Euro-Avengers #6 Fanfic
"BOSS FIGHT!"
Somewhere in upstate New York in an interrogation room at the Avenger's Compound..
Tony Stark and Steve Rogers are staring at Alan who is handcuffed with some high-tech looking 'jewelry' sitting behind a desk.. Peter is pacing around Alan.. Sharon Carter is questioning Alan..
Sharon: What are your abilities?
Alan: Ah huv an impressive..
Sharon: THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!
Sharon: What are your abilities?
Alan: Ah like takin' romantic walks oan the beach ayt sunset wæ the saun atween ma toes.. somewhere ho't but no too ho't.. [smiles]
Sharon: What are your abilities?
Alan: Same ays him.. Ah should imagine..
Sharon: What are your abilities??
Alan: Super-Strength, Super-Agility.. ma healin' regeneration works differently thun his.. it's slower but kin heal mare o'er time, comes back even stronger thun original.. Ah huv Bio-Webbing wæ venom iyn iyt..
Peter: Wait.. Bio-Webbing? none of the clones had that.. I'm the only one.
Alan: Aye.. well.. Ah huv tæ noo eh?
Sharon: I should probably write this up. gentlemen. [Sharon leaves]
Tony: I should probably go too.. I'm too expensive a babysitter for the Avengers. you can't afford me.
Steve: Laters, Tony.
Alan sits in silence staring at Peter..
Peter[angry/upset]: You are NOT me.. stop staring at me.
Steve: Don't let him bug you out Pete.. for all his roar, he's just a little kitten.
Alan [to Cap]: Ye smell funny.. lit rotten eggs oar somthin'.
Pete: C'mon.. I must have a better sense of humor than that.. that's not even funny.
Alan [to Peter]: wit e'er happens atween uys.. watch thyt wan. He's no right.
Steve: I don't have to listen to your empty allegations on either my personality or hygiene.. we can pluck you out of cold storage whenever we like.. and there's not a thing you can do about it.
Alan: Really?? Colour mæ skeptical..
Steve: We have you trapped.
Alan: Hehe.. naw ye huvnæ!
Alan snaps the cuffs breaking one of his wrists in the process, but he doesn't skip a beat.. bouncing off the walls as if he wasn't hurt at all.
Alan thinks: Aye iyt's painful.. but compared tæ ma migraines iyt's only ticklin' mæ! hehe
He webs up Cap first with an astonishing amount of webbing, but Peter webs him and slams Alan into the wall, Alan webs Peters head fully..1 second later.. Peter rips the webbing off and feels dizzy with Widow-Spiders venom.. Peter looks around and Alan is, gone.
Outside about 5 miles away.. Widow-Spider is catching up with the team at the mobile base..
..
WS: Aye right enough.. somethin' weirds goin' oan
Cap: Thank you for trusting me WS.. I was concerned JJ just had me spooked.
WS: Don't git mæ wrang.. ma spider sense never went aff.. flip Ah wida ripped their heeds aff iyf iyt did!.. something weird in Steve Rogers eyes.. Ah dunno lit they wer the wrang colour oar somthin.. somthin.
Lep: So wit dæ we dæ?
WS: Ah dunno.. but we should tell a few folk, if somthin's messin' wæ the timeline.. we go'at tæ dæ somhin. An' tæ be frank an' francine*.. Roger Ramjet's no the ghostbuster tæ call.
*[thumbs behind himself towards the compound]
Adam: This .. is starting to get boring. When do we kill Doom?
WS: Haud yur horses there disco cowboy.. Ah'm as keen ays anyfolk tæ see him deed, but Lep's been feelin' weird fur days an' Cap says we might be dæn awe thys fur nothin' iyf we git wiped oot in a time reset.
Guillotine: Hmm.. Captain England, Widow-Spider go to speak to J.J. at Division 3.. Lep, Firegirl Follow Tony Stark, but be discreet.. Ares and new friends..
Ares interrupts: Wait.. I *think* I know who to tell about an alteration in the timeline..
Magneto: Want some company?
Ares: Gladly.
Adam [to Guillotine]: Me?
