: I think she is 'spot on' frankly!
Lep: den Zero
Cap: HEYY!!
Lep: den Cap.. den I dunno..ohw Isabella den Cap..
Lep: wait.. Ares/ma man, den Isabella, Zero den Cap.
[Cap is visibly annoyed]
Alan: no wa'ntin any authority hanks. bit hanks fur hinkin' o' mæ ma love.
[Lep kisses Alan on the cheek]
Alan: Sa ays fun ays thyt wis.. it solved aboot nuhin.
Zero: Y'know Alan.. I have not understood one word you have said since I first met you man.. why not hook a brother up with clear word every so often so I can buy a clue what the flip y'all are talking about!
Ares to Zero: shhh.. not the topic to broach and definitely not now.
Alan: Huv ye go'at a problem wæ mæ pal?
Ares to Zero whispering: leeavve it.. abort mission.. divert funds..
Zero: I dunno what you *just* said right that second... but I sense you want an answer?!?
Alan in English: Have you got a problem with me speaking my own language..
Zero: That! I understood!
Ares under his breath to Zero: be cool be cool.. shut up shut up.. you're being racist to him.. he will and I remind you.. 'rip your head off'.. be cooool
Zero: ohw my bad.. I didn't know y'all had a thing with language or some junk..
Ares is red faced.
JJ: I agree with the coloured fellow. Well said.
Zero is taken aback by JJ's candor..: ohw its like dat! I'm on the wrong side of this one!
Zero whispering to Ares: I was siding with the racists??.. whoa.. why you do me like dat man! not cool..
Ares: I *just* warned you!
Zero to Alan: Listen I feel you brother.. I went through a deeply embarrassing period trying to be a rap artist when I was 15yo calling myself 'The Original Wigger'.. on account of my mixed heritage.. so I get you.
Alan: OHW PUH-LEASE!
Zero: That, I also understood..
Lep: dat is.. nothing like da same t'ing.. at all. We had a 1000 years of da English hounding us, stealing our land.. doin all sorts of stuff to uys.. stuff Ah won't mention in polite company..
Cap.. somewhat muted and quietly: thank you Lep.
Lep: It's not quite the aul' slavery, Ah grant ye.. but ma man is fierce fur the pride o' the Gauls, which is commonly called 'Celtic Culture'.. he is brave tæ speak the Scots even tho he wis taught the shame of it his whole lyfe..
Zero: But what's wrong with English?
Gil: SILENCE!!.. this has degraded into amatuer hour, Lep thank you for your input. Isabella.. yes you are full member..
Cap interrupts: shouldn't we vote?
Gil glares at Cap..
Cap: ookayy..
Gil: Alan.. when speaking to Zero if you would *try* to speak English to him it would be appreciated. Zero for hopefully the final time.. Inhumans don't work like that, the race is *random*.
Zero: but..
Gil: RANDOM.
Zero: .. okay.
Gil: JJ.. you have to try and understand Alan.. Isabella told me how you were treating him and it's not fair, that you were being so intentionally nasty to him. I am not even sure if you should be around us.. but saying that, I do not want to doom this reality to your machinations.
Peri waits a few seconds then says:.. *this* is why she is in charge! [smiles]
Cap: as Jaspers correctly pointed out to me.. Dave is missing. We should try to find him.
Gil: agreed.
Gil: Alan Lep and Isabella.. no wait.. Alan Lep and Ares.. I don't want you paired with Zero for another drinking session.. go and visit Reed Richards..
Cap: I'd like to visit Reed too.. he might have some advice on getting us closer to a version of our reality.. also I have a few questions..
Gil: okay.. Cap too.. Zero and Isabella.. you are on babysitting duty for JJ, Zero if you feel him make a shift in the reality.. freeze time and go get Lep.
Zero: will do, lady boss man.
Isabella sadly: But I have been in the room taking care of Lep since we arrived..
Peri to Gil: I can stay in her place..
Gil: bein.. then Isabella and I will go and have a word with Charles Xavier in Salem, upstate NY.
Cap: wow..
Gil: he's an old friend of my family.. my uncle helped supply Hank with some the security components.. and we've met twice.. but I guess not in this reality yet.
[At which point the police arrive in the cafeteria to arrest Zero]
Gil: shouty french swearing..
Cap: why can't Lep stay to babysit Jaspers?
Gil whispering to Cap: if we keep her locked up, her morale might be very low.. I thought it better to give her a boost in feeling in case she needs to fight him..
Cap whispering: smart!
Police Officer looking at them in costume: yous are one strange bunch! We aren't going to have any trouble now are we?
Cap: Erm.. no officer..
Cap: There was a fine that needed paid but we didn't have the money.. we have the money now.. so how could we go about paying the fine..
PO: I dunno.. well it's going have to go before a judge and breaking out of a jail cell ain't cheap mister! You'll have a ton of forms to fill in..
Gil: Cap.. can you *please* go and sort this? you can catch up to the others and meet Reed afterwards..
Cap as a joke: yes lady boss man.. hehe
Gil: are you teasing me??
Cap: no lady boss man.. heheh
Gil: french mumbling..
JJ to Gil: Why can't I 'help'? I am perfectly capable of finding your Scottish man.
Gil: just you stay here 'JJ'.. the last thing we need is the team coming under suspicion of homicide.
JJ visibly disgruntled: .. .. charming.
[The team split up into their respective groups and leave]
Peri to Gil: so that leaves me and JJ? I'm a dude with wings.. I can't stop him if he tries something.
Gil: both of yous go with Lep, Alan and Ares to Reed Richards.. [to Peri] Tell Lep to keep an eye on him.
JJ: this is more like it! feeling a proper part of the team now!
Gil groans..: uuhg
[Peri and JJ catch up to the group]
Isabella: this is buena...it is never just us Jeannine.. [big smile] ..finally!
Gil: oui [smiles].. and while we are with the Professor we can ask Hank McCoy about that meteor you absorbed. Is it an 'infinity gem' and if not.. what is it?..
Isabella: Por que? also do I have to call you 'lady boss man'. It seems rude to me.. you are not a man!
Gil: uugh.. no and I want to know if you had to.. could you take down JJ.
Isabella: Si.. donita. < yes.. boss >
Gil groans..: uuhg
[Outside the Baxter building we see Lep has teleported the group.. they are looking up at the 4 on the side of the building]
Lep: dat's impressive!
JJ mumbling: .. I could have teleported us.. I don't see what the fuss is about..
Alan: dæ wi jist go inside?
Peri: I have been here several times.. I knew Ben Grimm when he was stationed in France as a fighter pilot.. and then as I was a junior member of the Avengers.. I wonder if he will know me here..
Lep: Is Guillotine a member o' da Avengers..
Peri: Tony asked her join, but then they got in an argument about Hallerom.. Cap is a full member though. So by extension we all get the privileges of junior members.. like deputies..except for Alan..
Alan: how??
Peri: no I mean.. as you are a clone of Spider-Man.. a non-evil one.. and Spider-Man is a full member, not just a full member but core 'team Avenger'.. that makes you.. by default a 'full member'..
JJ is staring at the ground sadly without blinking..
Peri to JJ: What's wrong?
JJ: I was realising how depressing my life is, summed up by having to listen to that conversation. This is not the Avengers building. Can we please move on.
Peri: yes. of course.
Ares: I hope I haven't done anything to *this* Reed Richards..
Peri: What's that supposed to mean??
[The group walk inside.. embarrassed, Ares doesn't answer Peri.. inside the lobby where Ollie the greeting robot is.. Deadpool is in a upright science police casket cell]
Deadpool: nooo.. it's all a misunderstanding.. *those* were the bad guys!
Ares: WADE?? ohw it's great to see you my friend!
Deadpool: Ares?? you gotta get me out of this bro! I have poker.. wait.. why aren't you at poker night?!?.. are you ditching?? ditching and not telling?!?
Ares alarmed: no no.. not ditching!! Let's see if we can't get you out of this..
[The Science Police who are standing 1 foot away and have heard all this.. begin glaring at Ares.. Ares ignores them.. and begins to softly put his axe into between the door mechanism]
Science Police Officer: stand down sir!
Ares concentrating: Just a minute.. I think I almost have this..
SPO: STAND DOWN SIR!
Peri to Ares: You know the rule Ares!
Ares: But he's my bro!
Peri: The rule is; only Guillotine is allowed to talk to or interact with Deadpool, no other member of the team is permitted ANY interaction with him.
Ares: buuttt..
Peri: You brought this on yourself Ares!
Peri to the rest of the group: You know our mobile base? not the first mobile base.. the *first* one Deadpool decided to take for a test drive while drunk.. with Ares.
Ares sad: .. .. no comment.
Peri: *while* we were all sleeping in it.
Ares sad: .. .. true.
Deadpool 2: I don't remember any of that.
Deadpool 3: perhaps they are ghosts Wade.. I see dead people. Ghosts of Future Past.
Deadpool 4: McAvoy would be good in that role!
Deadpool 2: Who is Ryan Reynolds?
Deadpool 3: Don't worry about it.. it won't come up that much..
Deadpool 4: It might.. if we drink more Gin..
Ares: Sorry bro! not this time.. say hi to Bullseye for me.. and tell him I'm sorry for.. well it hasn't happened yet.. but when it does.. tell him I'm sorry about his dog and the chocolates and his toastie maker.. he'll know what it means.
[As The Science Police take Deadpool away..]
Deadpool to Ares in a heartbroken whisper: I thought we were Chimichanga brothers?
Ares is visibly upset for letting Wade down.
Ollie: Hello and Welcome to the Baxter Building. How may I direct your inquiry?
Peri: we wish to speak to Reed Richards.
Ollie: Are you 1. Law Enforcement 2. Military 3. Fire, Sea Search & Rescue 4. The Avengers. 5. The X-Men. 6. Threat of Galactus..
Peri: 4.
Ollie: in that case sir or madam, would you mind waiting in the lounge while I contact; Mr. Richards.. with a request to attend, the lounge is to the right through the double doors second on the right. Snacks and refreshments are available.
Peri: Merci.
Ollie: De rein.
[From the lounge window Ares hears an explosion.. looks down to the street]
Ares: Ohw.. Wade is getting away [smiles].. I am so relieved!
[Meanwhile.. we see Guillotine and Firegirl in the sky, coming up to the X-Mansion.. and landing in the front garden]
Gil: please Isabella.. allow me to do the talking..
Firegirl: Si.. donita. < yes.. boss >
Gil:.. guugh
[Bobby 'Iceman' Drake & Angelica 'Firestar' Jones walk up to the pair..]
Bobby: Can we help you?
Firegirl to Firestar: Buenos dias amiga.. you look a little like me.. jeje
Gil whispering: She's your doppler from here.. also what happened to me doing the talking!
Isabella alarmed, realizes she spoke.
Gil: We wish to speak to the Professor. Could you kindly..
Bobby interrupts: The Professor is *not* to be disturbed..
Gil: Then have you a waiting area we could..
Angelica: This is a school.. for students..if you are law enforcement.. we will need to see a search warrant.. if not, I advise you to leave.
Gil: But..
Angelica: now.
Gil whispering to Firegirl: hold your ears!
[Gil uses a very loud pulse alarm.. Bobby and Angelica hit the ground]
Gil to Firegirl: That *should* alert Hank mcCoy..
[Bobby recovers and blasts Gil turning Gil into a solid block of ice..]
Firegirl turns up the surrounding temperature melting the ice..
Firegirl: Esto no es bueno aqui!
Bobby blasts Firegirl with ice.. but the ice melts before reaching her..
Firegirl: grosero! .. estúpido.
Gil: turn up the heat around us.. but don't attack.
Angelica: Ohw.. I can turn up the heat!
[Firestar begins to burn the air around all 4 of them..]
Firegirl: donita? Should I..
Gil: hold fast.
[Gil's suit takes in the heat around her, using it as a fuel source and turning it into cold inside the suit.]
Firegirl: donita.. I am *much much* more powerful than these two..
Gil: hold.
[At that moment.. as Hank McCoy as 'Beast' comes bounding over the hedge.. Firestar stops her heat. ]
Hank: WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE DOING?
Bobby: Yeah! intruders are NOT WELCOME!
Hank: I meant you two.. Bobby and Angelica!
Hank: I am very sorry for their behaviour Jeannine..we have had some.. aggressors of late that wish to do us harm..
Gil: Merci beaucoup, Monseigneur McCoy.. but how do you know me?
[Firegirl waves to Hank..in the background we see Bobby and Angelica walking away]
Hank: Your uncle was very proud of you, when I visited him I saw your family photographs
[This is a kind lie.. Hank could smell Jeannine from the things she touched in her uncle and aunts house.. He knew it was Jeannine before he even jumped the hedge and saw her]
.. although I admit, you are.. significantly older than I remember.. I only visited him last year.
Gil: Ah.. then this is the year of the upgrade!
Hank: Indeed. [smiles]
Hank: Are you Jeannine Sauvage but from the future?
Gil: Kind of.. and from an alternate reality.. one where Hydra ruled in place of SHIELD..
Hank: oh my!
Gil: Don't worry .. we're not evil or anything.. and we spent the majority of our time fighting Hydra.. that is how our team was formed.
[The three begin walking to the double door entrance..]
Hank: Please.. recall the story..[smiles]
Gil: Well.. bonne [smiles].. I was fighting them alone in Paris, I met Le Peregrine one rainy night, I noticed he had been following me..we teamed up.. which after a couple of months drew the attention of Captain Bretagne.. He knew Excalibur and Outlaw.. we started to form a team.. but they both have since sadly died [heartbroken face]..
Hank: I'm sorry to hear that. my condolences.
Gil: a week later we met Ares.. he had gotten in a fight with some French sailors.. then after we beat him.. he just followed us home and hung around until we accepted him as part of the team [loving motherly smile] .. Isabella here contacted La Peregrine.. I say 'contacted'.. she just followed him around for a year offering to help.. then Captain Bretagne met Widow-Spider in Scotland.. then Leprechaun, Dave Shaw and and inhuman called 'Zero'..
[The three are now in the foyer .. students are running around them, urgently trying to get to their classes]
Hank: do you have any mutants on your team?Is this young lady a mutant? [smiles] .. [to Isabella] .. we offer excellent facilities here..
Gil: Non Monseigneur McCoy.. she was hit with a meteor imbued with strange properties..actually now I think on it.. we do not have any mutants in the team. My I be bold?
Hank: of course!
Gil: I wish to speak to Monseigneur Xavier about an urgent matter..if left alone I would of course, enjoy and spend all day talking.. it is such an honour to talk you..
Hank:.. not at all.. and call me Hank..
Gil: I dare not.. my uncle would chase me round the garden with a stick for showing you such familiarity!
Hank: HAHAH
Gil: hehe
Firegirl: jeje
Meanwhile Cap and Zero walking down a NY street..
Cap: Just don't do that again Zero!
Zero: I dunno why y'all stressin' at me! Havin' a small libation releases the tension.. and you *gotta* believe *this has been stressful!*
Cap: It wasn't a request.. but an order.
Zero: Ohw it's like *dat*.. y'all think you can order me around huh?
Cap: Like I would with *any* member of the team! Don't gaslight some racial issue in my face when you know fine well.. I just paid for you to get out of jail! .
Zero: Pretty quick with that 'don't' huh?
Cap: And by that I mean.. I didn't do it out of personal courtesy.. but professional; because you are a team member.. and so I am effectively your boss
Cap: Besides.. we would already be at the Baxter Building if you would let me fly us there..
Zero: nooo.. I seen you fly.. you're too fast for me! I'd puke! some poor bystander gettin' puked on from the sky!
Cap: then.. why no taxi?
Zero: dem Taxi NY drivers are crazy man.. I seen dat one movie!
Cap: gugh!
At the Baxter Building lounge..
Reed: So you see.. he left and there was nothing I could do.. and when he didn't return.. I begin to analyze the frequencies of where he left to.. but couldn't get a strong enough signal.. I guess wherever he is.. they don't have much in the way of electricity.. or I could locked on to their power grid to triangulate the signal..
Peri: I see.. so is there *absolutely* nothing we can do?
Reed: my son is a very powerful reality shaper.. I wondered if he could retrieve Dave.. even though FBR is only 2 years old.. but the more I thought about it the more I realized.. you would have to be nearer to that specific reality to gain any kind of lock.. or you could just pull *any* Dave Shaw out of *any* reality..
Peri: This is upsetting news.. but I thank you for your attempts Mr. Richards.
Peri to Lep: This also means it is unlikely you would be successful in retrieving him.
Lep is upset/sad.
Down the street from the Baxter Building..
Zero: How *exactly* am I supposed to get my weed on?.. everyone I meet might be a cop in this freaky dimension!
Cap: Wait. you take drugs?!? You're powered individual and you take drugs?!?
Zero: ohw snap! Ares said to not tell y'all about dat..I'm West Coast all the way brother! we believe in the power of the weed. It's part of the West Coast constitution an' junk!
Cap:.. .. you make me long for the days when I was stripped bare, tied up & abused by albeit sexy.. but ultimately psychotic women.
Zero: Y'all into that freaky stuff huh?.. not judgin'.. I knew a Vegas stripper once.. nice girl. She'd buy a little weed off me and complain about driving people around..
Cap: .. what?.. are you sure she wasn't an Uber driver?
Zero: Upper-diver.. is dat a casino? I dunno 'bout dat.. but she would come round in her bikini and not stop talkin 'bout sex or complain 'bout her 'customers'..
Cap: SHE WAS INTO YOU.. how could you not see that?!?
Zero: really??.. man.. I was stoned a lot.. things go by you when you're stoned.
Cap: * I am aware *
Zero: So you're saying.. I could have had a Vegas stripper for a girlfriend..?.. wow
Cap: AN UBER DRIVER!
Zero: I already told you man.. I don't know dat casino!
The two are standing at the doors to the Baxter Building as Peri, Lep, Alan, Ares and JJ walk out..
Zero: too late huh?.. where Dave at? I want to apologize for bein all racist an' junk Alan.. Dave too.. sorry man..
Meanwhile at the BSB..
Ares [ singing ] : And its no nay never.. no never no moreeee
Zero [ singing ] : And its no nay never.. no never no moreeee
[both are very drunk]
In the corner of the bar is a man dressed on all black with black eyes watching them.. it is JJ. they have not noticed him.
JJ thinks : no way am I getting stuck in this hokey reality.. I mean *I could* just change it into *my* reality and have done with it.. but I am sure once Lep recovers she would just do *something* to mess it up.. besides I am 'turning over a new leaf'.. I intend to be beneficent.. what a joke that is! crippling myself out of fear of death.. but I do respect Lep's power, that was no easy task when she followed me into that second pocket dimension*.. impressive.. no, this is the horse to back and winning team.. I just need to find a way to convince them to give me a slot.
[*Euro-Avengers Epi #3 ]
[Meanwhile, Dave Shaw is sitting alone in the hotel cafeteria, pouring hot noodle broth back into the bowl with his spoon]
Dave thinks: Haud oan a minute! Ah huv advanced knowledge o' the future tech.. miby Ah could go tæ Reed an' get awe o' us .. hame.. bit hame doesnæ exist.. flip! there must bæ an'oer reality mær closer tæ oors! aye defo..