Guillotine: I have something for you.. you will enjoy [sleek smile].. a force known as Hydra has been suppressing humans globally, I heard rumors French Guiana was invaded.. please liberate them.
Adam: Sounds.. not boring. thank you.
Everyone leaves for their respective jobs and Peregrine says:
You and I again old friend? [smiles]
Guillotine [deadpan]: We need to talk to Deadpool.
Peri: wow.
Four hours later near Division 3 in Sweden.. we see Captain England flying in a near straight line as Widow-Spider has attached a webline to his back and is flying along behind him.
WS: slow doon! wow.. iyt's been four ho'urs o' ye draggin' mæ across th' sky!
Captain England stops and hovers above a small forest, Widow-Spider dangles below. Widow-Spider rights himself by hanging upside down and putting his feet to his web.
Cap: What's up?
WS: Listen.. Ah jist wa'nt tæ say somthin'.. mate Ah riȝht appreciate ye caring enough tæ dæ wit ye did.
Cap: It's nothing, but being considerate.
WS: Naw.. withoot bein' awe touchy feely.. oar askin' ye oot oan a date.. Ah dæ mate. Ah appreciate iyt.
Cap:hehe.. Just glad to be on the right team. [smiles]
Cap: Cool to go..?
WS: Aye.. Ah suppose hehe
Ares and Magneto are in a Compton apartment, Ares is visiting an old friend, a Inhuman by the name of 'Zero'.. Zero can stop time and sense approaching time shifts..
Ares: So what on earth are we meant to do??
Zero: There is a lot of talk 'bout an Inhuman called Ulysses.. they say he can see the future..
Ares: Tosh!
Magneto: I have heard of that one.. your Queen is quite adamant about him. I have often wondered in recent times if there *could* be peace between Inhumans and Mutants.. If this 'Ulysses' foresaw how this could be possible, I would like to hear this.
Ares: Only those who have been to the future can see a possible outcome..anyhow.. have you felt any shifts?
Zero: no man.. but I had a weird feeling the other day.. a thought struck me and I was stunned for a full 30 seconds. If I did not exist in another timeline and existed here, I would not feel the first shift.
Magneto: Not to be rude.. but how do you know you can feel time shifts at all?
Ares thinks:
Or you were stoned.
Zero: I have spent some time around reality warpers.. I know what it feels like, so I stop time and fix things.
Ares: Zero would you join us.. later I mean, my friends are going to want to talk to you.
Zero: I guess Ares.. but you know I'm no fighter.. but just watch me run away! [smiles] haha
Ares: haha
Magneto is a little disgruntled/unimpressed.
Magneto: I have a few things to do.. I'll meet back up with you later Ares.
Ares: Okay.
:This intersects with some of Magneto's portion of Civil War II:
Sometime later Lep and Firegirl track Iron Man to Manhattan while they are inside an invisibility bubble they are astonished when they see The Celestial Destructor..
The Avengers, The X-Men, The Inhumans.. are in the midst of battle.. all going up against this astonishing threat..
Firegirl: We *must* help them!
Lep: No way!.. we were told to track Tony. See? *this* is why you don't get missions.. [points; arm outstretched] dat t'ing looks SERIOUS..
Firegirl flies outside the bubble trying to save Miles Morales as a huge slab of granite squashes him flat with blood seeping out the side.. then another slab cuts Firegirl in half ..Lep resets time. Firegirl does this again.. Lep resets time.. again.. then Lep holds Firegirl fast with a forcefield inside a separate bubble..
Lep [cross eyebrows] : STAY HERE!
Lep flys down, puts a forcefield on Miles.. [the slab hits him but he is protected]
looks up and sees: Doctor Strange and his monks performing a rite.
Lep thinks: a loado' weirdo priests... they'll do nothin' but turn some folk vegan. .. OK.
Lep: tyme tæ show thys big icelolly shaped Transforme'r whos da boss!..
Lep : OOOOHWWWW HAM-E.. KAM-I HOOOO
Lep bursts into fire and the fire starts eating its way through every enemy nearby, including the Celestial Destructor .. who dissolves in flames..
Firegirl: THAT WAS.. so COOL! How did you know of those words?
Lep: What.. y'never watch the ol' dballz? Great cartoon.. much recommended!
Lep and Firegirl remain in a bubble, while the rest of the heroes slowly realize that Celestial Destructor is gone..
The next evening at Stark Tower Lep and Firegirl still inside the bubble watch Tony Stark through a window, entertaining many many of the Avengers, X-Men and Inhumans with a celebration party.
Queen Medusa of the Inhumans seems to be escorting everyone into a room..Lep phases herself and Firegirl through the glass and towards the room..in the room they see a man they do not know.. his name is Ulysses, he's telling them.. how he discovered being an Inhuman, the visions he saw because of that..
Meanwhile Guillotine and Peregrine changing a flat tyre on a beat up motorcycle with Deadpool standing behind them..
Deadpool: yeeaahh just right there!.. don't scratch the paint work!
Guillotine: Hmph! .. this better be worth it!
Deadpool 2: Are you french?.. that accent sure is .. SeXi! Y'know I'm recently separated.. as recently as 2 hours ago..
Guillotine: dream on..
Deadpool box 3: I loved that 90s show.. so apt! She will be in your dreams tonight Wade..
Guillotine: Y'know we can hear you saying things under your breath..
Deadpool box 4: No she can't .. she's *llyyyiingg*
Peri: Aaand done!
Gil: Make with the info Wade.. we all heard the rumors of your craziness.. that you have extra perception.. is Captain America a Hydra Agent?
Deadpool: Y'know French Iron LadyMan.. unless I do a crossover with him, I wouldn't know that..also it's extra perception, not time travel! What I *can* tell you is; Cosmic Cube = crazy powerful!' You do NOT want one of those things becoming sentient.
Gil: no duh. [swearing in french]
Peri: What CAN you tell us?
Deadpool box 5: That the statue of liberty is HAWT.. I definitely dig french chicks!
Deadpool box 6: No.. don't say that she will never sleep with you if you say that!
Guillotine punches the motorcycle causing the axle to bend..
Deadpool: Awww.. [sad] .. okay mean French Iron LadyMan.. I heard Division 3 had a secret base in Sweden..
Peri Interrupts: .. yes we already know..
Deadpool: BUT did you know that David Haller is the boss now?
Gil: yes.
Deadpool: AND that's he's a got a super computer called 'The Tide' that can predict.. ANYTHING..
Gil:.. actually thats some good info. Thanks Wade.
Deadpool: now.. fix my bike!!
Gil bends the axle back into place..
Gil: Sorry.. I was getting to wound up with you trying to bang on to me.. I have a date with Hank Pym next week.. bit nervous
Deadpool: WHOA.. if your dating Hank Pym.. not interested in anyone who is interested in that coffin dodger. .. [at Peregrine] say 'wings' care to give a fella a lift up to the top of that building over there.. I feel a moody shot coming on..
Peri: Sure.
Later as Peri and Gil enter the Division 3 lobby in Sweden, an agent approaches them..
Agent: Sorry Ma'am.. but you're not allowed in here right now..
Gil: we have clearance.. [shows her ID card]
Agent: I know.. but fo..
David Haller interrupts: I'll take it from here Geoff.
David: Hi Jeannine.. listen there's been an *incident*..
Gil: [shouty french swearing] What KIND of INCIDENT?
David: Well.. one of my colleagues decided it would be a good idea to 'arrest' Widow-Spider.. Cap is down in the cafeteria.. after endlessly petitioning for Alan's freedom.. he needed some food.. finally.
Gil: WHAT HAPPENED?
David: Well.. [in a hushed voice] we have this.. computer..
Peri: We know.. supercomputer called 'The Tide' can predict anything. go on.
David: OH.. who told you?
Gil: Deadpool.
David: Right. .. so.. anyway.. The Tide predicted there was 61% chance that Lep was going alter our universe's tachyon signature fundamentally. The Tide made a suggestion that if we had Alan as a bargaining chip.. Lep was less likely to do this. Kerry.. great with the action, not great with the thinking, arrested him..well I say she 'arrested him' [slowing down in speech]..