[Dave puts his bowl up to the counter and heads to the Baxter Building, we see him look up at it from down the street with the '4' emblazoned on the side of the building, from the back it looks like he is admiring it.. but as we swing round to his face.. he is embarrassed]
[Minutes later.. inside Dave is talking to 'Ollie the greeting robot']
Dave: sa.. *thys* is wit they hud afore mæ??.. thys is even mær embarrassin' thun Ah tho'at.
Ollie: Does not compute. I do not under stand you sir, can you re-phrase and re-state your question about; the Fantastic Four, please?
Dave [speaking English] : Hello.. I would like to speak to Reed Richards concerning an urgent matter..
Ollie: Are you 1. Law Enforcement 2. Military 3. Fire, Sea Search & Rescue 4 The Avengers..
Dave interrupts: Aye.. 4.. [under breath] oar close enough ..
Ollie: in that case sir or madam, would you mind waiting in the lounge while I contact; Mr. Richards.. with a request to attend, the lounge is through the double doors sec..
Dave interrupts sharply: Aye Ah know where it is!
[Dave is doubley annoyed as.. ^ this is the same phrase Reed had presented to him on a flash card and made him read out to guests when they needed to wait. Dave had said the exact same phrase to guests at least 1000 times in his life.]
[Dave is sitting in the lounge.. looking at the 90's decor.. we see he is annoyed]
[Meanwhile.. in the hotel lobby/lounge we see Cap sitting at a table with a large piece of paper and a pencil.. he is drawing a timeline of events with info boxes and notes..]
Cap thinks: I could save them I could save them all before it happens.. I wouldn't need to get involved but.. butterfly wings/tornados and all that.. small nudges here and there.. I wonder if Betsy is stateside yet?
[A dark shadow falls over the paper]
Cap: That's fine thanks.. all I needed was the paper and pencil.. I don't need any drinks..
[we look up and it is JJ rolling his eyes.. he sits down across from Cap]
JJ: You know.. I was serious about wanting a slot on the team..
[Cap is startled and in terror knocks the table and paper and pencil over]
Cap: MAD JIM JASPERS!!
JJ calmly: I prefer JJ now..
Cap: what do want?? are you here to kill us all? are you from this reality?
JJ: I just told you.. flip!.. for a 'genius' you're not too bright when you are alarmed.. no.. I am from your reality.. well the Kobik one, well even that's not true is it? and what I want is.. a slot on the team! Or did you really think the JJ from this reality was looking to join your rag tag bunch without the respect you have earned from me? e.g I respect that you actually killed me.
[JJ stands up and physically rights the table up without using his power and begins cleaning, putting the paper and pencil back on the table.. then sits back down]
JJ: honestly.. it is a shear wonder to me how you managed it..
Cap: effort.
JJ: Well I do enjoy moxie.
[Cap is still slightly stunned]
JJ: besides your Irish girl.. Lep is the most talented reality warper I have ever seen, truly both talented and savant.. I may be A++ in ability and talent.. she is.. something else.. S++? besides.. I do not want you to leave me here is this hokey reality.
Cap gasps..: but the things you have done, the things I have seen you do..
JJ: I am aware. But in similar fashion.. I believe you and this team are the horse to back to get us to a reality closer to our own..
Cap: In similar fashion?
JJ: you're just not having a good day are you??
Cap: not really..
JJ: I am powerful.. but even with all my power, I am still backing this team to do things correctly as this team seems both powerful enough and.. well intentioned enough [sticks tongue out slightly in self-disgust] to get the job done to the satisfaction of all concerned. myself included.
Cap: ...
JJ offended by Cap's silence: Of course once back in close-to-our reality, I will double cross you, killing a lot of people in the process, but then you talk me down and remind me of our long standing.. friendship? enemieship?.. I full-of-regret and gratitude for your team returning me, will.. of course.. reset the timeline.. you will offer me a permanent place on the team.. which I will politely refuse but instead travel to the future.. and witness all your happiness as a team without me.. which will make me truly sad and bitter.. I will then return to the present, make a base in the arctic and live out my life there..
Cap: I KNEW IT!.. you're planning to double cross us!
JJ dryly..: it was a joke.. [JJ pierces his eyes right] .. idiot!
[Dusk has been slow and long, we see the strong beams of dusk sunlight streaming through to the right of the window. It must be late spring early summer in NYC, we see Dave and Reed sitting opposite to each other at a table, Dave is embarrassed, both are silent..]
Reed:..
Dave:..
Reed getting annoyed:..
Dave:.. sorry I didn't mean to shout at you.
[Dave has been speaking English and not Scots.. just to make things clearer to Reed]
Reed: it's a LOT to take in.. and by that I mean, believe.. not the information its self which is simple enough to grasp.
Dave: I knew what you meant.
Reed: of course.
Dave: so.. is it possible and are you willing to help?
Reed: of course it's possible..and I may be willing to help.. but you flagged this as an Avengers* emergency..
Dave: Yes we have an Avenger on the team.. Captain Britain...he is a full member of the Avengers.
Reed: I see.. well while I have some calculating to do, is there anything we can get you.. coffee or tea perhaps?
Dave: No I'm fine thanks.. Sue gave me some pop earlier when I came in..
[we flash back to see this.. Dave is looking at Sue.. not in a sexy way, but like its his.. aunt/sister/mother.. taking care of him during a rough period of his life..]
Dave: This is the point where I naturally ask if you want me to watch FBR.. but perhaps that wouldn't be the right course of action presently.
Reed: yes.. but feel free to speak to Ben, Sue and Johnny.. I'm sure they will want to get to know you while you are with us..
Dave: but that's the point Reed.. they don't know me.. you don't know me.. and that.. well, that hurts.
Reed: I understand.
[Avengers membership.. Ares is a junior member but Captain Britain is a full member. which gives Cap.. and by extension the team, certain rights and privileges. Peregrine is also a junior member of the Avengers]
[Over at Empire State University.. Ares and Zero have broke in..sneaking through the hallways, they are very drunk]
Ares: shhhh..
Zero: your nuts y'know that?.. Spider-Man beat Galactus in our reality.. messing with his test papers is not smarrttt..
Ares: don't be a whoose!.. and besides.. I could've beaten Galactus if I was so inclined.. and had known about it..
Zero: says you.. I once seen you struggle with candy bar wrapper for a 10 full minutes..
Ares: it was the double plastic coated kind.. they're really hard to open without smooshing the chocolate!
Ares stops sneaking, annoyed: .. .. are you mad.. do really want smooshed chocolate??
Ares continues sneaking:.. also.. shhh!!
Zero: we shoulda got Wade.. he wuda loved this!! hehe
Ares: I couldn't find him the phonebook.. [this is a drunk lie.. Ares never looked].. or something..
[Back in the hotel room Isabella and Alan are still in the same cycle of patting her head with a cold damp wash cloth and bringing her endless glasses of water]
Isabella: She looks like she has hypothermia.. she is shivering..
Alan: Aye Ah seen thyt.. should wi git her a do'actor?
Isabella: yes.. but we need to wait for Cap's money to come.. as I hear it is very expensive in the US for doctors.
Alan: Aye.. Ah hærd thyt tæ..
[at that moment JJ walks in the door to the hotel room]
Alan: Wit in the name o' Geoff and the wee man wæ the dug?? wit ur ye dæn here???
JJ: I have no idea what you just said.. but I sense your alarm at my presence.
JJ:.. can I help? I'm no doctor.. but she's looks to be suffering.. and from my experience.. she is suffering from overload withdrawal..
Alan: wit's thyt?
JJ:.. please speak English.
Isabella to JJ: He is asking what is that..
JJ: Reality warpers don't talk about it.. but it is rare when we have a get-together.. as a fight normally ensues.. but every so often, a reality warper will push the limits of what they can do.. it's a truly amazing feeling.. but the crash afterwards.. your body can't handle it.. it begins to long for that state of pushing it to the limit.. thinking of it like.. a reality warper hangover.. rumor is.. Legion had many many of these and caused his initial insanity.. feelings of rejection too I should imagine..
Alan: sa.. wit does thyt mean fur thys situation?
JJ blankly: ..
Isabella: What does that mean here?
JJ: to feel OK.. well many reality warper use strong narcotics to get them on a more level playing field.. and before you both go crazy I am not suggesting that for Lep.. just if you knew of something she loved more than the feeling when she has pushing herself to the limit.. that may aide her recovery..
Alan: OH.. næ duh! whisky! bit she needs mær wa'ter! no less.. coz yon wid dehydrate her!
JJ blankly:..
Isabella: She loves whisky.. but alcohol will dehydrate her.. and she needs more water not less..
JJ: I see.. well that's not the usual problem as most narcotics of that strength do not deplete water as much as alcohol does. no idea..
Alan: ooft.. git her stoned?
Isabella: she is anti-narcotics.. loves alcohol.. hates drugs.. except apparently aspirin/paracetamol..
Alan: aweriȝht then..wait a mo.. COKE!
Isabella sadly: I just said..
Alan: NAW.. no cocaine.. Coke!.. she loves the stuff.. coz she loves the sugar!!! and wit hus the mæst sugar!
Isabella: Claro esta!
Alan: where is Ares? need some o' that cash..wait a mo.. where did Gil and Peri go? Ah didnæ even notice they were awæy!
[Gil and Peri have went into an empty room, Gil is sitting on the bed and Peri is behind her taking her very dirty support bandages off]
< French >
Gil: < thank you for doing this for me >
Peri: < it's nothing.. >
Gil: < if I asked any of the others I get the feeling they would try to peek at my boobs.. which is not nice .. except Isabella.. but she was busy tending to Lep >
Peri: < of course.. we are French.. nudity is not the same for us as it is to them.. it's about intent.. the sexiness is the feeling of the emotions.. not what you see.. >
Gil: < I agree completely.. >
Peri: < not to be mean about it.. but these bandages are disgusting! when did you last shower? >
Gil: < I am ashamed to say.. around a week before we left >
Peri: < What on earth?!? how? >
Gil: < I am too ashamed to ask for help sometimes.. it's embarrassing.. so I cover with perfume and body deodorant.. >
Peri: < how did you manage last time? >
Gil: < ohw I asked a nice woman employee at Hallerom.. we used to play a little squash together at weekends but not since my injury.. she was asking about it and I asked her if she would help.. she was happy to do it as a friend.. >
Peri: < ohw well at least that's nice.. she helped and didn't mind >
Gil: < not so much.. I saw her peeping at me as she was doing it.. I think she is gay.. >
Peri: < well some enjoy looking at other women's bodies.. for comparison.. >
Gil: < definitely not that vibe.. >
Gil: < hence I did not want to ask anyone.. but the suit is very heavy and I am wearing it much more than I used to.. >
Peri: < yes.. I noticed the smell when you took it off.. >
Gil embarrassed: ..
Gil: < I can shower alone fine thanks.. but can you reapply the bandages once I have finished? >
Peri: < of course.. >
Gil: < thank you >
Peri: < it's nothing >
[Gil goes in for a shower.. and while she does Peri decides to clean out the suit of armor]
[few doors down, in the team's hotel room]
Alan: Where DID Dave go?
[Back at the Baxter Building Reed has finished making his Dimensional Gate..]
Reed: Should we assemble your team?
Dave: I should probably go through first and try it.. make sure its close to the right reality..
Reed: as you wish Dave.. but this is very new technology.. we have exactly zero guarantees what will happen.. what if I can't get you back?
[The machine begins to wir up.. the blue light of the portal initialises..]
Dave: then næ hærm done Reed.. Ah watched ye dæ iyt.. Ah kin recreate iyt.. Ah ay felt ye didnæ believe iyn mæ.. bit.. ye jist watch mæ go!
[Dave jumps into the portal]
Reed: I have no idea what he just said but it seemed emotional. good luck new-old friend!
[Dave lands in a dilapidated version of Reeds workshop inside the Baxter building with the portal closing behind him.. it's dark outside, the dead of night and no electricity in the city.. he looks out of the window down to the street below.. he sees much darkness but the moonlight reflected in the eyes of the people and hears a chorus of moaning.. ]
Dave in utter shock: OHW FLIP ZOMBIE REALITY! NAW! NO WÆY! YE HUV TÆ BÆ JOKIN' MÆ!
[Back at ESU Ares and Zero are next to a police car getting handcuffed.. Ares giggles a little to himself]
Zero very very drunk: It was all his idea officer.. I don't even know Peter Parker.. please don't tell immigration.. they hate inhumans .. I don't like these handcuffs! where Magneto at?
[they are both pushed in the back of the police car]
Ares to the police in the front seat: I know a great Greek place.. honestly.. yous will thank me!
[Downstairs in the lobby of the hotel..Cap is on the lobby phone]
Cap: ELIS-ZA-BETH BRAD-DOCK.. honestly this shouldn't be that hard for you..
Phone hangs up on him.
Cap: charming!
[one of the hotel staff comes over with a silver tray with piece of paper on it..]
Staff: your bill sir.. its quite.. considerable.
Cap: how much?
Staff: I would not enjoy saying it aloud.
[Cap lifts up the paper and reads]
Cap: this is.. wow..we have only been here one day..
Staff: sorry this isn't the whole bill.. you still owe us for the room.. which our staff have reported you have more than two people in.. which we overlooked.. no sir this is your phone bill for the day.
Cap: how on earth did I run up a $1000 phone bill in one day??
Staff: sir IS aware that with each of the minute charges there is also a connection charge for each exchange, and the further the telephone exchange the greater the charge..its itemized for sir.. it's all there.
Cap: ohw I forgot about that..but worry not, I am expecting a large sum of money within the next 2 days..
Staff: that may or may not be so.. but phone call charges are to be settled by the end of each and every day.. sir.
Cap: whoops..
[Staff member leaves disgruntled]
Meanwhile.. Peri and Gil are at the police station. Gil is speaking with the Desk Sergeant .. everyone can hear Ares and Zero singing from the cells..
Ares [ singing ] : And its no nay never.. no never no moreeee
Zero [ singing ] : And its no nay never.. no never no moreeee
Desk Sergeant: I.. (starts speaking very loudly, due to the loud singing) I CAN'T RELEASE THEM WITHOUT THE FINE BEING PAID MISS..
Gil also speaking loudly: HOW MUCH IS THE FINE?
DS: ITS $40.. EACH MA'AM.
Gil: THE BURLY ONE HAS MONEY, IF YOU LET HIM PAY THE FINES WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH, I AM SURE YOU WANT THIS OVER WITH QUICKLY AS THEY ARE VERY LOUD AND NOT VERY MUSICAL.
DS: HEHE.. YES VERY TRUE MA'AM.
DS to another police officer: CAN YOU BRING THE BURLY ONE OUT.. THANKS.
A drunk Ares discovers he only has $48..
Ares: erm.. this okay??
DS: well for you.. but your friend has to stay..
Gil: We will come back for him when Cap gets paid.
Ares: how long is the stay? .. (to Gil and Peri) maybe save the cash
DS: 48 full hours from pickup, but since we picked yous up at 1am, and we don't release until 12 noon he will be staying an extra 11 hours.
Ares shrugs at Gil..
Gil: we will returned when we have the money officer.
The trio begin walking down the street..
Ares: I decided.. I hate the 90s... too boring, need my internet.
Peri: I've found the lack of internet rather.. refreshing..
Zero: I miss Magneto on account of these handcuffs..
The group are shocked.
Zero: what you think I'm deaf?? I am neither deaf nor stupid! Dat big galoot was goina leave me to R.O.T. I can stop time, you think I was staying in dat dumb cell?? Then y'all are the dumb ones.
Group:.. (stunned)
Zero: And now I think about it.. why did those cops keep the handcuffs on me but take them off 'mister white but nicely tanned'??
Ares mumbling: that was more about that you wouldn't sit still for them to take them off..
Zero: I heard that.. but still it is my right as.. quarter black to assume unfair treatment..
[Ares snaps the handcuffs off Zero with them breaking into pieces]
Gil: quarter black?? mais fou..
Zero: I *may be* Inhuman.. but I am also half caucasian, quarter Indian Asian and quarter black.. I mean.. African American..
Gil annoyed: It doesn't work that way for inhumans!! You don't have races like humans, its random..
Zero: well French boss lady.. you go tell da POPO dat!
Gil shouty french swearing.. followed by: tu es fou comme un cheval avec une pomme caramel collée sur le dos.. [Translation: You're as crazy as a horse with a toffee apple stuck to its back ]
Zero: I DON'T SPEAK FRENCH .. so joke's on you.
Ares: BE POLITE.. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Zero: I don't speak French .. so joke is on you... boss lady.
Ares mumbling: .. better..
Gil: You should have waited Zero.. we would have had you out..
Zero interrupts: No offence boss lady.. but I get the feeling yous would have solved the problem of getting us home and then got there and then.. went.. WHOOPS!.. sans Peregrine forgetting his wife! Last I checked.. I wasn't married to none o' y'all!
Meanwhile in the zombie reality.. Dave Shaw has been mowing down hordes with his homemade shotgun shell fed chaingun-machinegun, he is covered in all sorts of fluids and partial solids..
Dave: Ah huv a dream.. tæ kill every last wan o'yez!
[If Dave had the time.. he would mean the whole planet.. but right now he will probably stop at emptying the city.. so he can work in peace.. from the groaning noises that were driving him to distraction]
Dave thinks: thys is no bad.. iyf Ah run oota bullets.. miby swing bi ma auld office .. see if ma Silver Tiger suit's still there..
[Dave is forgetting the relative time period (1999) and that this is before he became CTO at Rand]
[6am back at the hotel and quite a few staff have assembled outside of the groups room]
Concierge: Please, kindly, either pay your bill or vacate the room.
Braddock: It's 6am.. you have us at the disadvantage of waking..
Concierge: We know.
[JJ pushes Braddock out of the way.. then opens the door]
Braddock: NO.. Jaspers NO!
JJ: WHY ON THIS EARTH HAVE YOU CHOOOSEN TO DISTURB MY SLEEEEP!!
Concierge terrified: The bill sir.. it needs paid..
[JJ teleports the courier bringing Braddock his money to the hotel room hallway..]
JJ to Braddock: happy???.. no ones dead and I get can back to sleep!!
[The courier is shaking in terror as he hands over the money.. in cash.. to Braddock who thanks him, Braddock pays the concierge]
Braddock: $20,000 should cover the week.. yes?
Concierge silence..
Braddock.. and of course a tip of $5000 for you all to split..
Concierge: t-t-thank you sir.
[Braddock closes the door and turns around to see JJ opening the closet of which he seems to have made a room inside which wasn't there when the group went to sleep the night before.]
Braddock: you were *actually* doing well up until this point..
JJ: Even reality warpers need their sleep.. and I am too tired to bother with your tosh at 6 in the morning!.. I am usually an early riser, but 1am to 6 is preposterous!! And so I do not wish to listen to your tosh Braddock!
Braddock: you repeated that..
JJ: Like I also said.. I am tired.
JJ:.. Oh and by the way.. Dave Shaw didn't return last night.. but everyone else is accounted for. Just thought you should know..
Braddock embarrassed as he didn't notice Dave was missing: righto.
[JJ closes the closet door behind him]
Alan: The smell!! ben iys hoachin'! Brian.. kin ye kindly gee a few rooms tæ uys awe.. please?
Braddock: 'ben'?
Alan: aye it's Scots fur.. direction.. [speaking English] in this context it means.. 'in here' or 'this place'
Braddock grunts..
Alan: Y'ken.. yur sufferin' a'naw.. wæ yon smell.
Braddock: I suppose.. Alan.. listen..IF you had to.. could you take down Jaspers?
Alan: Ohw flip!.. Ah'll gee thyt Ah'm the guy tæ æsk aboot killin' somewan.. bit.. naw. It widnæ bæ thyt Ah widnæ wa'nt tæ.. Ah'm still angry aboot the heedache he gee mæ afore.. bit thyt dude hus some serious po'wer!
Braddock: sorry if I was a little rude or curt.. just this 'JJ' situation is ultra stressing me out.. we have him in our midst.. I tend not to show my soft underbelly to the person holding the sharp knife..
Alan: Naw naw.. næ worries.. an' Ah kin see wit yur hinkin'.. Peter Parker took doon Galactus in oor reality.. sa aye..if it wis agility an' stamina we need'yt.. bit fur him.. naw mate.. yur lookin' ayt Lep an' she'll no kill anywan unless they try tæ hærm any o' uys. An' jist in case ye wid try iyt.. no thyt ye wid.. bit if ye tried tæ fake iyt.. she ay talks aboot turnin' ye intæ a wee union jack squirrel when she's drunk.
Braddock: whoa..
Braddock: fair enough.
Alan: Isabella.. if ye wa'nt tæ switch shifts Ah'm up the noo..
Isabella sleepily: Gracias.. si..
[Meanwhile in the zombie reality Dave Shaw has rigged claymores all around the city and has retreated to the Baxter building]
Dave: riȝht! noo tæ send a signal tæ the team..
[ we see Dave has built a portal machine like Reeds original one.. but much much smaller.. a 'mini version' as he didn't have the parts. we see him tapping out in morse code the information that he is stranded. We then see JJ in his 'room' hear the morse code at a very loud decibel, he is alarmed and angry]
It's 12 noon, Lep is feeling a little better after a serious amount of coca cola and the group are all in the hotel cafeteria discussing what they should do..
Ares: OH my head!!
Zero: ditto.
Lep: mæ an'awl.. hehe
[Ares reaches round Zero to pat Lep on the shoulder with kindness.. also as a 'thank you' for saving them all, Lep smiles.]
Gil begins to speak 'I think..' but Cap interrupts..'we need a solid plan, one that doesn't get us trapped in an even weirder reality.. or we could just wait it out until we hit the 2010s..'
Gil: Excuse me.. I was speaking..
JJ: That's a good question.. who exactly is in charge of this team??
Zero to Ares: You said I had to be nice to the french boss lady if I wanted to 'stay on the team'..
Ares: you do.. and she is!
Isabella: and.. am I still a 'junior member'... I would like to be a full member.. especially in light of this particular adventure..
Lep: in order of authority.. mesel Ah t'ink.. it goes Gil den Cap den Peri, den me man den Ares
Ares: HEY!
Lep: or joint ma man AND Ares [wink]..
Ares: better [smiles]
Lep: den Isabella den meself den Dave den Zero.. and [points to JJ] YOU Ah'm not sure about..
Gil: I am not 100% on that list.. Dave should be higher on the list as he has strategic talents.. but the rest sounds about right..
Ares: Lep do 'order of power'!
Lep: Hehe.. mesel den yon weird fella JJ
JJ: I'm sitting right across from you..
Lep: den atween Ares an' me man..
Cap: HEY..
Ares: I think she is 'spot on' frankly!
Lep: den Zero
Cap: HEYY!!
Lep: den Cap.. den I dunno..ohw Isabella den Cap..
Lep: wait.. Ares/ma man, den Isabella, Zero den Cap.
[Cap is visibly annoyed]
Alan: no wa'ntin any authority hanks. bit hanks fur hinkin' o' mæ ma love.
[Lep kisses Alan on the cheek]
Alan: Sa ays fun ays thyt wis.. it solved aboot nuhin.
Zero: Y'know Alan.. I have not understood one word you have said since I first met you man.. why not hook a brother up with clear word every so often so I can buy a clue what the flip y'all are talking about!
Ares to Zero: shhh.. not the topic to broach and definitely not now.
Alan: Huv ye go'at a problem wæ mæ pal?
Ares to Zero whispering: leeavve it.. abort mission.. divert funds..
Zero: I dunno what you *just* said right that second... but I sense you want an answer?!?
Alan in English: Have you got a problem with me speaking my own language..
Zero: That! I understood!
Ares under his breath to Zero: be cool be cool.. shut up shut up.. you're being racist to him.. he will and I remind you.. 'rip your head off'.. be cooool
Zero: ohw my bad.. I didn't know y'all had a thing with language or some junk..
Ares is red faced.
JJ: I agree with the coloured fellow. Well said.
Zero is taken aback by JJ's candor..: ohw its like dat! I'm on the wrong side of this one!
Zero whispering to Ares: I was siding with the racists??.. whoa.. why you do me like dat man! not cool..
Ares: I *just* warned you!
Zero to Alan: Listen I feel you brother.. I went through a deeply embarrassing period trying to be a rap artist when I was 15yo calling myself 'The Original Wigger'.. on account of my mixed heritage.. so I get you.
Alan: OHW PUH-LEASE!
Zero: That, I also understood..
Lep: dat is.. nothing like da same t'ing.. at all. We had a 1000 years of da English hounding us, stealing our land.. doin all sorts of stuff to uys.. stuff Ah won't mention in polite company..
Cap.. somewhat muted and quietly: thank you Lep.
Lep: It's not quite the aul' slavery, Ah grant ye.. but ma man is fierce fur the pride o' the Gauls, which is commonly called 'Celtic Culture'.. he is brave tæ speak the Scots even tho he wis taught the shame of it his whole lyfe..
Zero: But what's wrong with English?
Gil: SILENCE!!.. this has degraded into amatuer hour, Lep thank you for your input. Isabella.. yes you are full member..
Cap interrupts: shouldn't we vote?
Gil glares at Cap..
Cap: ookayy..
Gil: Alan.. when speaking to Zero if you would *try* to speak English to him it would be appreciated. Zero for hopefully the final time.. Inhumans don't work like that, the race is *random*.
Zero: but..
Gil: RANDOM.
Zero: .. okay.
Gil: JJ.. you have to try and understand Alan.. Isabella told me how you were treating him and it's not fair, that you were being so intentionally nasty to him. I am not even sure if you should be around us.. but saying that, I do not want to doom this reality to your machinations.
Peri waits a few seconds then says:.. *this* is why she is in charge! [smiles]
Cap: as Jaspers correctly pointed out to me.. Dave is missing. We should try to find him.
Gil: agreed.
Gil: Alan Lep and Isabella.. no wait.. Alan Lep and Ares.. I don't want you paired with Zero for another drinking session.. go and visit Reed Richards..
Cap: I'd like to visit Reed too.. he might have some advice on getting us closer to a version of our reality.. also I have a few questions..
Gil: okay.. Cap too.. Zero and Isabella.. you are on babysitting duty for JJ, Zero if you feel him make a shift in the reality.. freeze time and go get Lep.
Zero: will do, lady boss man.
Isabella sadly: But I have been in the room taking care of Lep since we arrived..
Peri to Gil: I can stay in her place..
Gil: bein.. then Isabella and I will go and have a word with Charles Xavier in Salem, upstate NY.
Cap: wow..
Gil: he's an old friend of my family.. my uncle helped supply Hank with some the security components.. and we've met twice.. but I guess not in this reality yet.
[At which point the police arrive in the cafeteria to arrest Zero]
Gil: shouty french swearing..
Cap: why can't Lep stay to babysit Jaspers?
Gil whispering to Cap: if we keep her locked up, her morale might be very low.. I thought it better to give her a boost in feeling in case she needs to fight him..
Cap whispering: smart!
Police Officer looking at them in costume: yous are one strange bunch! We aren't going to have any trouble now are we?
Cap: Erm.. no officer..
Cap: There was a fine that needed paid but we didn't have the money.. we have the money now.. so how could we go about paying the fine..
PO: I dunno.. well it's going have to go before a judge and breaking out of a jail cell ain't cheap mister! You'll have a ton of forms to fill in..
Gil: Cap.. can you *please* go and sort this? you can catch up to the others and meet Reed afterwards..
Cap as a joke: yes lady boss man.. hehe
Gil: are you teasing me??
Cap: no lady boss man.. heheh
Gil: french mumbling..
JJ to Gil: Why can't I 'help'? I am perfectly capable of finding your Scottish man.
Gil: just you stay here 'JJ'.. the last thing we need is the team coming under suspicion of homicide.
JJ visibly disgruntled: .. .. charming.
[The team split up into their respective groups and leave]
Peri to Gil: so that leaves me and JJ? I'm a dude with wings.. I can't stop him if he tries something.
Gil: both of yous go with Lep, Alan and Ares to Reed Richards.. [to Peri] Tell Lep to keep an eye on him.
JJ: this is more like it! feeling a proper part of the team now!
Gil groans..: uuhg
[Peri and JJ catch up to the group]
Isabella: this is buena...it is never just us Jeannine.. [big smile] ..finally!
Gil: oui [smiles].. and while we are with the Professor we can ask Hank McCoy about that meteor you absorbed. Is it an 'infinity gem' and if not.. what is it?..
Isabella: Por que? also do I have to call you 'lady boss man'. It seems rude to me.. you are not a man!
Gil: uugh.. no and I want to know if you had to.. could you take down JJ.
Isabella: Si.. donita. < yes.. boss >
Gil groans..: uuhg
[Outside the Baxter building we see Lep has teleported the group.. they are looking up at the 4 on the side of the building]
Lep: dat's impressive!
JJ mumbling: .. I could have teleported us.. I don't see what the fuss is about..
Alan: dæ wi jist go inside?
Peri: I have been here several times.. I knew Ben Grimm when he was stationed in France as a fighter pilot.. and then as I was a junior member of the Avengers.. I wonder if he will know me here..
Lep: Is Guillotine a member o' da Avengers..
Peri: Tony asked her join, but then they got in an argument about Hallerom.. Cap is a full member though. So by extension we all get the privileges of junior members.. like deputies..except for Alan..
Alan: how??
Peri: no I mean.. as you are a clone of Spider-Man.. a non-evil one.. and Spider-Man is a full member, not just a full member but core 'team Avenger'.. that makes you.. by default a 'full member'..
JJ is staring at the ground sadly without blinking..
Peri to JJ: What's wrong?
JJ: I was realising how depressing my life is, summed up by having to listen to that conversation. This is not the Avengers building. Can we please move on.
Peri: yes. of course.
Ares: I hope I haven't done anything to *this* Reed Richards..
Peri: What's that supposed to mean??
[The group walk inside.. embarrassed, Ares doesn't answer Peri.. inside the lobby where Ollie the greeting robot is.. Deadpool is in a upright science police casket cell]
Deadpool: nooo.. it's all a misunderstanding.. *those* were the bad guys!
Ares: WADE?? ohw it's great to see you my friend!
Deadpool: Ares?? you gotta get me out of this bro! I have poker.. wait.. why aren't you at poker night?!?.. are you ditching?? ditching and not telling?!?
Ares alarmed: no no.. not ditching!! Let's see if we can't get you out of this..
[The Science Police who are standing 1 foot away and have heard all this.. begin glaring at Ares.. Ares ignores them.. and begins to softly put his axe into between the door mechanism]
Science Police Officer: stand down sir!
Ares concentrating: Just a minute.. I think I almost have this..
SPO: STAND DOWN SIR!
Peri to Ares: You know the rule Ares!
Ares: But he's my bro!
Peri: The rule is; only Guillotine is allowed to talk to or interact with Deadpool, no other member of the team is permitted ANY interaction with him.
Ares: buuttt..
Peri: You brought this on yourself Ares!
Peri to the rest of the group: You know our mobile base? not the first mobile base.. the *first* one Deadpool decided to take for a test drive while drunk.. with Ares.
Ares sad: .. .. no comment.
Peri: *while* we were all sleeping in it.
Ares sad: .. .. true.
Deadpool 2: I don't remember any of that.
Deadpool 3: perhaps they are ghosts Wade.. I see dead people. Ghosts of Future Past.
Deadpool 4: McAvoy would be good in that role!
Deadpool 2: Who is Ryan Reynolds?
Deadpool 3: Don't worry about it.. it won't come up that much..
Deadpool 4: It might.. if we drink more Gin..
Ares: Sorry bro! not this time.. say hi to Bullseye for me.. and tell him I'm sorry for.. well it hasn't happened yet.. but when it does.. tell him I'm sorry about his dog and the chocolates and his toastie maker.. he'll know what it means.
[As The Science Police take Deadpool away..]
Deadpool to Ares in a heartbroken whisper: I thought we were Chimichanga brothers?
Ares is visibly upset for letting Wade down.
Ollie: Hello and Welcome to the Baxter Building. How may I direct your inquiry?
Peri: we wish to speak to Reed Richards.
Ollie: Are you 1. Law Enforcement 2. Military 3. Fire, Sea Search & Rescue 4. The Avengers. 5. The X-Men. 6. Threat of Galactus..
Peri: 4.
Ollie: in that case sir or madam, would you mind waiting in the lounge while I contact; Mr. Richards.. with a request to attend, the lounge is to the right through the double doors second on the right. Snacks and refreshments are available.
Peri: Merci.
Ollie: De rein.
[From the lounge window Ares hears an explosion.. looks down to the street]
Ares: Ohw.. Wade is getting away [smiles].. I am so relieved!
[Meanwhile.. we see Guillotine and Firegirl in the sky, coming up to the X-Mansion.. and landing in the front garden]
Gil: please Isabella.. allow me to do the talking..
Firegirl: Si.. donita. < yes.. boss >
Gil:.. guugh
[Bobby 'Iceman' Drake & Angelica 'Firestar' Jones walk up to the pair..]
Bobby: Can we help you?
Firegirl to Firestar: Buenos dias amiga.. you look a little like me.. jeje
Gil whispering: She's your doppler from here.. also what happened to me doing the talking!
Isabella alarmed, realizes she spoke.
Gil: We wish to speak to the Professor. Could you kindly..
Bobby interrupts: The Professor is *not* to be disturbed..
Gil: Then have you a waiting area we could..
Angelica: This is a school.. for students..if you are law enforcement.. we will need to see a search warrant.. if not, I advise you to leave.
Gil: But..
Angelica: now.
Gil whispering to Firegirl: hold your ears!
[Gil uses a very loud pulse alarm.. Bobby and Angelica hit the ground]
Gil to Firegirl: That *should* alert Hank mcCoy..
[Bobby recovers and blasts Gil turning Gil into a solid block of ice..]
Firegirl turns up the surrounding temperature melting the ice..
Firegirl: Esto no es bueno aqui!
Bobby blasts Firegirl with ice.. but the ice melts before reaching her..
Firegirl: grosero! .. estúpido.
Gil: turn up the heat around us.. but don't attack.
Angelica: Ohw.. I can turn up the heat!
[Firestar begins to burn the air around all 4 of them..]
Firegirl: donita? Should I..
Gil: hold fast.
[Gil's suit takes in the heat around her, using it as a fuel source and turning it into cold inside the suit.]
Firegirl: donita.. I am *much much* more powerful than these two..
Gil: hold.
[At that moment.. as Hank McCoy as 'Beast' comes bounding over the hedge.. Firestar stops her heat. ]
Hank: WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE DOING?
Bobby: Yeah! intruders are NOT WELCOME!
Hank: I meant you two.. Bobby and Angelica!
Hank: I am very sorry for their behaviour Jeannine..we have had some.. aggressors of late that wish to do us harm..
Gil: Merci beaucoup, Monseigneur McCoy.. but how do you know me?
[Firegirl waves to Hank..in the background we see Bobby and Angelica walking away]
Hank: Your uncle was very proud of you, when I visited him I saw your family photographs
[This is a kind lie.. Hank could smell Jeannine from the things she touched in her uncle and aunts house.. He knew it was Jeannine before he even jumped the hedge and saw her]
.. although I admit, you are.. significantly older than I remember.. I only visited him last year.
Gil: Ah.. then this is the year of the upgrade!
Hank: Indeed. [smiles]
Hank: Are you Jeannine Sauvage but from the future?
Gil: Kind of.. and from an alternate reality.. one where Hydra ruled in place of SHIELD..
Hank: oh my!
Gil: Don't worry .. we're not evil or anything.. and we spent the majority of our time fighting Hydra.. that is how our team was formed.
[The three begin walking to the double door entrance..]
Hank: Please.. recall the story..[smiles]
Gil: Well.. bonne [smiles].. I was fighting them alone in Paris, I met Le Peregrine one rainy night, I noticed he had been following me..we teamed up.. which after a couple of months drew the attention of Captain Bretagne.. He knew Excalibur and Outlaw.. we started to form a team.. but they both have since sadly died [heartbroken face]..
Hank: I'm sorry to hear that. my condolences.
Gil: a week later we met Ares.. he had gotten in a fight with some French sailors.. then after we beat him.. he just followed us home and hung around until we accepted him as part of the team [loving motherly smile] .. Isabella here contacted La Peregrine.. I say 'contacted'.. she just followed him around for a year offering to help.. then Captain Bretagne met Widow-Spider in Scotland.. then Leprechaun, Dave Shaw and and inhuman called 'Zero'..
[The three are now in the foyer .. students are running around them, urgently trying to get to their classes]
Hank: do you have any mutants on your team?Is this young lady a mutant? [smiles] .. [to Isabella] .. we offer excellent facilities here..
Gil: Non Monseigneur McCoy.. she was hit with a meteor imbued with strange properties..actually now I think on it.. we do not have any mutants in the team. My I be bold?
Hank: of course!
Gil: I wish to speak to Monseigneur Xavier about an urgent matter..if left alone I would of course, enjoy and spend all day talking.. it is such an honour to talk you..
Hank:.. not at all.. and call me Hank..
Gil: I dare not.. my uncle would chase me round the garden with a stick for showing you such familiarity!
Hank: HAHAH
Gil: hehe
Firegirl: jeje
Meanwhile Cap and Zero walking down a NY street..
Cap: Just don't do that again Zero!
Zero: I dunno why y'all stressin' at me! Havin' a small libation releases the tension.. and you *gotta* believe *this has been stressful!*
Cap: It wasn't a request.. but an order.
Zero: Ohw it's like *dat*.. y'all think you can order me around huh?
Cap: Like I would with *any* member of the team! Don't gaslight some racial issue in my face when you know fine well.. I just paid for you to get out of jail! .
Zero: Pretty quick with that 'don't' huh?