David somberly: he ripped her head off several times.. I reset time each time.. few agents too.. [nods] wow.. your teammate is one serious guy when says he'll rip someone's head off.. that's not just a figure of speech or him expressing how he feels.. he will *actually and literally* rip their head off...
Gil: Hand Alan over. now.
David: *I'm* not the issue.. Kerry and a few .. talented agents.. have banded together, we are trying to be diplomatic about the situation.
Gil: *You know, I can* message Lep and have her come here.
David struck with terror: Oh flip no. Erm lets not be too hasty.. no one *needs* to die. Kerry is an old friend of mine.. she is just doing what she thinks is best for us all.. which is very in her character.
Gil: they actually came here to speak to J.J. .. did they accomplish that task?
David: No... Kerry had been trying to find Widow-Spider's location for a while.. so when he just walked in the building..
Gil: Riiiiight.
Gil thinks: There's something he's not telling us.. I think he's on the level about this Kerry person.. but something else is off.
David starts to escort Gil and Peri to the lifts.. they are going to cafeteria to meet up with Cap.
Meanwhile Adam Warlock is levitating Hydra agents and vehicles in French Guiana then making them explode, we see him hovering above the jungle.
Ares, Zero and Magneto meet up outside the HellFire Club in Boston.
Widow-Spider is smashing his cell door in Division 3 while Kerry looks on with alarm at Widow-Spider's increasing anger.
Kerry: Can *someone* warp his view to make him *at least* a little terrified?
Agent: We tried ma'am.. he didn't even flinch.
Kerry rubs her neck in anxiety, asif~ deep in her subconscious remembering having her head torn off.
Gil texts Lep under the table while she is at the cafeteria:
Gil: Div3. come NOW!. Alan in trouble.
In NYC Leps phone vibrates..
Lep: ohw a text! wonder iyf Alan's thinkin' aboot mæ!
(hearts in her eyes)
Lep is floating reading the text.
Lep :WHAT??
A flash and Firegirl and Lep are outside Div3 in Sweden.
Gil looks up from her phone, still in the cafeteria..
Gil: If The Admiral can't handle his staff.. we have ways of dealing. ohw get ready Cap.. we should be out of here in under 30mins.
They all stand and head towards the elevator. While ascending part of the building becomes ripped away .. Lep has done this with telekinesis, however the trio look up to see a 100 foot tall Lep.
Lep: WER'S ME MAN???
David Haller floats up in front of Lep..
David: Now Lep.. we let you go.. remember to try and stay .. calm.
Lep: (quietly) wer's me man?.. OAR AH WILL SINK YUR BATTLESHIP YE JAKEY!
David: yes.. we have him here..if you will kindly..
Lep interrupts: get him now!
David: my pleasure.
David spends the next five mins getting Widow-Spider.. with Kerry's rogue agents trying to bend his mind, however they are no match for.. 'Legion'.
David floats up with Alan in toe..
Alan: flippin finally!! Hullo ma darlin'.. wow..you look smashin.. chest a'naw.
Lep: ma love.. no the noo!. .. mibe later.. iyn private.
Lep: ays fur ye! Don't touch ma man again.. he iys tæ bi respeciti't ..bi you an' awe yur crew.. as a member an' no a plaything! wite'er yur plans wur.
David (calm therapist voice) : I hear you. I respect what you are saying.
------
The rest intersects with Civil War II.
18 months later.. on the moon Titan.
----
Doom throws the coin at Lep..
Doom: You should get what you deserve!
Mid-air.. the coin shines ultra bright..
At that moment Lep and most of the team vanish.. Lep, Widow-Spider, Guillotine, Peregrine, Captain England are teleported to JJ's cell in Division 3..
JJ: Well isn't this a turn up for the books??.. you here to free me too? I can't say I'm surprised.. you all need more laughter in your lives..
JJ: Y'know I *was* serious about 'turning over a new leaf'.. I *may* even have helped you with your 'Doom' problem.. which I can see 'got out of hand'.. hahaha
Widow-Spider embarrassed: Shut iyt!
Back upon the moon Titan, Adam has transmuted the energy from the coin thrown at him into a very powerful blast that cracks each plate of Doom's armor..