Cap: And by that I mean.. I didn't do it out of personal courtesy.. but professional; because you are a team member.. and so I am effectively your boss
Cap: Besides.. we would already be at the Baxter Building if you would let me fly us there..
Zero: nooo.. I seen you fly.. you're too fast for me! I'd puke! some poor bystander gettin' puked on from the sky!
Cap: then.. why no taxi?
Zero: dem Taxi NY drivers are crazy man.. I seen dat one movie!
Cap: gugh!
At the Baxter Building lounge..
Reed: So you see.. he left and there was nothing I could do.. and when he didn't return.. I begin to analyze the frequencies of where he left to.. but couldn't get a strong enough signal.. I guess wherever he is.. they don't have much in the way of electricity.. or I could locked on to their power grid to triangulate the signal..
Peri: I see.. so is there *absolutely* nothing we can do?
Reed: my son is a very powerful reality shaper.. I wondered if he could retrieve Dave.. even though FBR is only 2 years old.. but the more I thought about it the more I realized.. you would have to be nearer to that specific reality to gain any kind of lock.. or you could just pull *any* Dave Shaw out of *any* reality..
Peri: This is upsetting news.. but I thank you for your attempts Mr. Richards.
Peri to Lep: This also means it is unlikely you would be successful in retrieving him.
Lep is upset/sad.
Down the street from the Baxter Building..
Zero: How *exactly* am I supposed to get my weed on?.. everyone I meet might be a cop in this freaky dimension!
Cap: Wait. you take drugs?!? You're powered individual and you take drugs?!?
Zero: ohw snap! Ares said to not tell y'all about dat..I'm West Coast all the way brother! we believe in the power of the weed. It's part of the West Coast constitution an' junk!
Cap:.. .. you make me long for the days when I was stripped bare, tied up & abused by albeit sexy.. but ultimately psychotic women.
Zero: Y'all into that freaky stuff huh?.. not judgin'.. I knew a Vegas stripper once.. nice girl. She'd buy a little weed off me and complain about driving people around..
Cap: .. what?.. are you sure she wasn't an Uber driver?
Zero: Upper-diver.. is dat a casino? I dunno 'bout dat.. but she would come round in her bikini and not stop talkin 'bout sex or complain 'bout her 'customers'..
Cap: SHE WAS INTO YOU.. how could you not see that?!?
Zero: really??.. man.. I was stoned a lot.. things go by you when you're stoned.
Cap: * I am aware *
Zero: So you're saying.. I could have had a Vegas stripper for a girlfriend..?.. wow
Cap: AN UBER DRIVER!
Zero: I already told you man.. I don't know dat casino!
The two are standing at the doors to the Baxter Building as Peri, Lep, Alan, Ares and JJ walk out..
Zero: too late huh?.. where Dave at? I want to apologize for bein all racist an' junk Alan.. Dave too.. sorry man..
Alan sad: næ worries Zero.. [to Ares] .. drink?
Ares very sad: yeah.. I think I need a beer..
Zero: Now y'all are talkin!!
Peri: No beer until we are all back at the hotel.. we are not losing anyone else..
Cap: agreed.
Peri thinks in french : it is a shame I could not see Ben again, on account of it being so late. Maybe next time.
Meanwhile back in the zombie reality, Dave has emptied out the Rand NY lab and moved the stuff to the Baxter Building..
Dave to self: Ohw man.. Ah feel bad fur Big Steveo.. an' Steve Jr... jist a wean here. Munched oan.. wow.. thyt wis chillin' tæ the core! Cudnæ stæy there æfter seein' thyt!
[Dave gets to work making a full sized portal device, using a power source he found at Rand.. the power source is The Hand's bioelectric blood]
It's much later at the X-men Academy.. around 1am.. Hank, The Professor, Jeannine and Isabella are in the kitchen snacking, drink and talking.. having a pleasant conversation..
Prof. X : .. so you see it was Jeannine's uncle who paid for my post graduate thesis to be published, kindnesses like that should never be forgotten, and with all my faculties intact, I never will.
On recruiting Justin Hammer for Poker Night:
Ares very sad: yeah.. I think I need a beer..
Zero: Now y'all are talkin!!
Peri: No beer until we are all back at the hotel.. we are not losing anyone else..
Cap: agreed.
Peri thinks in french : it is a shame I could not see Ben again, on account of it being so late. Maybe next time.
Meanwhile back in the zombie reality, Dave has emptied out the Rand NY lab and moved the stuff to the Baxter Building..
Dave to self: Ohw man.. Ah feel bad fur Big Steveo.. an' Steve Jr... jist a wean here. Munched oan.. wow.. thyt wis chillin' tæ the core! Cudnæ stæy there æfter seein' thyt!
[Dave gets to work making a full sized portal device, using a power source he found at Rand.. the power source is The Hand's bioelectric blood]
It's much later at the X-men Academy.. around 1am.. Hank, The Professor, Jeannine and Isabella are in the kitchen snacking, drink and talking.. having a pleasant conversation..
Prof. X : .. so you see it was Jeannine's uncle who paid for my post graduate thesis to be published, kindnesses like that should never be forgotten, and with all my faculties intact, I never will.
Jeannine: wow.. I never knew that story!
Prof. X : Hank too.. when he was struggling for money in his early 20s, your uncle got him a paid internship.
Hank: it's true. I was so very grateful.
Prof. X : Back to the matter at hand.. I don't see any clear way of returning you to a time in a closer dimension.. to be frank, I don't think the technology exists.. and if it does, it's not on earth in this dimension.
Hank: Reed Richards is your best bet.. but if the Professor is saying what he is saying.. then I will guess he has scanned Reed Richards mind and already knows..
Prof. X : I did. They were unable to find or retrieve your companion. sad news I know. Is there *any* chance you would consider settling here?
Jeannine: I might.. but then this is not the will of the group, besides we have a dangerous reality warper with us.. he is called Mad Jim Jaspers.. I am pretty sure we need to get him to *modern* Division 3 facility. One where.. hopefully your son is in charge!
Prof. X : MY SON?
Jeannine: ohw have I spoken out of turn?.. pardon me most dearly monseigneur.. I apologize. [sad face]
Prof. X : No.. not at all.. I was just taken aback.. what is my son's name?
Jeannine: Admiral David Haller.. head of Division 3. Do you know Division 3??
Prof. X : No.. we must not have that here yet.. what is it?
Jeannine: it is.. a mental asylum for reality warpers.. your son is one of the most powerful reality warpers and that makes him ideal to be in charge.. he is also close friends with Captain Bretagne.. they have tea together at least once a month..
Prof. X : What a splendid idea.. a mental asylum for those who can shape reality but cannot relate to reality..
Back in the Zombie Baxter Building..
Dave: OKAY!.. here go's nuhin!
Dave steps through holding a smaller portal generator and a medium sized bottle of the bioelectric blood from Rand.. the grass is green, we are in a field.. it looks idyllic.. pleasant.. Dave looks over and see's some robot children playing and laughing happily..
Dave: 'Naw... næ wæy! Ah saw thys in an episode o' A Life Like This...' awe o' yon wean robots'll turn n' rip mæ tæ shreds..
[This is the same reality Alan saw in Div 3..
'A Life Like This..' being a analogue of our realities 'The Twilight Zone']
Just as Dave turns around the portal closes..
Dave : NAAAWWW!.. ohw flip this is sa much worse thun the zombie reality!
Dave sees a radio tower..
The robot children notice Dave .. and begin singing..
Dave [to self] : [Dave begins running toward it..] man.. thyt's even creepier!
But those robot children are fast! They pursue him and would have caught him if he wasn't so close to the tower.. Dave climbs as fast as he can.. the robot children make a circle around the tower but do not climb.. they are laughing and some are still singing.. Dave 'MacGyvers' himself a portal, using the mini portal device, the electro-blood and some tower components.. the portal appears but is too far away.. like 10 feet off the platform level..
Dave: YE HUV TÆ BÆ JOKIN' MÆ!! .. .. naw wait..
Dave aims the device at the ground and the portal shifts position but also realities (before we had seen an empty warehouse, then we see a jungle of Piranha Plants, then an industrial world and finally a city street..)
Dave jumps grabbing the portal device with him.. without switching it off the portal gets further and further from him as he hurtles to the ground.. where all those sinister robot children are..
Dave: Ah huvnæ thought thys through!
Dave looks at the children getting closer.. and at the last second..
Dave: Ohw aye!
Dave flips the off switch and goes through the portal.. landing on his back of the pavement.. as he stands up one of the robot children begins poking their head threw the portal as it closes.. searing it in half..
Dave: wa`ste næne wa`nt næne!.. thyt heed'll come in handy! Noo where um Ah??
Dave grabs the seared head.. looks up to see:
'The Barrowlands' sign
Dave: Ah'm in the Barras?? Ya Dancer!! Glæsga .. Ah'm HAME!
A female passerby says: Shut iyt ye weirdo!.. talkin tæ yersel.. wit a pure beamer!
Her boyfriend: ye wa`ntin' lift`yt aff the polis?
Dave to self with a big smile: aye hame riȝht enough!
[Back at the hotel in the 618 reality.. Gil walks through the door with Firegirl.. the team have congregated in Gil and Peri's room, interrupting a ongoing conversation]
Alan: Ah'm no sæyin' wi huv lo`st 'im..
Alan: hey boss! .. an' o' course the lovely Isabella.. hehe
Lep: ye'd be in trouble Alan.. if Ah didnæ fancy her masel! hehe
Alan: hey! it wis a joke!
Lep: hehehe
Isabella mystified: what?
Peri: Any good fortune with the Professor?
Gil: none.
Cap: I have a lead..
Gil and Peri: really??
When I got back to the hotel I had a message waiting for me.. from my sister Betsy. She has given me a phone number of a powerful sorcerer.. who apparently can transport us to other dimensions..
Ares [big smile] : It's Doctor Strange isn't it??
Cap: no.. much .. much.. worse.
Ares: ohw dear. ... who?
Cap: Doctor Doom.
Ares: whoaaa..
Gil.. french shouty swearing.
Gil: non!.. absolu dans mon cœur.. non!
Cap: She said he 'owed her a favor' but didn't elaborate beyond that..
Alan: Ah see how ye didnæ tell us! fair enough.. Ah'm oot. If Ah see thyt guy again unner ony circumstance.. Ah'm goiny rip his heed aff!
Isabella and Lep: nooo.. Alan..
Lep: if we leave ye've GOT tæ come wit us!!
Ares: I feel the same. Not going if he's the way out. catch a lift another way..
Isabella: wow.. this makes me so sad, we are splitting up the group.. who is for going with Doom's help and who is for not??
Cap: I'm willing, this Doom is not the same person and I can live with that.
JJ comes out of the shower..
JJ: ohw.. I used your shower I hope you don't mind!
Gil: non.
JJ : I was listening from the bathroom while toweling down.. I don't have a problem with using Dooms help. Can I add.. I am probably as powerful, if not more powerful than he is.. I have experience in extra-dimensional..
Gil and Cap interrupt at once: NO!
JJ: then prudently, I side with the Captain.
[Cap makes a shiver noise like he is chilled to hear this]
Peri begins to stare at Gil.. then glares..
Gil: OK!.. we will go!..
Zero: I'd prefer to stay with Ares..
Ares: ohw that's so sweet bro!! so kind!
Zero: .. .. I'd prefer it.. but I need to get my weed on real soon. So I hope ya'll understand bro! I'm going with these cats.. coz whole time in NYC in this reality.. I did not even get tiny whiff of it walking down the street.. so I'm assuming there's none in this reality or some junk.
Ares: w-what?
Zero: it's been real brother! but no blunts equals no fun. I'm out. we been bros a long time, you know me.
Ares sad face.
Ares: Lep? Firegirl? are you going with them?
Lep: Ah'm stayin wit me man.. sa iyf he's no goin' Ah'm no goin'..
Isabella: I want to go with donita Guillotine.. but only three left behind seems unfair.. and how can I separate from my meteor sister? .. no.. with Guillotine's permission I will stay and we will try to find you again.. and Dave.
Gil: I am worried for you.. and worried for you all.. but at the same time I still have my reservations about using Doom's help.. so what more can I say??
Gil to Isabella: granted.
Ares: any chance of some spare cash Captain?
Alan: aye 20k should tide us o'wer..
Cap: here's 50.
Alan: big hanks man! solid!
Ares: same. 50k. wow. solid. [shakes Cap's hand]
Lep grabs Cap, who is much taller, and gives him a kiss on the cheek.
Lep: cheers ye big galoot.. look efter yursel now ye hear mæ!
Cap smiles a little abashed.
Isabella to Gil: Sorry donita. I must do this!
Gil: Do not worry too much.. we are hopefully heading in the same direction [wink]
[unseen by anyone except to us, hidden by her hood.. a single tear rolls down Jeannine's cheek as she winks.. but the hood was so dark Isabella only saw the wink and not the tear]
[The mysterious woman covered in shadow watches through the same portal.. listening]
MW: This accelerates my plans for my spider..somewhat..
Meanwhile.. in the new reality.. Dave is at Central Station, Glasgow City.. talking to the train attendant in the ticket booth..
Dave: naw.. see Ah've only go`at American money..
Train Attendant: Listen pal.. Ah wa`nt tæ bæ nice..bit.. Ah cannæ pit thyt in the til.. ye unnderstaun?
Dave: aye totally fair enough..
Dave looks through the money Cap gave him to get food at the cafeteria.. $550 ..
Dave thinks: o'werkill wæ the money.. bit Cap mighta jist saved ma life! næ wæy Ah wa`nt tæ bæ iyn Glesga alæn æfter dark!
Dave: dæ ye know o` an exchange aboot here?
TA: Ah hink there's wan up ayt Queen Street son.. aye pretty sure..
Dave: næ bother.. hanks fur yer help mate. [smiles]
TA: mind yursel!
Dave starts walking along the road under the bridge and up the massively long Buchanan Street hill.. the place is pretty deserted with only one maybe two people walking down the street.. it's around 5pm.
There are strange metal globes on tall poles with a metal vertical visor spinning around it making the light strip flash..
Dave thinks: wit the flip iys thyt?!?
Overhead a sentinel flys.. it is much bigger than the ones the US military had planned.. by a factor of ten.
Dave thinks: Aweriȝht.. noo Ah get it.. reality where mutants urnæ welcome! Shame! hud such high hopes there fur a minute.. mind ye.. Ah'm fine.. Ah'm no a mutant. Git masel back tæ Dumbarton.. fun oot wits wit wæ somewhere tæ live/stæy. Make some proper calculations afore settin' aff again.
[Back in the 618 reality at the hotel as night falls.. Siobhan and Alan are in bed together..Siobhan is fast asleep.. but Alan is restless.. ]
thinking:
Alan: Ah ken he exists.. stop hinkin' aboot 'im!
Alan: Naw.. he's jist sittin' there wæoot a care in the world.. Ah cud go there rip his heed aff and thyt wid bi thyt!
Alan: naw. naw. .. stop obessin' aboot him!
Alan: ohhw Ah cannæ sleep known he's there..
[the corner shadow begins to grow.. it makes a portal and a 'spidery' old lady can be seen watching Alan]
Alan: Wit the flip! Siobhan wake up! noo!
Lep: whats up ye dafty.. Ah wis sleepin' .. Ah'm not feelin randy da now..
Madam Webb: Do not be alarmed.. I watch over all my spiders.. including you Alan McKay..
Lep half asleep: dis a dream?.. but Ah don't fancy her.. don't make me have a threesome wit her Alan.. it's weird.. she a spider?.. dat's too weird!
Alan: WAKE UP!!
Lep suddenly becomes alert to what's happening..
Lep: OKAY!!
[Lep teleports all four of them into Madam Webbs dimension.. Isabella is just in her nighty, Ares is in boxers.. both Alan and Siobhan are nude]
Alan: clæse..
Lep: clæse what?
Alan in English: clothing.
Lep: ohw right! .. prude iyf ye ask me tho..
[Lep makes all four of them their 'hero' attire]
Ares: the money..
[Lep opens a portal behind her and reaches into Alan and Siobhan's room and grabs the money from their bedside table]
Ares: all our stuff?
Lep: FYNE! grumpy! Ah'm jist awake!
[Lep teleports all their stuff to their feet in Madam Webbs Lair]
Isabella begins to get re-dressed
Isabella: No peeping!
Ares under breath: that will take a level of restraint I'm not sure I have..
All are staring at Isabella.. half asleep until Madam Webb puts a web curtain up in front of Isabella..
MW: AHEM!
after Isabella is dressed.. Lep then just strips in front everyone..
Lep: Ah kinda like dys! [beaming smile].. makin mæ randy.
Alan: .. .. too knackered tæ argue
Lep Alan and Ares strip and get changed..
Isabella: now I feel guilty.. I peeped on all of yous.. maybe I should show you all my boob?
Madam Webb: NO!
Ares to Isabella whisper: rain check on that please..
Alan and Lep look at her somewhat sleepily and nod.. (they would like a rain check too.)
[the group are now full dressed in their real hero gear.. with a duffle bag of whatever the rest of their stuff is including the clothes that Lep made]
MW: I contacted you Alan in the hope you would be able aid me and I you..
Alan: wit's the script?
MW: Hmm?
Alan in English: What is the plan.. what do you want?
MW: I have a reality that would be perfect for all of you..but that reality's earth is under threat of Galactus.. and Thanos.. they have teamed-up
Alan: Let mæ st`op ye riȝht there.. Ah kin smash Galactus. næ bother. Peter Parker fæ ma dimension did it.. an Ah fought him.. thot he wis a whoose. Sa.. aye.. geez a lift tæ yer place.. ohw.. an` git the rest o' oor team tæ uys a'naw.. an wi huv a deal!
MW: I didn't *really* understand what you said.. but I think you are agreeing?
Alan: no ye a'naw.. AYE.. YES I AM AGREEING.
Ares thinks: Who or what is a ..Thanos?
MW: very well [big smile]
Alan: Who exactly ur ye? Ah've never heard o' ye..
MW: I am the multifactor of the universe..
Alan: that's no wit Ah'm æskin' .. naw.. wait..
Alan: let mæ guess 'you're a version of either Aunt May oar Gwen who got hawf eaten bi a huge mutated spider who then went oan tæ bæ Sorcerer Supreme æfter Doc Strange died'
MW: So you're more than just anger.. you're actually smart too..'
Alan answers: Ah'm Scottish.. check the list o' inventions.. we're awe smært.'
Lep: How ur ye any more powerful dan meself?
MW: I'm not.. just more experienced..
Lep: Ah dunno.. Ah'm pretty experienced..
Alan: she doesnæ mean wæ drink oar sex Siobhan..
Lep: ohw.. Ah'm still kinda sleepy..
MW: Siobhan.. its is truly awe inspiring!
Lep: Ah dunno about dat!
MW: you mean you do not know what is inside you?
[Alan raises an eyebrow]
Lep: naw.. Ah'm fyne.. Ah believe in the Lord Almighty.. t'ank ye very much!
MW: But.. you have so much power!
Lep: Iyf Ah get curious.. Ah'll let ye know!