Doom: NOOOO
Doom pulls out a Sovereign artifact and begins speaking in an ancient language .. then says: SLEEP NOW O ANCIENT POWER! Adam falls to the ground asleep.
Magneto: You have no macguffin for me.
Magneto begins tearing Titan apart by causing the liquid metal core to spike, Magneto causes spikes to go through Doom..
Doom breathless: noo.. noo..
Ares sends an axe to cut off Dooms head as a final blow but as he does Magneto screams : NOOO
The duo see Dooms main amulet reconstitute him and empower him ..
Magneto: He needs to be killed in a special place that his amulet doesn't work.. you just made him even more powerful!
Ares: Macguffin?
Magneto: Still not mine..but yes, his own personal one.
Doom: HAHAH.. stupid. I have seen your power Magneto.. I too can manipulate metal.. but I need to be near to do so.. and you have given me that ability! HAHA
Doom puts his hand to the ground. The liquid metal swirls up around him.. Magneto tries to control it, but he cannot, Doom has control of this metal now.. Doom spikes it into Magneto and holds fast until Magneto passes out..
Ares: So me next?.. come at me!
Doom: Don't tempt me.. boy!
Ares: I only let one person call me that. And that person is not you.
Doom rushes at Ares and knocks him over to the ground while simultaneously two of Ares swords cross strike Doom in the back.. making an X through his torso.. but Doom is still going..
Doc Doom is leaning over Ares.. Ares locked hands on Dooms wrists as Doom pushes harder with strange black energy around his hands..
Ares grunts out: No. .. no [Doom is making progress]... no. NOOOO [Ares beings speaking a strange language] {@~#=&^%*;( .... ?/@/{)*&%$"! .. ?:{+]'/?@}#..SURTUR!!'
Doom freezes as he realizes Ares just summoned Surtur..
Ares stares into Doom's eyes: Oh you are for it now.. boy! haha
a very tiny spark comes out of a nearby rock.. and hits the ground.. a small pool of fire about the size of a hand palm appears where the spark fell.. the fire spreads slightly and out of the fire Surtur grows.. 3ft .. no 6 foot.. 20 foot.. 70 foot... bigger and bigger..
Surtur: relinquish the chaos you impose upon my apprentice.
Doom who has been a disciple of Surtur for many years.. is a bit heartbroken to hear Surtur grant such an honour on.. a 'muscular yapping dog' such as Ares ..
Doom: YOU.. OF ALL PEOPLE.. ARE TELLING *ME* TO STOP *MY* CHAOS??
Surtur: Today.. you will know *hate*.
The battle begins..
Surtur swings his massive sword down upon Doom, which Doom stops overhead with continuous energy blast from both hands.. Surtur turns his head over his shoulder..
Surtur: GO BOY.. GO NOW.. escape while you can!
Ares picks up Magneto under one arm and Adam Warlock in the other.. he sees Surtur has opened a fire portal to Muspelheim and he jumps through it to safety..
On the other side.. countless fire demons amasse aiming themselves at the portal.. Ares still holding Magneto and Adam.. roll-dodges from their path as they all try to fit through the portal.. a pile of arms appear as they try to fit through portal which is cutting parts off.. round the back of portal Ares sits with a still unconscious Adam and Magneto ..
Ares: What the flip was that all about?? how could he have such power?.. where did the team go??.. Surtur's *probably* cutting Doom's head off about.. [hears a thwack!] now. .. Oh I forgot to say about that stupid amulet!.. ohw well.. knowing Surtur he'll likely enjoy killing Doom over and ov-[Thwack!]-er.. yes.
Ares picks up Adam and Magneto and heads toward the 'Midgard Black Portal'.. 30 minutes later..
Ares [talking to himself]: Hate this portal.. I mean does it really need blood to enter.. gross.. wow listen to me.. I sound like a human.. maybe Surtur was right.. I AM turning into a whoose.
Ares plops Adam and Magneto on the ground..
Ares: I hope Guillotine DVR'd 'Secret Gambler' .. missed it last week.. or maybe find it online.
Ares thinks: .. AH.. I forgot ..that's why!.. to stop Surtur coming to Midgard because he doesn't have blood! The summoning thing.. yes.. wow I forgot about that!.. must remember and pick up my chain from Dooms mansion while he and Surtur are.. busy hehe
Ares cuts his hand open and drips some blood on the weirdly shaped stand.. the portal opens, Ares picks up his passengers and goes through the portal..
two days later, the group are sitting round the campfire talking about the last year and a half..
Lep: dat wis nuts!
Gil: oui.. fou dans la masion!
Lep: giant transformer guy in NYC..
Gil: I broke up with Hank..
Ares: HAHA what about when Surtur saved the day? HAHA
team: .. .. what?
Ares embarrassed: I mean.. erm.. yeah totally nuts.. too much ale or something .. I need a lie down.
Gil: I really need Dave Shaw to come and look at my suit.. it's in quite a state. [sad face]
Firegirl: I suppose.. we won.. of sorts.
WS: it's no o'er.. no efter awe we heard n' thyt.
Later that night, Lep and Alan are away from the group on a hilltop watching the stars together..
Lep: dis iys beautiful..
Alan [in English]: tomorrow will be a new day.
The next day back at Hallerom Industries..
BANG! an arm servo has a slight explosion and has smoke coming out of it..
Gil: Dave I told you.. kindly it's not working.
Dave: so we need a new wan? maaan.. riȝht.
Lep bursts in..
Lep: Ah don't feel well.. Ah huv bin feelin' nauseous fur da last h'our
Lep can barely stand up, Gil supports her but even with that she is sliding down Gil's side.
Lep: GET EVERYONE HERE NOW!!!
20 mins later everyone* is surrounding Lep, who is laying on the floor..
*(Everyone = Captain England, Gil, Peri, Firegirl, Ares, Widow-Spider, Zero, Dave Shaw)
Lep: Alan.. pick mæ up ma darlin'.. it's stærtin'.
Alan: wits stærtin'??
Lep: Ah love ye.. but kindly shut up an' do iyt now!
Alan holds Lep up..
Lep: Kobik is reversin' time.. so we'r goiny git wiped..but no. Ah'm no lettin thyt happan! need tæ wait tæ da last second tæ reserve me strength..
Lep: hold.
Lep: hold.
Lep: hoooold.
Lep: NOWWW
Lep generates a (green transparent) reality bubble to protect the team from the reversal of the timeline..
Sweat POURING down Lep's face as she recalculates all potentials and fits in this mini bubble reality to the original 616 timeline.
seconds are slowed to hours.. the group have grabbed shoulders with Lep, they are in a circle, they can all see her face in the agony of impossible concentration. Lep is crying as in the back of what's left of her mind she thinks she is going to let everyone die.. she is sweating like someone turned on a tap to number 1 marker on the fawcett.
Firegirl: I'm afraid.. [voice shaking]
Gil: Be still girl.
Firegirl: Should I be here? I don't want to die.. but am I worthy?..
Lep: Yur pært o' da team;
meteor sisters remember? [she winks, causing a tear to roll down her cheek]
Lep: GRRughGH huuehhGR [concentration and fear in Leps eyes]
suddenly..the torrent begins to ease off..
As the torrent outside passes.. we see a miniature JJ, inside the pocket of Braddock's Cap suit, poke his head out to have a look.
As the bubble dissipates, the team see they are in NYC central park.. Lep collapses.. Alan grabs her..
Alan: come oan ma love.. ye kin dæ iyt few mare h'ours n we kin git ye rest'yt.
Lep: don't feel good..
Alan :WATER NOW!!!!.. an' a nip o whisky!
Ares: I know a place ..
Alan: WATER FIRST!!
Peregrine goes over to a fountain..
Peri: looks disgusting.. but it will work
Alan: geez iyt!
Peregrine scoops up a large portion of water with his wing.. Alan skims to top into Lep's mouth.. Lep coughs..
Alan: ye wer sweatin buckets ma love.. drink. aye its gross.. but næwan'll think any the less o'ye oan account o'ye saven their lives..
Lep sips some from Alan's hand..
Alan:Siobhan .. you okay?
Lep: ye big eejit.
Alan: aye she's goiny bi OK.
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