[MW looks at Alan.. Alan is staring at her waiting for an answer.. MW stares back.. few seconds pass]
Alan responds: Aye defo! tell mæ.. Ah'm champin' ayt the bit here!
[Madam Webb makes holograms of what she is speaking of appear as she speaks]
MW: She has four infinity stones and many different cosmic cube shards.. it's quite the cocktail! While Isabella here, has one infinity stone and most of one cosmic cube, with a few shards missing.. the meteors as they struck them, acted like a catalyst.. a spark that ignited the cosmic shards to fluidize the infinity stones.. this like mixing your drinks has made an exponential increase of power..
Ares: I know a little about these infinity stones.. they are powerful stuff.. the Dark Elves had something called the Reality Stone also known as 'The Ether'..
MW: That's one of the stones that Shobian doesn't have.. along with the Power Stone which is the one that Isabella does have.. however, the cosmic cube shards turned the infinity stones they do have into a liquid like the Reality Stone.. which I assume is how that stone became liquid..
Ares: But by the sounds of it.. she wouldn't be able to warp reality without that stone..
MW: The four stones have merged.. usually the Power Stone is the chief stone supplying and guiding the other stones.. however this time is different.. with the Time Stone taking on some of the properties of the Reality Stone and becoming the chief stone. She has the Time Stone, the Space Stone, the Mind Stone, the Soul Stone.. but also shards of different cosmic cubes.. she has the heart and a shard of the Tangent Cube.. which is what was missing from Isabella's cube..
Firegirl: So meteor sisters truly!
MW: you have such a warm and generous heart Isabella! You have warmed this old lady's heart even for a moment.. after all I have seen..
Alan: go oan..
Lep interjects: Ah'm no sure Ah'm wanting to be hearing this Alan McKay!
Alan: Ohw come oan ma love!.. we've hud næ telly fur ages.. an` this is the mæst interestin hing since we awe watched mid-season finale o` secret gambler!
Lep: hmmm
MW: should I continue?
Alan: aye.. dinnæ stop noo..
Lep: suppose.. but Alan McKay yur either eaten muff oar crow the night!
Alan: [ to Lep ] first wan! deal! [ to MW ] go oan..
Lep beams [to MW.. slowly spoken] : me man loves mæ!
[Holograms continue*]
MW: [ not sure what to say ] quite.. the Tangent Cube has the power to make things more or less likely.. with Isabella, it simply increases her power, but for Siobhan and her other stones, it has taken a different role.. She also has shards of the Red Cube also known as the Blood Cube.. it manipulates DNA and organic life.. which is similar to another shard she has of the Verdant Cube.. she has 3 more shards of other cubes, the Kosmos Cube, the Engineering Cube, the Element Cube. Kobik in her natural form was shards of the Engineering Cube, what Siobhan has is Kobik's alternate reality version counterpart.
Alan and Ares and Isabella: woooow!
MW: yes.. 'wow' indeed! The liquefaction of the stones and shards has made quite the potent mixture! How she became 'green' .. that is another mystery entirely..
Lep: HEY! cheeky!.. iyt's lyke when ye mix all da colours n' get brown.. 'cept dis time it's green [big cheesy smile]
MW: I don't think it works like that Siobhan..
Ares: gotta say.. bit skeptical myself..
Alan: aye.. thyt soonds.. no riȝht.. ye wid git broon..
Lep [annoyed] : how wid yez awal know dat?? yez ur the daft ones! Ah'm tellin' yez!
Alan [ to MW ] : sa.. how aboot gettin us hame?.. stærtin' tæ feel lit a 80s D&D cærtoon aboot here!
* [The Tangent Cube (Orange) The Red Cube also known as The Blood Cube (Dark Red) The Verdant Cube (Green) The Kosmos Cube (White) , The Engineering Cube (White/Blue), The Element Cube (Purple)]
Meanwhile in the 618 reality in Latveria.. Doom is in his study with the group.. the same study he killed Excalibur in the Kobik reality..
Doctor Doom: I see..
Cap: So is it OK?.. I mean Betsy was..
Doom interrupts: Psylocke.. yes.. yes it's fine..
Doom to JJ: Aren't you Mad Jim Jaspers?
JJ: Well.. yes.. but not the one you might know..
Doom: Why aren't you helping your team to get 'home'..?
Gil answers in his stead: We have our own trust issues and social dynamics in the group.. we do not feel right about that sort of thing..
JJ: charming..
Doom: I seeee.. then.. let us proceed to my basement..
[we cut to the basement 10 minutes later.. Doom has them all in chains in a circle attached to vibranium metal cross boards except JJ.. who is standing next to him.. both laughing, fists on hips, legs astride.. villain laughs..]
Zero: Ohw COME ON!
JJ gleefully: What do you plan to do with them?
Doom: I will keep them as my pets..
Cap: my sister will come looking for us..
Doom: no she won't! I already sent a message saying you and your team had left for another dimension! HAHA
Cap: ohw right.. forgot about that..
Gil: french shouty swearing
Doom walks over to Cap and begins to drain his lifeforce through his gauntlet.. the light from the energy reflecting in Doom's face in the dark dungeon..
Doom: Do you feel my power Captain Britain??
Cap: AGHAGHGH
JJ asides with Gil and whispers: I really hope I'm not as 'chicken of the cave' insane as this fellow..
JJ snaps his fingers and Gil, Zero & Peri's chains fall off..
Gil whispers: merci!
The group stand at Doom's back.. he becomes alarmed and turns around.. as he does Cap breaks his own chains.. and with a mighty whack! knocks Doom out..
Cap: While I appreciate you getting us out of this.. WHY ON EARTH DIDN'T YOU BREAK MY CHAINS TOO??
[in the background we see Jeannine & Alain put their respective suits back on]
JJ slyly: planning..
Cap stares at JJ angrily: hmmm
JJ: he has a dimensional map dial [picks it up].. I can use this to navigate.. why don't we just go??
Gil: but what about the re..
[JJ uses the dial.. they are in a warehouse]
Gil: ..st of the team..
JJ: whoops!
Cap: aghagha.. no no no..
JJ: you didn't hit him that hard.. he was regaining consciousness!
Meanwhile in Dumbarton in the Sentinel reality.. Dave is sitting on a swing in Dumbarton East Park.. a lovely victorian park with the elevated train station high up to his right.. its lightly raining and no one is around..
DS to self: Riȝht.. ma fæmly doesnæ seem tæ huv moved here.. place looks kinda the same tho.. cept' this pærk looks lit it did afore we came tæ live here.. there's næ fitbaw groon.. guess we hud an impact..? Ah never played fitbaw tho.. næ idea.. bit Ah've still næwhere tæ live!
At that moment in the sky, a huge robot battle begins.. Leopardon (Marveller), Takuya Yamashiro's (Japanese Spider-Man) robot is fighting the Sentinels .. part of a Sentinel leg, on fire, drops down 20 feet from where Dave is sitting..
Dave: man.. Ah need tæ git oot o` here!
Dave checks his bag.. he only has a small amount of the bioelectric blood left.. we can also see two components of the portal device are fried.. we see a corner of the child robot head..
Dave: welp.. wa`ste næne wa`nt næne..
Dave gets up and starts rolling the leg part on the grass until the fire goes out.. Dave begins ripping out components and sticking them in his backpack until the backpack is overflowing..we see Dave walking along the cycle path to the Greenhead bridge, under the bridge.. which instead of a cycle path is a small canal.. he sits by the canal..
Dave: aye guid haul!
Dave takes a screwdriver and a zippo out of the backpack, lighting the zippo and heating the screwdriver as a soldering iron.. he begins to work..
Dave thinks: Ayt least Ah wilnæ huv robot pærts hittin mæ fæ the sky unner a bridge hehe
Meanwhile.. Team B of Widow-Spider, Leprechaun, Ares and Firegirl are landing in a new reality.. reality 261.. they look behind them under a huge shadow and look up.. and look up some more.. to see Galactus.. floating in the earth's orbit.. he is wearing a full infinity gauntlet and is heralded by Thanos, who wields two cosmic cubes and the Silver Surfer's board..
Lep: DAT'S ONE GIANT LOLLIPOP!
FG: Hame Kami?
Lep: .. prolly..
WS: he seems tæ huv hud a power up since oor reality.. [points].. check the jewelry..
Ares: dunno about the jewelry.. but I once seen him fight Surtur.. Surtur smashed him. roll credits.
WS: .. .. wait. whhyy?
Ares: Oh he showed up at Muspelheim .. got a taste for Surtur's minions.. thousands of years ago..
WS: Lep darlin'.. fancy meltin' a lollipop?
FG: Hey! I do the melting!
Lep: Den let's go tagither an` gee da boys a rest [ winks at Firegirl ]
Ares: .. I like fighting too!
A person on fire runs by the group..
WS: no tæ cramp anywans style oar anyhin.. bit.. if Lep could go the noo... thyt wid bæ great!
Ares: fair enough. Good luck guys [ warm smile ]
Lep: .. .. its girls.. but Ah knew what'cha meant [ winks as she and Firegirl fly up towards Galactus]
WS: Sa Ah guess we fight yon wee dude wæ the glowin' lawn ornaments?
Ares: guess so.. that board helps its owner phase matter.. when I fought the Silver Surfer.. he was a total pain.. two hours of fighting.. until I banged two axes together and made a shockwave..
WS: Soonds lit a plan! if ye make blades.. Ah kin use thum tæ git up..
As Lep and Firegirl fly towards Galactus.. Thanos flies towards them and crashes into Lep..
Lep: Ehh.. excuse mæ!.. rude much!
Firegirl blasts Thanos with jets of fire.. he shrugs it off..
Thanos: pityful!
Firegirl grits her teeth. Fire begins to swirl around Firegirl and the winds begins to blow strong as the fire changes the air pressure...
Firegirl: DO NOT DARE SHAME ME PURPLE MAN!
Firegirl blasts jets of fire that to Thanos's surprise knock him into orbit.. he composes himself as he stops his board.. but Firegirl was following him and 'fire punches' him in the face.. he is dazed.. he uses one of the cubes create a bubble shield around himself..
Widow-Spider and Ares were half way up to where Thanos was..
WS: Ohw.. now he's in space..
Lep flies over.. you guys need a lift to the ground?.. Ah told yez tæ relax!
WS: erm.. aye .. miby.. fur masel
Just as Lep was about to teleport Widow-Spider.. Firegirl.. flaming & unconscious re-enters the atmosphere..
Lep determined eyes. angry.
Thanos re-enters the atmosphere..
Lep: HAMMI KAMMMIEEE..
Lep blasts Thanos with both dimensional and laser energy.. his left arm starts to disintegrate.. with his right he crushes the Cosmic Cube (orange) and absorbs its power which slows the disintegration.. he flies towards Lep ramming her.. WS and Ares are stunned to see she is.. knocked out!..
WS: Ohw.. flipppp!!!
Ares and Widow-Spider (swinging on Ares' flying blades) go over to confront Thanos.. Widow-Spider's Spider-Sense pains him into blacking out for a split second.. as Thanos wide energy blasts them both.. Ares is unphased but Widow-Spider falls 100 feet.. but Widow-Spider manages to web one of Ares lower blades and stop himself falling
WS: AH UM SO GOINY KILL HIM!!
Thanos to Ares: I remember you.. it was fun to kill you the first time.. I will enjoy killing you again.
The disintegration has slowed a lot.. but not stopped.. Ares sends many blades towards Thanos' weak spot, his left arm.. ten blades penetrate his bubble and into his left shoulder..
Thanos: AGHOHW!
We go back a few minutes to follow Lep.. she is falling at speed towards the earth and crashes into a old barn.. back to present time in the sky:
From nowhere Ares hears ..music ..
Ares: .. Bee Gees? ..Stayin' Alive?
Lep soars past Ares.. she is RAGIN'! The music seems to be coming from her... she has Widow-Spider in a green bubble 30 feet below her following her around..
Lep faces Thanos.. her right hand glows, she unphases his board.. her left hand glows and she sucks all the orange power of the cosmic cube out of Thanos that he had absorbed .. with her left hand she makes a gesture like grabbing him by his unmentionables as she does this.. reality around Thanos begins to crumple.. like it's made of paper..
Thanos: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? GALACTUS SAVE ME!!
Leps grip gets tighter and tighter until .. poof! Thanos turns into a disco-ball and falls to earth..Widow-Spider bursts into laughter: HAHAH! Dillion!
Lep determined eyes: Now fur da lollipop!
WS: bit.. bit.. look ahun us!..
Ares: WHOA!!
Few minutes before Leprechaun fell to earth, Firegirl was still on fire and melting into the earth.. still unconscious she melts through the earth's core..the team are unaware of this.. she comes out the other side.. the blaze can be seen from this height as the team are almost out of the atmosphere.. Firegirl has burned a large hole through the earth..
Lep: .. .. [under breath] whooopsie
WS: Ares.. wa`nt tæ go git her mate!?!
Ares: She might melt.. me??
Galactus: YOU HAVE DONE THE HERALDS JOB FOR HIM I WILL CRACK THIS PLANET LIKE AN EGG..
Ares: He's not wrong. ..
WS and Lep silence & staring at Ares.
Ares:Okay.. I'll get Firegirl.. yous deal with Galactus!
Ares flys round the earth to get Firegirl..
WS to Lep: Iys iyt no a moot point noo.. tæ gee him a doin'?
Lep: erm.. how worse can it get??
2 hours later and a quarter of the planet has broke off, the disheveled looking team including Firegirl are regrouping, having a quick rest and a chat.. Galactus too is a bit battle worn and one of the infinity stones is missing a large shard.. he has various melted parts.. his 'horn' is broken off and stuck in the side of his head.. the lower part of his leg is hanging off.. his chest is a giant tape player playing the Bee Gees.. with no 'stop' button..
Alan: Ah hæ næ idea how Petey boy did it! .. Ah fun the power regulators.. smashed thum.. nuhin! It'll bæ the jewelry!
Lep breath panting: MAN.. he isnæ a lollipop.. he kicks like a donkey dat yuv fed a curry!
[ flashback : a field. rural Ireland. in the middle of the night, moon out clear sky, drunk Siobhan to the donkey; it's nutritious I assure you.. [ BLETCH / BURP].. ]
Lep :..no follow up questions oan dat.. t'anks!
Galactus consumes the broken chunk of the earth..
WS: Thys husnæ worked oot lit we imagined!
FG: This is why we need Donita Guillotine!
WS: Miby oan tæ somhin there Firegirl..
Galactus cracks the remaining earth.. Lep bubbles the team.. Galactus throws half the remaining earth into the sun and consumes the other remaining half..
Galactus: NO HARD FEELINGS.. YOU FOUGHT BRAVELY BUT WERE OUTMATCHED.
An asteroid floats by and the team stand on it as Galactus flies away..
Ares: FLIP!
WS: aye 'flip!'.. also.. how ur we gettin.. anywhere?..Ah mean we should prolly avoid Madam Webb.. æfter this [ points to the little chunks of asteroid where the earth was ]
Two hours later.. the team are having a little campfire and a portal opens.. the team stand up as Kang the Conqueror with mighty stance comes through a portal on to the asteroid
Kang: Do-gooders see your destruction and quake before Kang the Conquer..wait.. Ares?
[Ares walks up as Kang stops floating]
Ares: Hey bro!
[both fist bump]
Kang: bring it in bro!
[both short hug]
Kang: what you doin' here bro? Is Bullseye still mad at you?
Ares: This is my team.. we're looking for a way to get home to our closest but not our dimension.. mouthful.. and yeah.. he's still pretty mad last I saw him.. he shot me in the forehead with a sniper rifle.. he knew it wouldn't pierce the skin.. just hurt a lot! So I would say he's still pretty mad.. did you discover if he found fluffy like I asked you?
Kang: yeahhh.. bad news.. after fluffy escaped.. he couldn't find her.. you must have really burned that chocolate into her fur.. I still don't understand .. how?? I don't really think you would do it out of badness bro.. but
Ares: NOoo .. I was trying to make those truffle things and all I had was chocolates and toastie maker.. so I sat down while the chocolate boiled in the maker.. sitting the maker on the table..
Kang: So.. fluffy came in and snagged the cable and it just went on top of her.. right?
Ares: not exactly.. but let's go with that..
[Flashback/What happened: as above but fluffy [a bulldog/corgi cross] came in the livingroom to see what her 'uncle Ares' was doing.. Ares very drunk acknowledges fluffy but with a 2 second memory puts his feet up on the table.. which means he kicks the toastie maker and bubbling boiling chocolate over fluffy.. he didn't mean it.. but it happened.. fluffy understandably quite upset.. starts making lots of noise.. Ares thinks he need to cool down the chocolate so she won't be in as much pain.. so he takes her outside.. and goes and gets a pan of water.. when he returns she is gone. The chocolates were special gift to an elderly friend, who had been watching Bullseyes flat while Bullseye was out and sometimes checked on fluffy through the window.. only Deadpool and Ares knew who fluffy was.. fluffy was a therapy animal Bullseyes psychiatrist made him get.. and it was working. Double betrayal!
Bullseye had been talking to his psychiatrist about killing the old person for 'spying' on him, but his psychiatrist had talked him to buying and giving the person chocolates instead and seeing how Bullseye felt about giving them that instead.]
Kang: do you guys need a lift home?
Ares: that would be awesome bro!
Kang: it's nothing.. of course, anything for you bro!
Ares: We're looking for the rest of our team..
Kang: .. tall order.. but like I said.. anything for you bro*!.. .. most places are better than this.. I seen a place where everyone looked happy.. [shrugs]
Lep whisper to WS: how does he know him again??
WS shrugs
*See Exposition Theatre
Meanwhile Team A in the new reality..
Gil: THIS IS WHY WE DID NOT WANT LEPRECHAUN TO DO THIS! SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS DOING AND IT SEEMS.. NEITHER DO YOU!!
JJ: [ silent.. bit sad ]
Cap: She has a point.. I mean you were there when we all had that talk..
JJ: not much of a talk.. if you ask me.
Peri peeks out the door to the outside, with the team (except Zero) peeking behind him.. large plants wearing human clothes are walking down the street.. they go back inside.
Peri & Gil: NOPE!
Cap: .. .. Little Shop of Horrors anyone?
Zero to self: .. I think I can smell weed.. ?
JJ: okay.. I may have made a mistake..
Gil: Let's just get out of here.. JJ can you get us someone.. better?
JJ looks awkward.. then says: I can tryyy...
using the dial map he tries to figure out a new route..
JJ: maybe this?? [ he has a worried expression ]
Gil: [ shouty french swearing ] ... bein.
Team A teleport..
Team B teleport..
Dave teleports..
Chances of them all reaching the same reality at the same time.. in the same place:
1.4258789e+42 to 1. But on this day.. at this time.. that '1' is powerful enough to make it happen..
Welcome to Reality-538!
As they are walking out of the portal Kang and Ares are chatting.
Kang: so of course the Russian equivalents nuked him, that Kang was stoopid.. killed the Avengers took over the world.. then let the Winter Guard aka 'Russian Avengers' kill him.. stoopid [shakes his head, then face palms]
ARES: DAVE??.. JEANNINE?? GUYS??!? [huge smile on Ares' face]
The team reunite on a NY street corner.. hugs all around.. except we pan to Widow-Spider and Captain England who were about to hug but both stopped hand shaked instead with a big smile.
Kang: ZERO!.. hows you bro?
Zero: Hey Kang.. I still haven't got my weed on!
Kang pulls a joint out of his belt..slipping it to Zero : shh.. down low bro!
Zero tears in eyes: Dunno how I can ever repay you.. total bro man!
Kang: let me slide on those two gold bars.. [ awkward smile ]
Zero: hmm..you used up your pass for this year.. but seein' how situations.. okay.. yeh.
Kang: totally needed that as I'm kinda short on funds this year..
Zero: Wait a mo.. how do I know you're the same Kang I know.. I mean my reality got zim-zapped wit cosmic cube voodoo..
Kang whispers: no take backsies.
Zero annoyed. But sparks his smoke and chiiillls ouuttt.
Lep: Dat's a good point.. how do we know dis is our Dave tho? we seen some freaky stuff..
Gil: same here..
Dave answers with a big smile: Aye Ah kin prove it.. by knowin' the sheer amoont Lep eats.. the smell a'naw.. ye'd think fur a reality warper she cud change the smell..
The team look at each other and nod in agreement.
Gil: fair enough
Lep is a little annoyed.
Widow-Spider giggles..
Lep under her breath to Alan: ye watch yursel Alan McKay! Ah still huvnæ hud ye eatin' me muff..
WS: Hotel first ma love [wink]
Lep: fair enough.
WS: .. .. an' Isabella telt us she wid geez a swa`tch o` her boob..
Lep: ohw! Ah forgo'at about dat! wanna see her.. [blushes] makin' mæ randy now.
The team begins to look around this world.. (Kang is waiting for Ares to dismiss him.. as in their poker/drinking group/club Ares outranks him)...
Intermission:
Exposition Theatre
Ares' Poker/Drinking Club;
'The Dead-Pokers' :
Deadpool (Founding member, President)
Ares (Founding member Vice President)
Zero (Founding member)
Bullseye (Founding member. Not allowed to be dealer.)
Dopinder
(Founding member. Club Secretary. taxi cab driver.. Zero is a little afraid of him.. because NY Taxi driver + the movie)
Kang the Conqueror (Founding member. on permitted sabbatical. four months in a six month sabbatical)
Hank Pym (Founding member. Monthly showing by permission)
Deadpool: He's getting old.. we better let him keep some of his money for retirement!
Justin Hammer
(First recruited member. pays for chips/dip/pizza/booze/everything.. Bullseye *hates* him/bullies him)
Alicia Osborne
(New to the group; 2 years. cousin-niece to Norman Osborne, her father is Norman's cousin) Senior VP of Biotech at OSCorp
Magneto (new to the group; 18 months. on permitted sabbatical.. but the guys aren't worried as most of them owe him money)
Shatterstar (on probation)
Cable (STILL on probation.. even after a year for starting a fight with Kang)
Applicant waiting list:
Emma Frost (but Magneto has blocked/black balled this as she 'just wants to meet Ares')
Willow Trask
(cousin of Bolivar and Simon Trask. She is Head Professor of the 'Practical Physics' Department at ESU. Justin Hammer has blocked her.)
Dylan Brock (Currently has a symbiote known as Feral. Currently blocked by Deadpool as 'there's young and then there's too young.. this isn't a PG13 comic or anything!')
Banned:
Doc Ock
(now banned/semi-banned for crying after losing/bubbling about his late wife for the second time)
Batroc the Leaper (ditches but doesn't tell the others.. semi banned)
Rocket and Groot (perma-banned for cheating)
Batroc the Leaper (ditches but doesn't tell the others.. semi banned)
Rocket and Groot (perma-banned for cheating)
Big Bertha (perma-banned did not pay debts. Argument about whether or not they were 'real' debts)
Wilson Fisk (accused the group of cheating then started a fight.. but was NOT drunk while doing so.. for NOT being drunk while doing so.. he is perma-banned)
Domino (for obvious reasons)
Former:
Domino (for obvious reasons)
Former:
Inez Temple
Dazzler (only came once)
Markus (CTO and Head of Engineering at Hallerom Industries.. may or may not be deceased due to collapsed reality)
Big Steve Sr : Junior VP of Engineering at Rand. (may or may not be deceased like Markus)
When Alicia showed up at Hallerom Industries* :
Hank: Ohw.. its you Alicia! We know each other from Poker night..
Alicia: hey Hank! .. hey Markus! Ares said you weren't coming next week..
Hank: yeeahh.. got to get my beauty sleep sometime..
Alicia: HA! thats VERY true! hahah
Hank: ha.ha.
Hank turns to Dave whispers: I really worry.. about that girl's eyesight! 2 years and she still doesn't fancy me!
Dave: miby no thyt.. *some* people jist dinnæ like banging bones an *actual* dust comes up!
Hank: funny. Make sure you hold the screwdriver the right way round.. don't go embarrassing yourself in front of these nice and possibly rich folks and ruin your rep for being competent!
Dave: wan time Ah go`at the wrang ratchet.. it was an 1/8th o' an inch difference.. experiences husnæ tamed yon rose coloured glæsses o` yursel
Dave: wan time Ah go`at the wrang ratchet.. it was an 1/8th o' an inch difference.. experiences husnæ tamed yon rose coloured glæsses o` yursel
Hank: My eyesight is fine!.. unlike this attractive but in need of glasses woman here.
Alicia: What are you two whispering about?
Alicia: What are you two whispering about?
Dave: Hank's tellin' mæ he's thinkin' o' goin' intæ modelin'.. cover o' GQ an' awe thyt..
Alicia: good luck.. it's a difficult industry.
[Dave stares at Hank.. and mouths the words 'Of course she could hear us.. it wis blind ye wir sæyin she wis.. no deef']
* Euro-Avengers #4
On recruiting Justin Hammer for Poker Night:
[group looking at Hank]
Ares: you're the richest out of all of us.. Kang and I don't even carry money..
Ares: you're the richest out of all of us.. Kang and I don't even carry money..
Hank: Then how are yous going to gamble at poker?
Ares: badly. But for realz.. Wade/Zero/Bullseye will cover us and then we will pay them in gold later..
Hank: but ..I'm broke.. you guys are crazy if you think I got megacash!
Zero: Also I need my weed on..
Deadpool: what he said.. lots of drugs and/or booze
Hank: I know this weasel.. Justin Hammer.. he's loaded!
Bullseye (Irish) : Stop bein' tight an' buy us some drink!
Hank: For real B.. I'm low on funds!
Deadpool: how rich is this Justin guy?
Hank: megabucks!
Deadpool: how rich is this Justin guy?
Hank: megabucks!
Kang: sounds like that settles it.. lets get him..
Deadpool: seconded.
Ares: Thirded.
Deadpool: any black balls? hehe.. Deadpool 2: I really enjoyed hearing that
Bullseye to the guys while Deadpool continues to whisper to himself
Bullseye to the guys while Deadpool continues to whisper to himself
Bullseye (Irish): Ah hav me reservations.. but okay.. Ah want me drink oan!
Dopinder: But didn't he like.. blow up a load of Asians?
Deadpool: That's enough politics for you young man.. I'm cutting you off!
Dopinder: .. .. I guess it would be nice to have pizza that didn't have bits of pancake stuck to it..
Dopinder: .. .. I guess it would be nice to have pizza that didn't have bits of pancake stuck to it..
Hank: I'll second that! .. yuck! I used to love pancakes before I met you Wade..
Intermission end:
The group are chatting..
Gil: we need to find somewhere to stay..maybe the Marquis again?
Ares: Ohw Captain!.. your 50k! [hands it back]
Cap: Thanks, appreciated... hey.. you're a couple of hundred short..
Ares: drink money? [cheesy smile ]
Cap: [grunts].. I suppose.. it's been a stressful time for us all.
Ares notices Kang waiting..
Ares: dismissed bro.. ohw and tell the others I'm not ditching.. just trapped in another dimension.. dimensions..
Kang: no worries bro. consider it done [smile] .. bye Zero! ..Kang leaves in a portal.
Zero very baked: what??
Four hours later.. the group has spend the early afternoon in the Marquis, by late afternoon they are walking down the street and begin to notice the people.. everyone of them is *super* happy! .. too happy.
WS: drugs?
Lep: good sex?
Cap:.. .. mind control. I've seen it dozens of times..
JJ: You're welcome.. [stifled laughter]
Cap: not just you.. few different types..few different people..
Gil: seems this might not be the right reality for us..
Dave Ohw.. Ah dunno..
Dave is staring at a huge poster of Susan Storm, she is wearing a cowboy style outfit.. underneath 'Susan Storm .. Real Estate and Law.. for prices that will make you feel like a outlaw!'
Dave is attracted to a single/unmarried (reality-538) Susan Storm that looks like 'Black Sue' see Dark Reign Fantastic Four issue # 3..
Dave: wow.. Ah mean Ah hud ayways seen her as a maw (English: mother) figure.. bit that figure is dæn stuff tæ mæ Ah cannæ describe.. she is gorgeous
The girls start to get jealous/annoyed.. all three..
Lep: shouldn't it be us yur fancyin' first? An' give compliments?
Alan: wit??
Gil: I think I'm more attractive.. not to mention younger..
Isabella: humph! .. yous are OUR men! but we get no attention..
We pan out to see Dave staring at the poster.. a massive erection in his trousers..
Dave: it's no lit Ah'm huvin sex wæ any o' yez.. cept earlier when Jeannine flashed mæ her boobs in the hotel..
Gil: SHHH! secret..
Alan: is this.. yon Third generation feminism Ah keep hearin' aboot? ye own us men.. bit we dinnæ own yous?
Gil: oui. And we give you little treats like our doggies.. (giggles)
Alan: humph.. we'll see aboot thyt!
Gil: I mean all of us are straight..
Lep under breath: and one bi-sexual..
Gil to Lep loudly: I went with a women once in a threesome.. it as nice but I don't think I would do it again, even though I find you attractive.. you have a *very* sexy energy!
Lep: wow.. t'anks!
Lep whispers to Alan: we're beddin' dat girl! seduce her n'dat!
Peri to Gil: Why did you flash him?
Gil: felt bad about losing him to a weird reality.. and besides I haven't been with anyone for a *very* long time. Except Hank.. but that was so irregular.. off and on.. felt like nothing.. it's been nearly two years since Hank..
Peri: ah! natural.. [ nods ].. [ quieter ].. two years, oui.
(Jeannine is starting to fancy Dave.. Dave is mid-forties so ten years older than most of the group.. 50+ is Jeannine's age range.. when men hit 50.. she begins to notice them.. Dave pays Jeannine little to no attention.)
Gil: Besides none of this talk would have happened if yous hadn't took Isabella up on her offer of showing yous her boob.. it bred jealousy.
Lep: dat wis a LOT o' fun! Ah came tons!
Isabella: It wasn't fair! [blushing annoyed face] yous forced me..
Alan: noo.. that isnæ exactly true noo is it?.. ye coulda walked oot the door at any time!
Isabella under her breath: I was.. too aroused.. wanted to see if I could have a whoopsie just by watching.. then I would have left!
Alan: did you have a whoopsie?
Isabella: not telling. You should be ashamed Alan McKay asking a woman that!
Alan: Sa YE DID!
Isabella blushes.
Alan: And still ye stæyed!
Ares: I still have to take you up on that offer.
Isabella: gladly [ smiles.. trying to make Alan jealous ]
Lep: hmmm..
Cap: ENOUGH SEX TALK! We are a superhero team not a porn troupe!
Peri annoyed: Agreed.
Zero baked: what's goin on? I'm still really high from Kang's weed..
Cap: ghagh [ face palms]
Later.. Alan and Lep are talking alone in their hotel room..
Lep: so.. Ah wanna bed Jeannine, but Ah want Isabella t' be our girlfriend.. Ah figure ye made Isabella come pretty hard as Ah could tell she wis jealous when ye were mean tæ her!
Alan: mean? when?
Lep: shush!! concentrating..
Alan: okay.. go oan..
Lep: She got off hard watchin' us.. sa if we seduce Jeannine and git her in bed.. Isabella will huv a jealous fit den we strike! we get her intæ our room and Ah'll eat Isabella's muff while ye put yur w@~}~@: in her mouth..don't come.. den we switch.. den don't hold back.. she'll come sa hard den we'll have her! If we miss her.. she'll just sleep wit.. Ares and we'll huv lost da game..
Alan: ye ken wit?.. yur really scary in a different wæy sometimes Siobhan.. Ah wid æsk how ye know how tæ dæ awe this seducin' bit.. ye aweready telt mæ..
Lep: [winks] 5 villages.. o'wer 500 guys.. and o'wer 90 women too!
Alan: no bein bad oar anyhin.. bit.. Ah dinnæ hink Jeannine is intæ mæ..
Lep: that's maybes.. but her muff is so desperate .. its like little shop of horrors.. it'll clamp oan tæ anyhin! jist give her a good seein' to while Ah kiss her.. wance she's came a few times an' Isabella hus heard her.. save yours fur Isabella..
Alan: wit??
Lep: Trust mæ. Dats what Isabella wants. Yur baby juice.
Alan: An' IF Ah git her.. pregnant?
Lep: den da kid'll have three parents [big smile] .. me dream! tæ have both and me man have both and me girlfriend tæ have both.
Alan: riȝht...
Alan thinks: flip.. Ah wis hopin she wis jist randy.. naw this is deeper! .. well Ah dæ love her sa.. aye.. guess threewæy relationship it is! wow.. Isabella is stunnin' though.. this is nuts.. Ah'm affy confused.
[fade to black]
This whole plan goes off without a hitch..
[scenes of underwear on the floor and moaning]
[strange shadows on the wall and moaning]
With the exception of 20 minutes in with Jeannine.. Cap starts banging the door.. as Jeannine was *very* noisey..
Everything else went as Lep would later say 'perfectly!'..
The next morning Alan is a little awkward around Jeannine at breakfast.. Jeannine clears her breakfast tray away but then stops to talk to Alan, who is still eating..
Jeannine: What's wrong? are you ashamed? [smiles]
Alan: naw.. naw.. jist thought .. ye didnæ 'like' mæ sa .. feelin a wee bit oan yur side fur ye..[embarrassed for her]
Jeannine strokes Alans face ever so softly: You made a stressed woman.. very happy .. encore.. very relaxed.. you will always be beautiful to me Alan McKay. pour toujours et à jamais.
Alan [warm smile] : hanks Jeannine.
Jeannine leaves as Isabella enters and comes over.. Isabella has a tray full of her breakfast and sits across from Alan with a huge smile on her face.
Isabella: buenos dias mi amante. jeje.
Alan:ma Spanish insæ that good..bit Ah hink Ah git the gist hehe.. morning! beautiful lady that is ma new girlfriend hehe
Isabella: jeje.. si.. buenos manyana mi amor..
Isabella gently strokes his hand as he eats, she seems besotted with Alan.. her breathing deepens, her pupils widen..without meaning to.. she lets out a little noise [ mmmm ].. like she is purring..
Alan smiles with much affection in his eyes..at that moment..Siobhan sits down with a massive chocolate cake next to Alan and Isabella..
Siobhan: Ah'm starvin'!
Isabella: you deserve it! you worked hard on us both last night lover! jeje
Alan: so it seems.. 'we'.. ur noo 'three'..
Siobhan: Too flippin' right [winks at them both while having a mouthful of chocolate cake] .. work Ah did last nyte.. makes ye both me b@~#@# ..
Isabella laughs and snorts milk out of her nose..
Alan: hau!..
Siobhan: erm.. Ah widnæ complain if Ah wir you ... TWO Girlfriends?? hot as we are right enough!?
Alan: Thyt IS a guid point..
Isabella: jeje.. I need to confess something to you my two lovers..
Alan: huh?
Siobhan: erm..
Isabella:.. firstly I love you both.. [places one of each hand on their hands] I think maybe I fell in love with you both a long time ago.. secondly.. last night was my first time with.. anyone.
Alan: whoaa.. Ah jist thought ye wir stærtin' yur monthlies..
Siobhan finishes her cake..
Siobhan: Ah felt ye miby be like dat.. first time.. bit efter it.. Ah wis doubtful coz how well ye ate me muff while Alan wis doin ye..
Isabella: SHAME!.. we do not speak of such things outside of the bedroom or when we are not alone.
Siobhan:.. but everyone left about ten minutes ago..
Alan and Isabella look around and everyone is gone..
Isabella: I am sorry for raising my voice lover.. please forgive me if I hurt your heart.. at the same time be mindful of my heart.. I do not enjoy shame.
Siobhan: Don't worry.. we'll work dat outa ye.. hehe Ah'm jokin'.. I come hard cos of how sweet ye are! ..an' hot!
Alan: Isabella.. dinnæ worry mi amor.. she whispers sweet hings afore she goes tæ sleep.. tells mæ awe her secrets an' loves..
Isabella smiles warmly to them both: I knew she had a softer side..
Alan: sa.. dæ we need groon rules oar..
Siobhan: yeah.. Ah'm in charge.. we have dates awe three of us twice a week.. endin' up all three of us in bed.. if there's a fight, we don't go off intæ a pair, if we have a fight we have t'make it solo, oar jealousy will destroy us.. 5 days a week do whatcha want.. pump each other all the tyme and leave me out.. oar Alan pumpin' me oar me an Isabella eatin' each other out.. doesn't matter.. but break da dates den..break da bond.
Alan : that wis affy specific.. huv ye done this afore Siobhan..
Isabella nodding in agreement with Alan..
Siobhan: well.. only like.. 12 tymes oar so.. it's a learn process.. Ah'm still pretty new..
Alan: whoa!
Isabella: wow!
Siobhan: Da idea is to be inclusive.. but since sex drives vary.. ye also need tæ bæ understanding o' others needs..
Isabella begins softly stroking Siobhan's face while Siobhan speaks..
Siobhan: no one member of our tryst.. should force others to do things against the others will.. but at da same time we each huv a duty tæ make sure nane o' us are horny or randy at anytime if we can help it.. leavin a member horny oar randy makes da others bad lovers. must answer da call of horniness.
Isabella: agreed.
Alan: agreed.
Siobhan: speakin' of calls.. we awl must answer texts an' calls within 30 minutes unless an arm hangin' off oar somhin..
Isabella: agreed.
Alan: agreed.
Siobhan: no cheating.. no one outside of us three.
Alan: *cough*.. ahem!..
Siobhan: yeah yeah hold on tæ yur mask.. from now oan..
Isabella: [sad] did Siobhan cheat?
Alan: naw.. no exactly.. she wid jist strip naked in front anywan she fancied.. talk aboot advertisin'!
Siobhan: so from now oan.. no guarantees.. but Ah will TRY tæ bæ mindful o ma lovers feelin's. Næ strippin' in front o' strangers.. oar friends.. oar bystanders tæ our heroism..oar strange alien beings Ah miby fancy..
Siobhan: Isabella an' mesel'll sync our monthlies.. an' bæ cranky.. we must remember dat Alan is not going through dat an' give as many manual reliefs as he wants/needs.. not asks for.. like bare minimum.. but like.. two a day oar somhin.. coz girls they forget coz o' da pain.. and yeah its much harder oan girls den boys.. but same time even as he looks normal.. he isn't.. dat's what made me fifth tryst fail.. it wis horrible shoutin' ayt each other.. awl da blames an' stuff.. and it wis jist cause he wis all plugged up.. so.. if three days go by.. we get to force him to empty his mayonnaise bottle.. most past boyfriends loved dis an' would even wait t'make us dæ it tæ him hehe.. is this okay?
Isabella: agreed. wow.. I didn't know men had such needs..
Alan: Ah um awestruck in your unnerstaun'in o the male psyche.. agreed.
Siobhan: Ah huv a doctorate in Psychology.. and Ah wis offered a head teaching post at da University of Vienna..bit.. aaanywaayyss
Siobhan: no condoms, they cause too many rows and regular STD checks once a month.. no arguments. no exceptions. Also.. no scat. no BDSM. less fetishes the better.. except me nudist t'ing.. an' public sex hehe..
Alan: *cough*
Siobhan: okay okay I made dat last one up.. but wit fetishes.. if two like it and one don't.. den.. dat one is left out.. an' it breeds jealousy. seriously. Oar if one likes it.. they pressure the other two into somhin they don't like. cracks appear in the relationship and so da tryst.
Alan: Ah like the soapy hing..
Siobhan: dats barely even a fetish..every guy likes da soapy ting.. ye want da soapy ting fur your birthday.. both of us? we can rent a wet room..?
Alan: .. aye smashin'!
Isabella: Whats the 'soapy thing'?
Siobhan: ohw its like me nude ting but involves a shower..wit too much privacy if ye ask me, lots of scrubbing with soap and nakedness..washing + climaxing.. ye git the idea..
Isabella: sounds.. kind of.. normal?
Siobhan: totally. how it got a name as a fetish.. Ah'll never know..
Isabella to Siobhan: you are so knowledgeable my lover <3 <3 .. [she holds both Siobhan's hands with her hands] .. but how did you know? how did you know I would be excited by also a woman? .. did you plan this?
Siobhan: perfectly! [winks]
Jeannine comes in..
Jeannine: kindly... we have been waiting outside for yous for fifty minutes..
Alan: Sorry Jeannine..
Siobhan: mornin' [wink].. ye look like ye go'at more pep in yur step Jeannine!
Jeannine: And to you all a good morning! .. and that's much thanks in part to you Siobhan! [broad happy smile]
Siobhan: heheh..
Alan whispers: awe thyt talk made mæ randy..
Siobhan: We'll be out in a minute Jeannine..
Jeannine leaves..
Siobhan.: if yous two pop to the toilet.. I can cover fur us for 5 minutes max.. jist show him yur boobs n' give him a tug.. he'll finish up pretty quick as he's not used tæ ye an' havin' two girlfriends [winks at Isabella]
Alan: .. wow!
Isabella to Alan: Shall we lover? jeje..
Outside the rest of the group have assembled..
Brian: Now I see why..
On a massive poster there is the Beyonder posing with the American flag at their back..underneath the poster in red lettering 'L <3 VE'..
Brian: ..its got to be mind control.
Jeannine to Siobhan: Where are the others?
Siobhan: Ohww they're coming.. right about... now.
10 seconds later..
Widow-Spider walks up next to Siobhan.. suited up..
WS whispers to Siobhan: made a bit o' a mess sa.. needed tæ change.. Isabella is cleanin' up the stall..
Siobhan: flippp! .. how much o' a mess didyez make??
WS: aye.. she's gettin changed tæ.. nearly sprayed ma webbin' everywhere a'naw..
Siobhan: [ choked surprised laughter ] ghagha [nose snort].. think Ah'll change too.. intæ somhin mær .. sexy.. [ poof of green vapour/smoke and Siobhan is no longer wearing her more modest clothing but her sexy victorian style Leprechaun gear ] .. [sexy winks at Widow-Spider]
WS: Dinnæ dæ thyt tæ mæ.. Ah dinnæ hink Ah've go`at any fluid left in mæ.. Ah'll bæ a husk afore dinner time!
Siobhan: [ another choked surprised laughter ] ghagha..[covers her mouth with her hand to stifle laughter ]
Firegirl sides up to the two..
WS: Muchas gracias mi amor..
FG: de nada, mi poderoso hermoso hombre. mi semental. [smiles happily]
Jeannine: Why do you three have your work clothes on?? I told everyone to wear street clothes..
Lep: well.. Ah jist t'ink..
Jeannine: Weren't you all in street clothes an hour ago?? [groan].. it's things like this that make me stressed..
Lep: Well we could fix..
WS: *cough* we dinnæ dæ thyt anymær.. rem? *cough*
Lep: ohw right![ sudden realization of what she was saying ].. We'll try harder tæ get wit da script in future boss!
WS: Wit IF we three go an' scout aboot?.. full gear.. and the rest o' yez dæ it oan the down low.. low profile n'thyt?
Jeannine: I really don't think that's good idea until we know what we are dealing with.
WS; .. okay.
Jeannine: Lep can you mask all three of yous.. to make it seem like yous are in street clothes?
Lep: yes boss!
[ Lep then masks them in 70s disco gear.. but Alan and Isabella are unaware.. but the rest of the team see.. and say nothing.. except a little giggling from time to time ]
In Central Park the group stand in front of a MASSIVE statue of the Beyonder..
Ares: someone's got a high opinion of themselves..
Brian: Do you think he is in Washington DC?
Jeannine: Probably.. but again.. this world seems near perfect.. there's no war.. the people don't argue.. there must be no crime or murder..
Brian: Jeannine.. you can't be serious?.. this is a brainwashed world!
Jeannine: Oh.. bien entendu.. I do not support such behaviour! But why are we the ones to save this reality and what will we leave in its stead.. should we leave?
Brian: all.. very good questions.. that I don't have the answer to..well not instantly have the answer to.. and I know you weren't saying that..
Jeannine: hehe... spit it out Brian..
Brian: should we make this our world?.. but even if we leave.. should we leave these poor people as pigs in cages?
WS: First time.. if yez are takin' pollin.. Ah support him in this.. ye cannæ dæ thyt tæ folk.. Ah mean wit if they ur trapped in their æn minds oar somhin..?
JJ: erm.. maybe not the thing to divulge..but here goes.. I took a trip into the waiters mind while all that annoying banging was going on in the hotel *polite cough*.. and yes.. they are buried deep.. and I do mean DEEP.. they have no notion of the outside world or what their motor skills are doing..
Jeannine: while I am very angry you did this without permission.. this is very valuable information..
Brian: IF.. he is telling the truth..
Lep: Ah kin try tæ see if he's tellin' da truth.. but Ah'm new to awl dat! what if der head explodes?
Jeannine: erm.. lets leave that for now..
Dave: is he technological.. mutant .. alien.. oar wit?
JJ: From what I understand.. it definitely wasn't technological.. but I admit I am not up on the latest tech.. but to me it smacked of a reality warper..
Dave: atween JJ and Lep.. yez should be able tæ take him doon.. but question is.. should we?.. oar should we jist... leave?.. we huv mæ noo.. Ah kin map the multiverse.. git us somewhere mær suit'yt tæ us..
WS: Ye cannæ bæ lit thyt Dave!! lee'n these folk here lit pigs in cages!!
Dave: HAHA.. sorry man.. sorry .. Ah cannæ take ye seriously wæ thyt afro bobbin' aboot as ye talk.. too funny!
WS: Wit afro??
Lep unmask's the trio..
Dave: ohw thyts better.. .. [ to Widow-Spider ] its no thyt.. miby Jeannine hus a point.. Ah mean we huv a wæy oot, noo Ah huv access tæ modern technology.. sa afore we git intæ a huge battle wæ this guy.. think oan oor options..
WS: well.. aye.. Ah cannæ disagree wæ thyt.. bit still.. Ah'm awe fur savin' thum if we kin!..
Dave: aye mæ a'naw.. bit no fur nohin!.. risk awe oor lives.. wreck the planet.. fur wit?.. Ares telt us wit happened wæ Galactus.. flip! thyt wis rough!
WS: point taken.. aye.
Jeannine: how quickly could you build us a mapping machine Dave?
Dave: Well.. aye few months.. bit miby quicker wæ help.. Ah mean.. wæ Siobhan, Alan, yursel and Brian's help miby weeks? yez ur awe engineers aye?
Lep: aye.. Masters fæ M.I.T ..but Ah git bored.. an' t'ursty.. den irresponsible..
Brian: not sure I'm that kind of engineer.. I specialize in mechanical engineering..but if I can help; I will.
WS: Erm.. Ah'm an engineer.. bit mær a bio-chemist..but aye.. kin dæ the basics..
Jeannine: oui.. I have a masters from Université de Lille.. it'll be much similar to yours Dave
Dave: och.. Ah've go`at a doctorate fæ Strathclyde Uni.. annoyed they closed doon thyt place.. lovely auld Uni.. Jordanhill.. hear they wir knockin' it doon tæ build hooses.. if Ah hud the cash.. aaanywise... aye..
Jeannine is looking at Dave dreamily.. as he waffles on about nothing..
Dave: atween the lot o' us..
Alain: *cough*..
Dave: ohw dæ ye huv a engineering degree a'naw? [smiles]
Alain: non.. but I was a nuts and bolts mechanic in the French Airforce.. 4 years.
Dave: aye.. yur in!
Alain smiles.
Dave: sa.. doon tæ.. ermm.. two oar three weeks wæ everywan pitchin' in.. an' næ interruptions..
Lep grabs Jeannine and takes her away from the group..
Lep: Ye've go`at it bad fur Dave huh?.. da 'older' type..
Jeannine: I've made no secret that I like older men [smiles]
Lep: What about his wafflin' oan?.. Ah nearly fell asleep there!
Jeannine: hehe.. no! I like that.. it's comforting.. I even like the ear and nose hair too hehe
Lep: eiow!
Jeannine: yes totally.. its gross.. but when, with older types, we have sex.. it drives me crazy seeing it.. I stare at it until I climax.. something about the contradiction of.. I was strictly taught to respect older men, and here we are.. with him on top of me and we're doing something very disrespectful to each other.. ohw wow!
Lep: ye know ye have daddy issues..right?
Jeannine: ohw totally! without a doubt.. when I was child my father tried to kill me so..
Lep: WHAT??.. den.. do watcha need to do Jeannine.. næ judgment, especially no from mesel.. wow.. although Ah do have a habit of forgettin'.. especially since mæ incident/memory problems.. and lack of drinkin' compared t'before.. oar too much drinkin' .. no sure which
Jeannine: it's in the past.. and Dave seems to like blonds.. but it was exciting to see how much he has to offer hehe
Lep: yeh.. he'll destroy ye.. dats weeks in the gym doin' pilates tæ git back in shape fur each tyme he gives ye one..
Jeannine: hehe..
Dave comes over..
Dave: Ah said.. is thyt aweright?
Jeannine: is what all right?
Dave: ohw.. need tæ explain again.. riȝht.. we huv enough money tæ rent a place in upstate New York.. well if næwan spys its no go`at this guys face oan the money.. rent a place fur a month.. we imagine the auld Avengers buildin' wid be easy enough tæ rent..then git tæ work!
Jeannine: ohw thats a splendid idea.. well done!
Dave: wisnæ mæ wis.. Cap fur the rental an' Widow-Spider fur the Avengers compound.. bit aye..
Jeannine hasn't listened to a word past her response.. her pupils are so wide, her eye colour is barely showing..
Jeannine senses he wants a response.. dreamily: yes that's great.
Dave gos back to the main group..
Lep: Wit age ur ye again??
Jeannine still looking dreamily at Dave:.. hmm?.. 23..
Lep: WHAT?.. 23 an' ye lead dis group??
Jeannine still not paying full attention to what she is saying: Yeah.. I'm pretty organised.. besides even though I don't have a problem with Captain Bretagne.. other people of other nations might not feel the same.. they are more friendly to me.. the idea of 'Britain' has been pretty hostile around the world.. except to the Americans..
Lep softly to get more truthful opinions out of Jeannine: So why not Alain? He's like 33 oar somthin'
Jeannine: he didn't want the job I could tell.. besides I was funding the whole thing.. back in my reality I was a trillionaire.. Brian has money sure.. but he is a multi millionaire.. it's not the same thing.. [ very dreamily ] every computer in every company business, every smartphone on the planet without exception.. had my companies code on the ROM chip.. and they had pay us to do that.. now I'm as broke as Alan..'skint' as he would put it..
Jeannine snaps out of her dreams: saddening don't you think??
Lep: sure is, boss.
The two rejoin the group..
Alain: So.. I totally agree with Cap.. this is a project worthy of our attention but like Jeannine was saying don't get involved unless we can 100% be sure what we are doing is right..
Jeannine thinks in french: I didn't quite say that but his intentions are noble..
Alain: because if we have practised it is better to perfect non?
Cap: Agreed.
Ares: Agreed.
Rest of the group except Lep and Jeannine..
Group: agreed.
Later at the bank.. Brian and Alan
Teller: But you need a bank account to deposit money sir.. and you need to be a resident of the USA to create a new account..
Brian: isn't this.. a one world democracy??
Teller: yes but the 'Great Leader' [ pauses with love in his eyes ].. didn't change the laws sir.. he only made sure we feel love.
Alan to Brian: geez a go..
Alan to Teller in an American accent: Hi.. sorry for my British friend, he just doesn't get cultures!
Brian grunts with disapproval of Alan's dig at him.
Alan to Teller: My name is Peter Parker.. I live in Queens.. could I open a bank account today? We have a sizable amount to deposit..
Teller: Ohw.. then that's fine sir! [happily].. you can even meet the manager if you would like?
Alan: Is that going to be faster.. we have things to do today..
Teller: I'm sure the manager will do it speedily..
Alan: sounds great!
The teller goes and gets the manager.. she is a somewhat attractive older woman.. grey hair but good looking..
M: please gentlemen.. follow me [big smile]
Alan: sure!
They follow her into her office, she leaves the door open.. they all sit down.. but then she says
M: ohw I forgot the forms! silly me! hehe.. be right back.. don't yous go anywhere!
She exits the open door
Alan: Is jist me oar is she the *double* o' Madonna wæ grey hair???
Brian: Madonna.. you mean.. no! you mean the 80s pop idol.. I suppose but keep your cool..
Alan: fliippp.. wis a huge fan o' hers!.. Petey wis a'naw bit widnæ tell folk! Ah dunno how Ah kin keep this up.. it's pretty surreal.. we're in a alternate reali.. [sound of ruffled papers ]
The manager comes back in. Alan shuts up.
M: sorry about that..
Alan: Don't worry about it ma'am..
M: Ma'am?.. why don't you just call me Louise.. I'm Ms. Louise Ciccone..
Alan: Peter Parker.. Louise..
M: That.. can't be true.. you're Spider-Man?.. I mean you look like him but..
Alan and Brian's eyes lock in panic.
Alan thinks: noo.. noo.. erm.. right Petey boy musta came oot here sa.. aye
Alan: I can give you short demonstration if you would like Louise.. but for humiliating me into party tricks I would have to ask we get your top package for your lowest priced maintenance..
M: Ah!.. I'm so sorry.. it's just it's quite the claim and..
Alan web zips her pen off the desk.. then twirls it in his fingers..
M: Oh I am SO SORRY MR. PARKER!!.. yes of course the Gold Package account.. we will cut the maintenance rates to 1% from 5%.. with 6% interest and a US trust bond approval
Alan: now you are talking! .. let's please get this done quickly Louise.. as you know Spider-Man is a busy guy!
M: .. [awe struck] ..[ to Brian] you're probably a superhero too!.. wow..
Alan: .. busy guy here waiting with tons of cash..
M: yes totally. just fill in this form and here [ gives Alan a debit card ].. I'll have this card linked to the account by the time you leave the building Mr. Parker! .. I just need the basics and I'll do ALL the paperwork.
Alan fills in Aunt May's address and a few of Peter's details that he can remember..
Alan: this okay?
M: this is fine!
Brian pickups and drops the gym bag with a thud to make a point..
Louise starts furiously hitting the Teller button and trying to get eye contact with a teller..
The Teller comes in..
Louise: the bag needs counted.. then returned.
Teller: [opens the bag and fingers a few notes].. this is 90s money!.. before the Great Leader..
Louise: It's still valid Tim! just take it, count it and shut up!
Teller to Alan and Brian: yous have no idea what she's like to work for!
Alan thinks: ye crazy person! shes Madonna!.. a Superstar! and ye work in a bank fur her? Bet yur awe mouthy tæ her a'naw.. an' ur nasty ahun her back.. talkin' aboot her.. thinkin' she's no fly tæ ye.. bit she is!
The Teller leaves with the bag.
Louise: If there's nothing else gentlemen..
Alan distracted: naw ..[realized] oops little bit of southern creeped out there.. no Louise.. everything is fine. And thank you very much for dealing with us personable like..
Brian's eyes pinch a little.
Louise: That's great! .. and concludes our business! yous be sure to have a great day!
Alan: and you ma'.. I mean Louise! [big smile]
The Teller returns the gym bag as they are walking out of the bank..
Then outside:
Brian: HAHA! [tears of laughter rolling down cheeks] I just about burst when you said [puts on accent] 'personable like'.. what is this??.. a Western?? HAHA
Alan: Hau!.. Ah wis American afore Ah wis Scottish!.. bit aye miby Ah'll take the pelter oan thyt wan..
Brian: .. .. Dunno what you just said at the end there..
Alan in English: man this is a day for languages & accents.. I said I will take your jibe at me and treat it fairly..
Brian: sorry.. wasn't being mean.. just didn't know..
Alan: næ worries.. bit.. dinnæ make mæ speak too much hInglish! [raises a finger]
Brian: okay .. 'personable like'.. [soft laughter] hehe
Back at the Marquis.. everyone is packing up and getting ready..
Jeannine to Alain & Ares: I hope Brian remembers to keep cash.. these rooms weren't free..
Alain: it's the modern age.. they will given him a card..
Jeannine: ohw.. of course.. oui!
At Susan Storm Real Estate & Law... Dave is sitting across from Susan.. he was bumped up twice until he got to meet her.. under the desk he is massively aroused..
Dave thinks: naw.. naaaww.. it's lit yur maw oar somhin.. oar big sister.. go'at tæ shake this feelin'.. it's no right! .. somhin wrang wæ ma heid..
Susan: you okay? you have been staring at my cleavage for a full 30 seconds without saying anything.. I'm going to go ahead and make this easy for you.. if you want us to have a date.. I think you're cute.. and I like Scotsmen.. If you want us to have a date while your friends are looking the place around.. we can do that.. but..
Dave speaking English: I'm SO SORRY.. no.. yes.. that would be great!
Susan: so.. tomorrow the 14th and I have booked yous a local hotel for the night.
Susan stands up and out reaches her hand for a handshake.
Dave thinks: ohw flip! ohw flip! Ah cannæ staun up! Ah cannæ staun up!.. it'll bang aff the desk n' everyhin!
Dave bravely stands up with his massive arousal and shakes Susans hand..
Susan looks to his erection: You can bring that if you like.. it may come in *handy* [makes a hand rubbing gesture] ..
Dave: ahhumm
Susan: no penetrative sex on a first date.. so don't even bring a condom if I see one, I'm out of there! but we can have some fun..
Dave: ..wow.
Susan: you're definitely not a player.. I'm kind impressed with such a massive.. [sigh] .. talent.. most men become players.. I know I'm a player.. but you'll have to date me a few times to find out why [wink]
Dave is froze in terror of bumping into things
Susan touches him on the shoulder.. as she escorts him out of her office..
Susan: its okay.... now I want you to do something for me please David.. I want you to work on 'talking to girls I am attracted to'.. okay?
Dave: okay. [awkward smile]
Dave thinks: jist her smell is driving mæ nuts!!
Dave (forgetting to speak English): see ye the mora Susan..
Susan: see? not that hard [wink].. see ye the mora David! [smiles]
An hour later back at the hotel, everyone is packed and ready and waiting in the foyer.. Dave is still in a daze..
Jeannine to Siobhan: well he did insist on going...
Siobhan: give da guy a break.. he's bin laid less dan yurself!
Jeannine: true, true.
Jeannine to group:
IS EVERYONE READY?
Group:
YES!
Jeannine: Alan can you pay for the hotel please?
Alan: Aye Ah'm oan it!
Jeannine: LET'S GO.. stay with the group..
Ares with a funny voice from the back
Ares: yes mother!
Jeannine: hey!
mixed giggles from the group.
Alan comes outside.. on the sidewalk..
Jeannine: Siobhan.. can you teleport us all there please?
Siobhan: yes boss!
Green transparent balls surround each member and then quickly get smaller til they vanish.
The group appear at the place they had a confab about Captain America being Hydra..
Jeannine.. I don't think this is it.. we need the hotel..
Siobhan: but Ah dunno where dat is boss.. need satnav!
Dave is staring at the Avengers building.. with loads of hope in his eyes.. like a new start.. like all the rejection he felt from Reed will be washed away.. in having his date with Sue, it'll all somehow be fixed.. then great angst.. Sue is pure, like a snowflake untouched.. what is he doing.. this is crazy.. he is so confused..
20 minutes later the group are at the hotel. It is a motel by a cliff in front of the sea.. it's around 8 o'clock in the evening and dark.. Alan comes out the room shirtless fresh from a shower, steam coming off the top half of his body. Ares wearing a black Yanni tour T-Shirt gestures him over.. the two sit on the ground close to the cliff edge..
Ares: sooo.. just bedding the little lady were we?
Alan: wit??.. an' it's ladies noo..
Ares: y'know.. you shouldn't have the monopoly on the ladies in this group man! Isabella was fair game..
Alan: is this your wæy o' stærtin' a fight?
Ares: What if it is?
Alan: listen mate.. it's no me ye huv tæ bæ worried aboot.. Siobhan is riȝht happy the noo.. and if ye make her angry..
Ares: I could take Lep on!.. I'm strong.. and brave..
Alan: huh? [stunned] wit wid ye dæ??.. the macarena? huv a 'dance-aff' wæ her?
Ares: Well.. I could.. or .. I suppose.. no she would turn me into disco-ball wouldn't she?
Alan: Ayyeee! oar worse..
[Alan pauses for a second]
Alan: noo.. Ah'm fallin' in love wæ Isabella a'naw.. an' Ah huv deep affection fur thyt lassie.. an' yur right.. its no the 'bro code' tæ hoover up awe the lassies, an' lee yur bros dry.. bit since ma lassie likes o'er lassies.. thys wis an exception.. Ah feel
Ares: As long we understand it wasn't the bro thing to do.. and yes I get now that it's an exception.. BUT if we have chance of another lassie joining us..
Alan: dinnæ dæ thyt! mixin' Scots wæ hInglish hing.. 'lassie'..poor taste.. bit aye.. we're awe commit'yt sa.. aye Ah'll back ye up unless she's a psycho.. [much softer spoken] Ah owe ye thyt at least..
They both look out at the ocean.. enjoying the stillness..
Alan: wit aboot Jeannine?
Ares sadly: I think she's super hot!..but her personality and mine.. clash quite badly.. always scolding me.. she once punched me in the face for staring..
Alan: at her boobs??
Ares: shoulder...
Alan: wit??
Ares: I know.. she had some blood on her shoulder.. and I stopped listening.. and begun staring.. no. that was the moment I realized I should never try *anything* romantic or sexual with her.. the attraction just drained out of me.
Alan: ohw man.. Ah'm sorry tæ hear thyt.. does she bully folk?
Ares: no.. just me a bit.. I could cut her in half..
Alan: but she's in yur heid?
Ares: nooo.. this is my 'family' my friends.. she's the boss.. she's actually a pretty good boss.. pretty organized.. but she thinks because I am tough and don't feel it, she can hit me whenever she likes.. you've seen her Alan.. slapping me on the back of the head when she thinks I've said something stupid..
Alan: tæ bæ honest Ares.. Ah dinnæ think she does thyt.. ohw she slaps ye oan the back o the heid.. but when ye've done somhin stup'yt.. sa.. aye she shouldnæ bæ dæn thyt.. although.. Ah heard aboot yursel an' Deadpool wrecking the first mobile base...
Ares: it's true.. we messed up..
Alan: if that wis mæ.. Ah wida done a load mær thun slap ye on the back o' the heid!
Ares: fair point.
The two enjoy the stillness again.. until it's broken with.. sounds in the distance
Lep: ohw flip its oan fyre! ye'll bæ lucky if Ah'll be able tæ git dat burn out!
[girly laughing]
Ares: I've lived a long life Alan..
Alan: Aye.. Ah ken mate..
Ares: before I teamed up with Jeannine and the gang.. I was working odd jobs with Deadpool for MODOK.. weird fellow.. before that I was back in Mount Olympus.. short lived..
Alan: wit happened atween yursel an' Surtur?
Ares: [very sadly] ohw.. that.
Alan: naw... its aweright mate.. dinnæ tell mæ.. Ah kin tell it's a skeen hing.
Ares nods.
Peaceful silence.. they both stare at the ocean..
Alan: Better git back tæ the lassies..
Ares: laters [smile]
Alan: laterz bro.
[Alan pats him on the shoulder in passing as he walks back to the motel room]
As Alan walks back up to the room.. he sees Isabella is in Jeannine's room.. we join Isabella and Jeannine talking.. Jeannine's room door is open and Isabella is holding a bucket of ice, Isabella is wearing a peach cami and matching peach lycra briefs.. bare feet. Jeannine is wearing a Vanessa Paradis tour t-shirt and black/dark blue jeans..
Isabella: Thank you very much for the ice Donita..
Jeannine interrupts: Jeannine! [as she makes direct eye contact]
Isabella: Ah! si.. Jeannine [smiles].. are you well? has your shoulder healed?
Jeannine: Thank you for asking.. the answer is: yes and no.. well.. it's strange, it's much better than before.. I feel the further and further we move from that reality the weaker and weaker the effects of the sword..
[ We flash to a dark earth .. there Admiral David 'Legion' Haller is in the Division 3 cafeteria with the strongest reality warpers surrounding him in a circle.. he is 'vampiring' energy from them..when he stops floating.. hits the floor.. he is exhausted, but manages to utter 'Lep where are you??'.. this is what remains of the 61311 reality.. everyone sleeps an endless sleep.. on a dark world.. lit by a very close and very small star ]
Jeannine: it's really weird.. as the sword should no longer exist and so have no influence.. but here I am..and on occasion I still feel twitches of pain..
As Jeannine is saying 'twitches' Siobhan puts her hand through a green portal and pinches Isabella's bum.. then makes another portal for her face to speak through..
Isabella: Ouch! [sad face] meany!
Siobhan: Ah wis bein flirty!.. where's da ice? 2 minutes ye said.. 10 minutes ago..
Jeannine: Siobhan! you have been warned.. no portals around civilians or civilian locations!.. we strive not to be amateurs.. oui?
Siobhan: yes boss. [Siobhan closes the portal]
Jeannine: Your lover is waiting.. you must not disappoint..
Isabella: hmmm.. maybe I should.. I'm the real girl in this relationship.. hehehe
Jeannine: heheh .. that's very unlike you!
Isabella: I have two people that love me!.. why sh..
Siobhan interrupts from the other room: ISABELLA.. ur ye comin back oar not??
Isabella with much alarm: I MUST GO Donita.. I mean Jeannine.. I don't want Ms. Siobhan to be mad at me!
Jeannine [smiles] : GO! hehe
The next day a stretched limo arrives for the group, they all pile in except Dave..
Dave to Jeannine: erm.. Ah huv a date.. sa..
Jeannine from the limo: but we need you there to inspect the facilities..
Dave: erm.. Ah've go`at an idea aweready..
Jeannine annoyed.
Dave: erm.. it'll bæ fine.. jist an hour..
Dave shuts the limo door.
The limo drives off and Dave turns round to see Susan standing in front of her white Audi..
Susan: Hello handsome! hehe..
Dave: Hello yourself beautiful!
Susan: hehe.. listen.. before we made this date.. I didn't know this was such a hick town.. all they have is a convenience store, an arcade, a macD's and this motel..
Dave: ohw! [now thinking she is backing out of the date.. he feels dread]
Susan: why the long face??.. I'm thinking.. we should grab a macD's, a room and get drunk on cheap booze! [big smile]
Dave: ohw! [big smile].. that sounds great!
In the limo Ares is playing with all the settings as he has never been in limo before.. he is also holding a open half drunk bottle of champagne..
Ares: NOT BAD [big cheesey smile]
Jeannine: don't get too drunk if you break anything we need to pay for it!
Ares slightly drunk: righto boss!
The limo pulls up to the empty Avengers building.. the group get out..
Jeannine: Susan gave me the keys.. but you would think keys would be a bit low tech for this place..
Jeannine opens the door and they all go in, the place is very dusty.. like an abandoned mall.
Brian: I wonder how long it has been since their 'Great Leader' took over? 10?15? years?
Jeannine picks up a dusty magazine from the floor.. it has the 'Great Leader' on the cover
Jeannine: it's from July 2009.. 11 years..
*Various coughing from the group because of the dust*
Jeannine: *cough* can you clean this up please Siobhan?
Siobhan: yes boss.. once Ah hav had a little look around..
Scene: Back at the motel Dave and Susan have a room, they are making out on the bed, a little drunk. two empty bottles of booze lay on the floor along with empty MacD's wrappers and paper bag.
Scene: Alan starts zipping around the building, JJ begins teleporting himself to each room.. while the rest walk around as a group..
Alan back to the group: They huv a hanger fur aircraft!.. thyt's cool!
5 minutes later..
Alan back to the group: They huv an enginnerin' room.. wæ mæst o' the stuff gone.. bit still some stuff!
5 minutes later..
Alan back to the group: They huv wit Ah'm thinkin' is a bio-lab.. bit Ah cannæ git iyn.. needs a security cærd..
JJ back to the group: He's correct. I was just inside. Looks both very serious and.. untouched.
Jeannine: you ready Siobhan?
Siobhan to self: OKAY T'INK Bewitched!!
Alan: oar.. yon Disney movie..
Siobhan: NO WAY!.. dat movie freaked mæ out as a kid!
Siobhan glows a near blinding green and cleans the entire base of dust and organises the first 3 above ground floors..
Siobhan: da two lower levels.. also Ah tink there's more hidden..anyways.. Ah didn't touch coz Ah didn't know what Ah wis doin.. seem clean tæ mæ anyways.. from what Ah could feel.
Alan: We'll need tæ git Dave up here fur a swatch..
In the motel room.. Dave is laying in bed half uncovered while Susan lays next to him on her left side facing away under the sheets, she has a smile. We look down over the two as Dave stairs at the ceiling, the ceiling fan just to our right.. he is in shock..
Dave thinks: WIT THE FLIP JIST HÆPPENED?.. wow.. thyt wis.. such a surprise, didnæ know Ah could.. dæ thyt much.. her a'naw.. this bed is soaked atween the two o' us. As first dates go.. this is a belter!.. FLIP!! [Dave feels sudden anguish]
We scene through Dave's mind:
First time he met FBR.
Sue cooking him a fish supper so he didn't miss home so bad.
Reed's handwritten letter to him saying to come to NYC.
The year Ben lost his powers and Dave brought him Chinese food and listened to his stories of being in the service.
Johnny always promising to set Dave up [but he never did].. Dave even overheard him say 'you don't want to encourage the help Reed' [ we see Dave's eyes annoyed in present time] Dave thinking: he even hud a go at Alicia, Ben's girlfriend, for bein' blind!
Watching Saturday morning cartoons with FBR.
The time he caught Sue coming out of the shower..
Dave thinks: whoa!.. thys is crazy!
Dave doesn't realize it but he ever so softly uttered the word crazy as he thought it..
Susan turns around..
Susan: yeah.. quite a mess you made.. we made!.. don't think I'll get the deposit back! hehe.. total surprise to me too when I jetted so much! hehe
Dave in English: yeah.. we should do this more often.. me and my friends will be up here for the next.. I dunno.. couple of months?
Susan: whoa there Highlander! .. no way I'm just coming up here to service you! hehe.. if you like we can date, but.. y'gotta come down to NYC and do things on a 50/50 basis.. I'm no chump!
Dave: yeah we can do that..
Susan: what happened to.. the Scots?.. kinda liked it.. turned me on a bit..
Dave: aye næ bother..
Susan: that's better! [smile].. listen I need to get back to NYC.. got an empire to run!.. and I imagine your friends will be looking for you! So lets praise the Great Leader for his love and meet again.. soon. [Susan kisses him on the lips then gets up and gets dressed]
Dave thinks: ohw man.. thyt's the first time she talked aboot bein brainwa`shed..[guilty feelings].. miby need tæ work oot how tæ git her unbrainwa`shed.
Back at the Avengers base, the group are settling in to the crew quarters. Ares has found the bar, he and Zero are having a libation to put it mildly. A taxi rolls up and Dave gets out..
Dave to Taxi Driver: jist need tæ git the cash..
Brian is sitting on the bench behind him eating sandwiches..
Brian: didn't you even see me??.. I'm sitting right here!
Brian pays the Taxi Driver.
Dave: hanks! apprecit'yt!
Brian nods..
Brian: well??
Dave: well wit?
Brian: this place! the facilities! thought out of all of us you'd be the most enthusiastic!
Dave: aye.. sorry Bri.. heids in the bin the noo..
Brian: hehe.. Bri.. I like that!.. and y'know.. I'm not the scary BritNat monster.. often Alan paints me to be. Tell me your troubles Dave..
The two sit on the bench and talk..
Dave: sa.. ye ken the Fantastic Four aye?
Brian: personally. yes.
Dave: aye we didnæ meet back then.. bit they hud mentioned ye a couple o' times.. said ye wir a staun up dude.. Reed a'naw, thought ye wir a 'reasonable engineer'.. high praise comin fæ Reed Richards!
Brian: wow.. I didn't know that. But.. with care.. kindly.. what does that have to do with.. ohw Susan Storm.. yes Alain mentioned this to me in passing.. whats the problem there?
Dave: Is it riȝht tæ sully a sna'flake?.. tæ tarnish somhin ye regærd ays pure?
Brian: as a friend.. and I do hope we are friends..
Dave: aye..
Brian: as a friend.. I don't see the problem.. do what you like with this version of Susan so long as you are aware she is NOT Sue.. she is someone else and so a free agent.
Dave: Aye næ doubt.. Ah go`at thyt afore Bri.. bit.. the look o' her.. the sound o' her voice.. the smell.. aww flip the smell drives mæ up the wa's.
Brian: mental exercises.. just every so often remind yourself.. she never met Reed.. she never met you before us.. she has no children.. wait, does she?
Dave: naw, næ weans..
Brian: so.. she's not the same person Dave.
Dave: hanks Bri.. helped a wee tiny bit hearin' fæ somwan else mate..
Brian nods.
Scene week 1:
Large machine that explodes and blows a rift into the multiverse which Lep and JJ manage to close.
Scene week 2:
Large machine that minturaizes everyone in the proximity. Lep fixes them.
Scene Week 3:
Large machine that opens a portal to the Amalgam-verse. Super Soldier, Bastille and CyboHawk come through.
[In a cave far away, this realities, Reality-538's Nighthawk.. we see the rear left quarter of his skull is replaced with both cyborg and clockwork parts.. he receives a signal! his first sign of any non-brainwashed life in 11 years. He traces the signal back to the Avengers building and then hacks into the camera and mics.]
After two hours they leave as the portal collapses.
*(Bastille; female, grey The Thing amalgam Darkseid. CyboHawk amalgam Nighthawk and Cyborg)
One week later.. Nighthawk is looking upon the old Avengers building, he can digitally see inside and is watching the group and listening in..
NH: Soon!.. Soon I will find out if I can trust yous!
END OF PART ONE!
Reality Avengers Tri-Annual Initiation.
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Episode 6 : Euro-Avengers 'BOSS FIGHT!' To Continue: Reality-Avengers (Euro-Avengers) Tri-Annual [Fanfic] : Part Two
Click here ^^^
-------
Miss an episode?
See here:
Episode 1: Euro-Avengers - Assemble!
Episode 2: Euro-Avengers 'Matter of Opinion'
Episode 3 : Euro-Avengers 'I Reality Love You'
Episode 4: Euro-Avengers 'Another Day in Paradise'
Episode 5: Euro-Avengers 'What a Tangled Web We Weave When First We Practise to Perceive.." + BONUS 'Exposition Theater'
Episode 6 : Euro-Avengers 'BOSS FIGHT!'
------------------------
Click here ^^^
-------
Miss an episode?
See here:
Episode 1: Euro-Avengers - Assemble!
Episode 2: Euro-Avengers 'Matter of Opinion'
Episode 3 : Euro-Avengers 'I Reality Love You'
Episode 4: Euro-Avengers 'Another Day in Paradise'
Episode 5: Euro-Avengers 'What a Tangled Web We Weave When First We Practise to Perceive.." + BONUS 'Exposition Theater'
Episode 6 : Euro-Avengers 'BOSS FIGHT!'
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Dava editorial:
Two years work (iirc?) .. needed to finally publish. I just hope the readers of the previous comics enjoy.
In Part Two we will have three comics, expanding on the stories of 538 Nighthawk, our Leprechaun/Siobhan's life up until she got hit with the meteor (warning NSFW) and Widow-Spider's week with the Silver Surfer's board. Lep keeps all her.. trinkets she collects.. in a pocket dimension, ready to fish them out.. she kept The Silver Surfer's board Thanos had.. also the remaining cosmic cube.. and many many things before this. Basically she had klept anything powerful from the Kobik reality she could get her hands on. Due to Lep's memory problems.. she doesn't quite remember what she has in her 'closet' as she calls her pocket dimension.
